The Worst Episodes of Footballers' Wives

Episode Rankings

1. #1 Worst Episode
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   0.0/10(0 votes)

   #1 - Sport Relief Episode

   S6:E17/15/2006

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   Director:Unknown

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:Unknown

   Writer:Unknown
2. 

   6.5/10(41 votes)

   #2 - Getting a Result

   S1:E11/8/2002

   Striker Ian Walmsley is thrilled when he gets offered a place on the Earls Park first team. Meanwhile his young wife Donna starts a search for the son she and Ian gave up for adoption nine years ago. Donna's wild-child sister, Marie, arrives from Bolton to stay and immediately scores with the player she's had a crush on for years - the Sparks' charismatic captain, Jason Turner. Famous glamour model Chardonnay Lane and Earls Park FC's resident heart-throb Kyle Pascoe are looking forward to their wedding, despite the interference of Kyle's doting mother Jackie. Jason and his wife Tanya worry about their future when Earls Park announce a new signing - Italian midfielder, Salvatore Biagi, who is a serious threat to Jason's first team place. At the start-of-season party, a violent row breaks out between the Turners and the club chairman, Frank Laslett, and the consequences could be terrible!

   Director:Mike Adams

   Writers:Maureen Chadwick, Ann McManus

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   Director:Mike Adams

   Writers:Maureen Chadwick, Ann McManus
3. 

   6.6/10(29 votes)

   #3 - A Funny Old Game

   S1:E41/29/2002

   Tanya's turns to cocaine to keep her nightmares, is her cocaine habit getting increasingly out of hand? Donna vows to fight for custody of Daniel alone, then throws Ian out of the family home... But soon finds out it's going to be virtually impossible without his lawyers on her side. Ian finds that he is staying at the same hotel as his Italian team-mate Sal Biagi, and the two start to become friends. Newly-wed Chardonnay takes a pair of scissors to her long hair when she gets depressed about her burns - Kyle is concerned but his mother Jackie is less sympathetic. Jason tells Tanya that their marriage is over, but Tanya has other ideas and blackmails him into staying. Tanya befriends Frank's intensive care nurse, Janette Dunkley, so that she can keep tabs on his condition, explaining her interest by claiming that they had an affair. Nurse Dunkley, however, has very dubious motives of her own...and Tanya knows it!...

   Director:Paul Duane

   Writer:Liz Lake

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   Director:Paul Duane

   Writer:Liz Lake
4. 

   6.6/10(23 votes)

   #4 - Episode 8

   S5:E84/13/2006

   Garry meddles in Tanya's financial situation and refuses to tell Jackie how Roger died - leading the pair to decide the club boss needs to answer for his actions. Liberty's latest job gets her into a tricky situation, while pregnant Lucy wonders whether to take Bruno back and Callum's behaviour at his birthday party leads a drug-fuelled Shannon to flirt with guest star Calum Best.

   Director:Martin Hutchings

   Writer:Liz Lake

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   Director:Martin Hutchings

   Writer:Liz Lake
5. 

   6.8/10(22 votes)

   #5 - Episode 2

   S5:E23/2/2006

   Shannon shrugs off the attentions of an obsessive fan, but is shocked to discover he is the team's latest signing. Bruno suffers psychological torture at the hands of Amber, and Darius tries to remain optimistic about his future in football. Liberty and Urszula have a romantic weekend away in Paris, but the mood is ruined when Tremaine unexpectedly turns up at their hotel.

   Director:Richard Signy

   Writer:Johanne McAndrew

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   Director:Richard Signy

   Writer:Johanne McAndrew
6. 

   6.9/10(26 votes)

   #6 - Series 3 - Episode 5

   S3:E53/10/2004

   Harley and Shannon wake up the morning after their wedding looking into the jaws of death - in the form of a 400 pound man-eating lion; Conrad receives a ransom demand for Amber, who has been kidnapped; and Frank appears to have a new lease of life, despite Tanya's scheming.

   Director:Roberto Bangura

   Writer:Harriet Warner

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   Director:Roberto Bangura

   Writer:Harriet Warner
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7. 

   6.9/10(25 votes)

   #7 - Series 4 - Episode 5

   S4:E54/28/2005

   ***Spoiler*** Amber has triumphed by sending Tanya packing – she's got no interest in a reconciliation with Conrad because she's determined to become a singing star, with help from Peter Andre and a track called Bhangra Bootie. Harley isn't happy now that his life with Shannon is the subject of a fly-on-the-wall documentary; gay Noah is struggling with girlfriend Bethany's insatiable desire; Darius is wrecking his life with booze; and Roger's son Seb gets a place in the Earl's Park team.

   Director:Roberto Bangura

   Writer:Liz Lake

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   Director:Roberto Bangura

   Writer:Liz Lake
8. 

   6.9/10(23 votes)

   #8 - Series 4 - Episode 6

   S4:E65/5/2005

   Bruno Milligan is furious when his club Nabakov's Cocoon gets bad publicity in the tabloids; Roger tries to keep an eye on steroid-abusing son Seb and has to make excuses to Hazel; Harley clashes with Shannon whose desire for celebrity is ruining their lives – especially when she adopts a granny to look good on the docusoap; Conrad goes to great lengths to win back Amber; Seb makes a move on stepmum Jackie after downing loads of vodka; and Amber is intervewied by Dr Neil Fox about her pop single Bhangra Bootie.

   Director:S.J. Clarkson

   Writer:Guy Picot

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   Director:S.J. Clarkson

   Writer:Guy Picot
9. 

   6.9/10(22 votes)

   #9 - Episode 3

   S5:E33/9/2006

   Amber continues her campaign of psychological torture against an increasingly erratic Bruno, who is devastated to receive news from the club about his captaincy. Callum's controlling mother sets out to make Shannon's life a misery, and Tre is confused when Liberty rejects his proposal of marriage - not knowing she has her eye on somebody entirely different.

   Director:Jim Loach

   Writer:Liz Lake

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   Director:Jim Loach

   Writer:Liz Lake
10. 

    7.0/10(29 votes)

    #10 - Take Each Game As It Comes

    S1:E21/15/2002

    The Turners worry about their future when they are told that Frank, who remains in a coma, could recover. Ian doesn't want to know when Donna meets the child they gave up for adoption 10 years ago. Tanya catched Jason with Donna's sister, Marie, and learns that Marie was only showing an interest in Salvatore Biagi to make Jason Jealous! Kyle's stag night is as lively as ever, at which Ian is photographed enjoying himself rather too much with two lap-dancers. Chardonnay's hen night goes up in smoke..literally when a couple of drunken fans turn aggressive and cause a terrible accident - will her wedding now take place?!

    Director:Mike Adams

    Writers:Maureen Chadwick, Ann McManus

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    Director:Mike Adams

    Writers:Maureen Chadwick, Ann McManus
11. 

    7.0/10(26 votes)

    #11 - All To Play For

    S1:E52/5/2002

    Ian is back at home and is with Sal Biagi, at the request of the Stefan - much to Donna's annoyance. Tanya promises not to tell anyone of Nurse Dunkley's exploits, on condition that Nurse Dunkley persuades Frank's ex-wife and son to switch off Frank's life support...just as they're about to pull the plug, they get a nasty surprise! Jason is stopped by the police after he tries to force Sal's car off the road. Stefan makes it clear to Jason that he's on his last warning but persuades Sal to cover for his captain. Chardonnay sells the story of her ordeal to a newspaper in the hope of shaming her attackers, but the article does not turn out as she expected. Kyle spends an evening out flirting, as he is furious to see their private life all over the tabloids.

    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Phil Ford

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    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Phil Ford
12. 

    7.0/10(25 votes)

    #12 - All Credit To The Lads

    S1:E72/19/2002

    When Chardonnay faints at the gym, blood tests reveal that she is pregnant! After announcing their news to the press, Kyle is horrified to discover that he is not about to become proud dad, but in fact, a brother as the test results are those of Jackie! Jackie suggests to Kyle and Chardonay that they bring up the child as their own. Ian is made vice-captain but humiliates himself in his first match by getting sent off. Donna finds herself having a passionate encounter with Sal when she becomes irritated by Ian's obsession with his career! Kyle tell's Sheena, an obsessed fan, where his loyalties lie. Jason's hooks up with a new top agent, Hazel Bailey. Frank, persuaded by Tanya, has Jason reinstated in the team. Tanya has sex with Frank and he starts to have flashbacks about Nurse Dunkley!

    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Jaden Clark

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    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Jaden Clark
13. 

    7.1/10(26 votes)

    #13 - Winning The Double

    S1:E62/12/2002

    Jason demands to be put on the transfer list when Stefan decides to put him on the bench in favour of Sal...bored and lonely after being dropped from the team, he finds comfort in the arms of Kyle's mother Jackie. Chardonnay arranges a romantic break for herself and Ktle to aid their relationship. Sheena hangs around the training ground, hoping to meet Kyle again. Marie attempts to seduce Sal but is convinced that he's gay when he rejects her advances. Frank is slowly recovering, but has short-term memory loss and can't remember the night of the attack. Nurse Dunkley 'reminds' Frank of the affair that Tanya invented, but can Tanya keep lying?

    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Jaden Clark

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    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Jaden Clark
14. 

    7.1/10(24 votes)

    #14 - Series 3 - Episode 8

    S3:E83/31/2004

    Kyle's first day back at training looks doubtful when he arrives home bruised after a night of bare-knuckle boxing. Shannon has just had her lips done and Harley starts to despair. Tanya is furious as Amber appears to be winning her way back into Conrad's life - then she discovers that Noah is also a player for Conrad's affections!!

    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Liz Lake
15. 

    7.1/10(25 votes)

    #15 - Series 4 - Episode 7

    S4:E75/12/2005

    Seb looked on as Jackie and Roger argued... but what is he planning to do?! Lucy plays a dangerous game by agreeing to meet her internet friend. Hazel is on a warpath when Roger refuses to let Seb play again. Amber tries to play Hazel at her own game at a board meeting!

    Director:S.J. Clarkson

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:S.J. Clarkson

    Writer:Liz Lake
16. 

    7.1/10(20 votes)

    #16 - Episode 4

    S5:E43/16/2006

    Liberty takes drastic action to save her relationship after the shock of finding herself on the tabloids' front pages. Callum's overjoyed when Shannon suggests he move in, and the pair throw a lavish housewarming. Amber decides the party is the perfect time to exact her final revenge on Bruno - but it seems he could be wise to her manipulations.

    Director:Jim Loach

    Writers:Liz Lake, Susan Wilkins

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    Director:Jim Loach

    Writers:Liz Lake, Susan Wilkins
17. 

    7.2/10(26 votes)

    #17 - Just Can't Give Up

    S2:E11/8/2003

    Five months have passed since the end of series 1...5 months of hell for Donna and Ian, whose daughter Holly is still missing. Tanya and Frank are in court...not because of Tanya's attack on Frank but because she claims he raped her! Jackie has had her baby in the States and is happily claiming that it's Kyle and Chardonnay's - how long will this act be successful as Jason is beginning to realise that it's his baby from his one night stand with Jackie. Tanya withdrew her allegations against Frank but nothijg happened because she convinced the court that he had mental problems. Ian faced being dropped from the team - especially when he left a game, without telling anyone, to follow a postman with a lead on his daughter's whereabouts...

    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Liz Lake
18. 

    7.2/10(26 votes)

    #18 - A Change of Career?

    S2:E52/5/2003

    Depressed and lonely after discovering that Donna has gone back to Ian, Sal falls into the arms of Fredrica...Stefan's daughter. Tanya worms her way back into the marital home, but even so, Jason treats her badly. Tanya's due in court for drugs offences...will she get sent to prison?! Jason manages to talk his way out of trouble with the Pascoe's and even persuades Kyle to let Jackie keep the baby for the time being. Tanya has another encounter with Darius. Jackie and Jason try to decide what to do about baby Paddy, but have more important things on their mind when he develops a fever.

    Director:Craig Lines

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:Craig Lines

    Writer:Liz Lake
19. 

    7.2/10(23 votes)

    #19 - Series 3 - Episode 2

    S3:E22/18/2004

    Amber and Conrad find themselves at the mercy of a Triad gang demanding a huge sum of money. Harley's girlfriend Shannon joins him in London, but soon finds her face doesn't fit and pays a visit to a plastic surgeon. Tanya discovers Frank is broke, and soon sets her sights on Conrad - resulting in a catfight with Amber. Kyle seeks solace in gambling dens.

    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Liz Lake
20. 

    7.2/10(24 votes)

    #20 - Series 3 - Episode 3

    S3:E32/25/2004

    As Kyle lies in agony his future in the Premiership is also in doubt. Shannon is pleased with her nose job and turns her attention to her weight. Hazel wants to take over the club. Amber attempts to revive her flagging film career. Frank lays his future on the line with Tanya, who is more concerned about snagging Conrad from Amber.

    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:Laurence Moody

    Writer:Liz Lake
21. 

    7.2/10(26 votes)

    #21 - Series 4 - Episode 4

    S4:E44/21/2005

    Will Katie use her harpoon gun as Darius wakes up to find himself at her mercy!? Noah is pleased as punch - he's done it with a girl and she's gagging for more! At the opening night of Bruno's new club, Tanya steals the show with her new engagement ring, but when Conrad hears the result of the DNA test, the engagement is called off - What will the reprocussions be for Tanya! Roger does the deal on a new player - his son Seb! Hazel is far from amused when she learns that Amber has Tanya's shares, meaning she is now on the board!

    Director:Roberto Bangura

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:Roberto Bangura

    Writer:Liz Lake
22. 

    7.2/10(25 votes)

    #22 - Series 4 - Episode 8

    S4:E85/19/2005

    Roger and Jackie's marriage hits crisis point and Seb is determined to twist the knife in further. Bruno is becoming suspicious of Lucy. Noah breaks the news of his engagement to Conrad - there's no turning back now. Amber's record is getting lots of airplay, but her pop career looks doomed when Conrad is told he's being sold to Madrid. A distraught Jackie spots Roger entering a brothel and seeks comfort in the arms of her stepson.

    Director:Roberto Bangura

    Writer:Guy Picot

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    Director:Roberto Bangura

    Writer:Guy Picot
23. 

    7.2/10(28 votes)

    #23 - Episode 1

    S5:E12/23/2006

    The team's new chairman, former rock star Garry Ryan, opens the Conrad Gates Memorial Stand, while Amber employs alternative means to discover the truth about her husband's death. Bruno and Lucy renew their wedding vows in a lavish ceremony, and Shannon struggles without Harley.

    Director:Richard Signy

    Writer:Helen Childs

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    Director:Richard Signy

    Writer:Helen Childs
24. 

    7.3/10(29 votes)

    #24 - On The Ball

    S1:E31/22/2004

    The day of Kyle and Chardonnay's wedding arrives, complete with a glossy magazine deal, and despite the burns Chardonnay received. Her happiness is spoiled, however, as she learns that the men who caused her injuries will not be charged! The adoptive mother of Ian and Donna Walmsley's son Daniel arrives distraught at the reception to tell them he is missing. Ian panics when the news about his secret son hits the headlines, but the Sparks' manager Stefan Hauser arranges for the club to assign a lawyer to start a custody battle on Ian and Donna's behalf. Tanya Turner starts to have nightmares about Frank Laslett , who still lies in a coma, and gets little support from Jason who is more interested in his affair with Donna's teenage sister Marie. And Donna is horrified when the Walmsleys' private lives make the papers yet again - this time, it's Ian's exploits with a couple of lap-dancers at Kyle's stag night

    Director:Paul Duane

    Writer:Liz Lake

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    Director:Paul Duane

    Writer:Liz Lake
25. 

    7.3/10(26 votes)

    #25 - The Ties That Bind

    S2:E21/15/2003

    Ian and Donna are overjoyed to have Holly home...but not so delighted when Stefan tells them that Ian is to be put on the transfer list! Jason has a chat with Jackie about the baby, that he now knows is his. Kyle is questioned by the police...as well as Chardonnay and the press... about the body in the pool - did he have an affair? - After some good work by Hazel though, he was given a full apology when it emerges that he didn't. Chardonnay catches Jackie breastfeeding the baby. After a night drinking with Hazel, Tanya wakes up in bed next to Hazel!...oh dear!

    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Helen Childs

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    Director:Julie Edwards

    Writer:Helen Childs