9.2/109 votes#1 - Are You Right There, Father Ted?
Season 3 Episode 1 - Aired 3/15/1998
Ted finally escapes to a new posting at Castlelawn Parochial House, Dublin, with civilised company and frequent jaunts to Paris. Unfortunately a slight misunderstanding over some expenses sends Ted back to his old compadres on the island. After a spot of lad's housecleaning results in Ted being mistakenly tarred as a racist, Ted holds a celebration of Chinese culture to clear his name (though 'Kung Fu Fighting' might not have been an inspired choice of soundtrack). Just when it looks like a happy ending might be in store, a mix-up over some soft furnishings and Nazi memorabilia leaves the Chinese community with a sweet'n'sour taste in the mouth.
Director: Graham Linehan
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.8/109 votes#2 - A Song for Europe
Season 2 Episode 5 - Aired 4/5/1996
Fathers Ted and Dougal enter A Song For Europe with My Lovely Horse. The tune is stolen from the b-side of a Norwegian song that didn't even win A Song For Norway but the lyrics are all their own work. Somehow they get through to Eurovision and score.... nil points.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.8/105 votes#3 - Speed 3
Season 3 Episode 3 - Aired 3/27/1998
Ted and Dougal turn detective to discover who's behind the bumper crop of hairy babies on Craggy Island. However when justice is done on the culprit he takes a terrible revenge. Dougal's moonlighting stint as island milkman is marred by a bomb set to go off if the milk float drops below 4 mph. Does 'The Poseidon Adventure' hold the key to his rescue, or would Father Jack's pet brick come in more useful?
Director: Graham Linehan
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.8/108 votes#4 - Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse
Season 3 Episode 6 - Aired 4/17/1998
A lost bet with Dick Byrne means Ted has to kick Bishop Brennan up the bum. On cue, Len arrives with PA Father Jessup, the world's most sarcastic priest. Elaborate preparations, a camera, a skirting board, a set of watercolours and some psychological warfare on Ted's part ensure a successful outcome... or do they?
Director: Graham Linehan
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.6/105 votes#5 - Competition Time
Season 1 Episode 4 - Aired 5/12/1995
It's the 'All Priests Stars In Their Eyes Lookalike Competition', and showbusiness personality Henry Sellers, a former alcoholic, has landed on the island to host the festivities. Father Ted is determined not to go as Mother Teresa again, but he isn't the only one to think of Elvis. It takes some quick thinking to beat Father Byrne's team from nearby Rugged Island.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.5/104 votes#6 - Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading
Season 2 Episode 8 - Aired 4/26/1996
Ted and co. enter a giving-things-up-for-Lent contest and soon discover that abstinence is easier preached than done. Father Jack sobers up for the first time in years, but Dougal and Ted find their resolve wavering. To strengthen their vows Ted calls in a nun to supervise them. She turns out to be a sadist of the first water, and the results are inevitable.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.4/109 votes#7 - New Jack City
Season 2 Episode 9 - Aired 5/3/1996
After discovering Father Jack is suffering yet again(!) from "hairy hand syndrome," Ted is delighted to send Jack, by "doctor's orders," to St. Clabberts Old Folks Home (otherwise known as 'Jurassic Park'). Unfortunately, Jack's replacement happens to be one of the nastiest priests ever - Father Fintan Stack. Along with his disregard for the church, Stack has a rather irritating habit of playing jungle music loudly at 3 o'clock in the morning, and a plan is hatched to get Jack back to sort out Stack.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.4/105 votes#8 - The Mainland
Season 3 Episode 4 - Aired 4/3/1998
A perfectly routine trip to the mainland results in Dougal almost dying from malnutrition, Mrs Doyle being chucked in the clink, Ted nearly being beaten up by Victor Meldrew, and Father Jack joining Alcoholics Anonymous. A chance encounter with old friends Noel Furlong and the St. Luke's Youth Group in some spooky caves spells spelaeological trouble for our heroes.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.3/106 votes#9 - Good Luck, Father Ted
Season 1 Episode 1 - Aired 4/21/1995
Ted gets his chance to be on TV when he is to be interviewed by a magazine programme. But 'FunLand', the most pathetic travelling fair ever invented has come to Craggy Island, and while Ted is distracted with Father Jack, Dougal seizes his moment of glory.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.2/104 votes#10 - Tentacles of Doom
Season 2 Episode 3 - Aired 3/21/1996
The Holy Stone of Clonrichert is to be upgraded to a class 2 relic, and unfortunately this entails three Bishops visiting the island - Father Jack must be housetrained quickly. Only one of the bishops dies - Ted therefore considers this to have been a relatively successful visit.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.2/108 votes#11 - The Plague
Season 2 Episode 6 - Aired 4/12/1996
Rabbit-phobic Bishop Brennan pays a visit to investigate reports of Father Jack sleepwalking naked. Unfortunately Dougal has overrun the house with rabbits, and a Terry & June-style farce ensues as Ted and Dougal attempt to keep Father Jack in bed, and the ever-multiplying rabbits away from the bishop.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.2/109 votes#12 - Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep
Season 3 Episode 2 - Aired 3/20/1998
Ted gets mixed up in a web of intrigue and double-cross when he bets the Parochial House heating budget on Chris, the burping sheep. The lads bring Chris to stay at the house in an attempt to improve his chances at 'King of the Sheep 98', but can Ted quell his burping in time for the great day?
Director: Graham Linehan
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/105 votes#13 - Entertaining Father Stone
Season 1 Episode 2 - Aired 4/28/1995
The world's most boring priest comes to stay, and he just won't go away. After his worst ever birthday party, Father Ted prays for deliverance from Father Stone, but a lightning strike wasn't what he expected.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/105 votes#14 - The Passion of Saint Tibulus
Season 1 Episode 3 - Aired 5/5/1995
The local cinema is showing a film condemned by the Church for its X-rated and blasphemous depiction of Saint Tibulus. Bishop Brennan is dispatched to the island to ensure that the priests take to the picket line in protest. But their defiant stand only gives more publicity to the film, which becomes an overnight success. It is left to Father Jack to stop the Bishop from sending them packing.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/106 votes#15 - Hell
Season 2 Episode 1 - Aired 3/8/1996
Ted, Dougal and Jack go on an all-expenses-spared holiday to Kilkelly Caravan Park. They meet a young couple, and are soon in trouble with the police. Entertainment comes in the shape of St Kevin's Stump and the Magic Road. Father Jack goes missing; Father Noel Furlong and his youth group turn up to put the final nail in the coffin of the holiday.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/104 votes#16 - Flight Into Terror
Season 2 Episode 10 - Aired 5/10/1996
Ted and co. end up crammed in an aeroplane along with every other priest who has appeared in their lives after a visit to the Shrine of Kinlettle. In a usual fit of stupidity, Dougal manages to empty the fuel tanks on the plane. To make matters worse, there are only two parachutes, so Ted devises a way for the priests to compete for the parachutes. Unfortunately, Jack has other plans.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/104 votes#17 - Night of the Nearly Dead
Season 3 Episode 7 - Aired 4/24/1998
Jumper-wearing pop sensation Eoin McLove comes to visit. Unfortunately his presence leads hundreds of infatuated middle-aged ladies to surround the house, and the usual hilarious mix-ups ensue. But McLove's easy-going stage persona masks a terrible secret..
Director: Graham Linehan
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/101 votes#18 - Anger Man
Season 1 Episode 1 - Aired 1/4/2022
After a successful visit to an anger management centre, Toast is a new man and sets about apologising to all the people he's been rude to. However, when he reveals the extent of his wrongdoing to Purchase, the pair come face to face at the Colonial Club.
Director: Michael Cumming
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/101 votes#19 - LA Story
Season 1 Episode 2 - Aired 1/11/2022
Toast gets offered his first part in a major Hollywood film, but will he get through the increasingly bizarre auditions?
Director: Michael Cumming
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/101 votes#20 - The Scorecard
Season 1 Episode 3 - Aired 1/18/2022
Russ is far from pleased that Toast is going on a date with glamorous sexologist, Shepherd Gerbil, but Toast is smitten despite her rather clinical lovemaking.
Director: Michael Cumming
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/101 votes#21 - Death Valley
Season 1 Episode 5 - Aired 2/1/2022
Toast has been signed up to star in a Western. However, after a very bumpy trailer ride Toast finds himself marooned in the desert and no sign of anybody else from the crew.
Director: Michael Cumming
Writer: Arthur Mathews
8.0/101 votes#22 - Monster Mash
Season 1 Episode 6 - Aired 2/8/2022
Toast is looking forward to being on the set of the new Star Wars movie but things soon become complicated when he is kidnapped by two inept criminals.
Director: Michael Cumming
Writer: Arthur Mathews
7.9/1011 votes#23 - Old Grey Whistle Theft
Season 2 Episode 4 - Aired 3/29/1996
Ted goes on a picnic, Mr Benson's whistle is stolen and Dougal learns an important lesson about true friendship. Ted narrowly avoids incriminating himself to save Dougal's worthless hide
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
7.8/106 votes#24 - And God Created Woman
Season 1 Episode 5 - Aired 5/19/1995
A blossoming romance between Father Ted and steamy novelist Polly Clarke threatens to come between a group of visiting nuns and their favourite priest. Among other things, Ted delivers an entire service in a matter of milliseconds, and becomes involved in an armed robbery.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
7.8/109 votes#25 - Think Fast, Father Ted
Season 2 Episode 2 - Aired 3/15/1996
The roof of the Parochial House is leaking, and Ted decides on a raffle to raise the funds, with a car as the prize. Unfortunately, an accident with a cyclist puts something of a dent in the vehicle. A similar car is borrowed from the Dancing Priest in order to save the raffle; however, the priests must then win in order to return the car. Despite this intrigue, the roof does not get repaired.
Director: Declan Lowney
Writer: Arthur Mathews
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Arthur Mathews Ratings Summary
"Are You Right There, Father Ted?" is the best rated episode written by Arthur Mathews. It scored 9.2/10 based on 9 votes. It was directed by Graham Linehan. It aired on 3/15/1998 and is rated 0.4 points higher than their second-best episode, "A Song for Europe".