Sketches/Songs: ""Hawaiian War Chant"", ""Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"", ""Lady Be Good"", ""The William Tell Overture"", ""Veterinarian's Hospital"", Fozzie's Act, ""Bird in a Gilded Cage""

Kermit becomes jealous when Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Hilda and Scooter rave about Peter Ustinov. At the end, Peter admits that he's jealous of Kermit; he's always wanted to be a frog.

Fozzie Bear becomes embroiled in a running gag involving the backstage phone. Throughout the episode, Rita parodies her combative image. She battles with several Muppets, including Miss Piggy, a Full-Bodied Muppet, and Animal, who's backing her on drums in her closing number, "Fever."

Sketches/Songs: "A Gypsy's Violin", "When", "Down Memory Lane", Masseur sketch, "It's Not Easy Bein' Green", "Muppet Labs", "Cigarettes & Whiskey"

Statler and Waldorf get their chance to do a better show than Kermit--they play host, while Kermit and Fozzie heckle from the balcony. Unfortunately, Statler and Waldorf's acts don't turn out exactly as they plan. The Berlin National Opera Company cancels and are replaced by the Salzburg Sauerkraut Singers. Hal's Fourth of July number is invaded by Gonzo on a sleigh singing Christmas songs. Finally, Statler and Waldorf admit that the show is harder to put together than it looks and happily go back to complaining from the balcony.

Miss Piggy hires Scooter to pay off the audience to go wild for her. She also has him send her dozens of bouquets and write her piles of fan mail, all part of an attempt to get Kermit to notice her more. Piggy and Scooter stage a conversation for Kermit to overhear, in which she pretends to have an offer from another show, but Kermit isn't fooled. After finding out from Scooter what's really going on, he tells Piggy he's heard about her offer and has decided to let her go. When she breaks down in tears, sobbing that she can't leave him, Kermit agrees to take her back, but at a lower salary. After all, if she can afford to have Scooter pay off the audience for her... Miss Piggy gets hysterical and depressed, but is refreshed by Dom DeLuise.

Sketches/Songs: "Cuento Le Gusta", "Train Back Home", "Chattanooga Choo Choo", "Veterinarian's Hospital", "Wotcher (Knocked 'Em in the Old Kent Road)", "I Won't Dance", "World's Most Powerful Explosive", "Medley"

Kermit calls the Secret Service to hire real spies for Roger's closing number. (They're listed in the Yellow Pages.) However, Roger wants to do a cute, cuddly version of "Talk to the Animals". The spies, anxious for a chance to rub out James Bond, pose as fluffy animals to infiltrate the number.

Beaker tests Muppet Labs' new copier machine, ultimately falling into it and making seven copies of himself. The multiple Beakers gang up on Bunsen, and the doctor is forced to wear a disguise and hide from his assistants.

Robin wants his own spot on the show, but his uncle Kermit doesn't even notice him with bigger costars like Thog, Sweetums, and Timmy stomping around. The little frog even tries to run away but just ends up locked in his own suitcase. When Bernadette Peters notices him and tries to cheer him up, however, Robin finds out that all the Muppets believe in him. He becomes so confident that he demands to sing "They Call the Wind Maria," but Kermit settles on a cute, little song called "I'm Five" instead.

Sketches/Songs: The Electric Mayhem, A Wagner opera performed, "Swine Lake", "Something's Missing", "Veterinarian's Hospital", "It's Cold Outside", "Clair De Lune", "Top Hat"

Kermit borrows fifty million dollars worth of gold for Shirley's closing number, "Goldfinger". Security guard Bruno is suspicious that Kermit wants to steal the gold, but keeping an eye on the frog makes him overlook a band of pig thieves, who steal all the gold as Shirley sings.

Fozzie performs Gags Beasley's famous "banana sketch," which everyone has heard of except Kermit. When Kermit asks Sandy and Fozzie to tell him what it is, they laugh too hard to explain it.

A young kid named Scooter applies for a job as a go-fer. When Kermit remarks that he doesn't even look like a gopher, Scooter explains that he'll go-fer coffee, he'll go-fer sandwiches, he'll go-fer anything. Kermit says he doesn't have the money to hire him, until Scooter mentions that his uncle owns the theater.

Kermit cuts Miss Piggy's scheduled song so she won't look foolish following Lena Horne. He tells her that "there are singers and there are singers," making her think that he doesn't want her to show up Lena.

When he's unable to get a spot on the show, Gonzo asks Scooter to be his manager. Scooter advises Gonzo to do a rock act, banging on a large rock with a mallet. Later, Gonzo tries his hand at female impersonation, wearing a dress and a blonde wig. Scooter gives up managing when Gonzo eats his contract.

To make Kermit jealous, Miss Piggy instructs Scooter to tell him that Avery is in love with her. Kermit finds out that it's all a trick, and Piggy karate-chops everybody.

When Fozzie overhears Hilda, Kermit, and Scooter talking about getting rid of "that bear," he thinks they're talking about him, only to find out later it's actually Gonzo's teddy bear that everyone is badmouthing.

Fozzie Bear is so intimidated by the thought of meeting Milton Berle, "the King of Comics," that he spends the whole show hiding from the guest star. His flimsy disguises don't fool Kermit or Scooter, but when Fozzie finally overhears Milton saying that he'd like to do a song-and-dance with him, Fozzie springs out of hiding, and the pair performs "Top Banana" together in baggy pants and big shoes.

Kermit cancels the show in order to audition new acts. Guest star Steve is angry at first, but he goes on to perform for the cast. Fozzie worries that Kermit plans to hire replacements, especially after the audition of a canine comedian, Baskerville the Hound. Kermit tells Fozzie that he should appreciate seeing another artist's work -- until Lenny the Lizard auditions as a new emcee. A young singing girl, called Mary/Terry/Carrie Louise, is systematically removed off, when she makes an attempt of audition with her croaking partner.

Fozzie Bear has a new rollerskating act, but since he doesn't know how to skate, he spends the entire episode careening around backstage. He eventually manages to roll out onto the stage to tell his jokes, but when he gets too ambitious and tries to skate backwards on one leg, he falls off the stage.

Kermit is plagued by a night of backstage crises. A group of skiers get hurt during the opening number, and after Kermit says that the theater will cover their medical costs, Scooter forgets to cash the check. The Teeterini Family are angry that their teeter board won't fit on the stage. The Swedish Chef prepares spring chicken, and the bouncing chicken drives Kermit crazy. And let's not even talk about the blindfolded, hang-gliding yodelers.

Rizzo and the other rats bother Kermit for a spot on the show, so Kermit asks Beauregard to "take care of them." Of course, Bo takes that literally, and treats them as guests. The rats make Beau their president, and manipulate him into giving them food. The rats eventually become so bold that they decide to take over the show. Kermit says Beau has to kick them out, or he goes with them. Beau chooses to stick with his new rat friends, until Miss Piggy enlightens him.

Robin's Frog Scout troop visits the show, getting in everyone's way backstage. They ask Debbie for help earning their punk merit badges, and she teaches them how to do the pogo. When Gonzo cancels his act, the Frog Scouts get their chance to do a performance of close-order drills.

A messenger brings a message from the scheduled guest star -- Benny Brillstein, the Yiddish yodeler. Benny refuses to be on the show, so Kermit asks Chris, the messenger boy, to be the guest. Chris knows a joke, so Kermit introduces him as a comedian.