Books opened up the world to young Fran. Today, she can't throw a volume away — but she will trash the writer of a glowing blurb for a lousy tome.

Mean cabbies, arty subway stations, interstellar tourism and spacey bus drivers can get Fran going. Then Leonardo DiCaprio offered her an e-cigarette.

Meet Fran Lebowitz and join her on her rambles as she muses about deadly distractions, Times Square terror, subway stoppers and total building fails.

The mysteries of talent are scrutinized as Fran looks at the peril of writing, the joy of Motown and the time Charles Mingus chased her on the street.

It's a living: Fran hates money but loves things, so she must work — though she prefers to read. Winning the lottery may be her only other option.

Knowing that some are annoyed that she's still alive, Fran understands that smoking is bad for you. "Wellness" and sports sound even worse to her.

Fran's all about fun — guilty pleasures, not so much. Just give her a party, a movie, a small child or a luminous Cary Grant. You can keep technology.