The Best Episodes of The Tom Green Show

-Guarding the pee (skiing equipment) -intro -buying condoms -Glenn Humplik is hiding -Tom talks with some striking Ontario teachers. -The clam digger skiff -Gas engine in the mall -blind date with David bowie -interview with Aliea Hewert from express connections- -NYPD GREEN (greasy cop) -bowling trophy (your the champ!) -band: local rabbits

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-prime minister can you sign my balls -intro -everyone likes fights (magneto vs. wolverine) -the southpole crew -meat vs. mug -the bag lady (time to clean the city) -hugs -interview with the butcher (lambs head fun) Russell Chuadary -Ashley Maciassac (im Ashley Friggin Macissac) -pump it up ya'll (hand held rap) -Toms Grandma, and the infamous briefcase of Dereks -band: Bloody Chickets

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-beach tanning (know what im saying) -intro -oxymen girls are pretty -someone took Glenn's watch (but I have a watch motch motch motch) -hugs -clockwork orange (hustlin dude) -interview with the guy from the "Waffle house" -Scubahood -dirty pictures (Glenn is big in the gay community) -buying condoms part 2 -band: This minor tremble

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-do ya think IM sexy? -intro -interview with the spanish sailor -Glenn shows his ass (Money Bags Humplik) + Tom sings "Children" -this is a message from Don Carleon! (cow head at 3am) -Where are you going. aka: Tom vs. Old man! -Lord Sheffield razor guest. Shaving Toms Legs -climbing palm trees in the sun -band: Hot Piss

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-hollywood blvd. bums talk with Tom -intro -the Canterbury tales -fire in parents bed at 3am -toms parents gueststar, and fire extinguish tom and Glenn -tom raps with some sisters. They think he is french, Italian, or polish. But he is not jewish. -fishing for the vacuum shark -vandex guest.. tom sniffs it and goes ballistic -have no fear, burning feet man is here -rappin with yet another sister.. tom dances free style -cow brain boat -band: Scratching post

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-Tom solves the OJ simpson murder mystery -intro -hockey guy -tom with the old man makeup. Dave Allston is ejected and banned from the show (good) -pissed off scientist -Phil giroux's bachelor tips. use paper plates and plastic bowls. bed lots of women. make tom laugh.. etc -tom neilson, guest.. whipping onions at the tom green/brad pitt painting on the wall -NYPD GREEN : ballistics... "now eat my ass!" -3am radio easter egg hunt at Toms parents house -toms grandmother gives tongue brushing techniques -kiki and the tv cans on the trees -band: salmonblaster

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-Tom, Derek, and Ray run outta gas in mexico. tom does impressions for people waiting for the gas -intro -Jimmy cab, makes replica of earth. sends man hole covers around the world -Glenn gives instructions for tom to be funny. tom sprays food and sauce on the audience..chaos -big ben -ufo's are real. Tom is visited by the "raelien" cult -guest Joanne, the nail gun expert -a date with god Glenn Humplik: the sucker. Glenn is forced to by a young girl radiohead tickets, and in return tom gets him a 'sucker' tshirt -tom interrupts an Elvis fan concert.. dances and gets people pissed -band: short fall

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-tom plays a bus driver.. who makes a young boy walk past his stop -intro -breadheads return: tom hassles people who he thinks are is mommy. "are you my mother" -Foster Children Tug of war. Alimotou -Glenn's day of justice, toms revenge -tom the movie usher -guest: some relationship expert -condom buyer, with the little engine -tom in drag. swimming with fish and sharks in the ocean -toms new joke.. sidewalk headbanging -band: starling -tom has fun at the Hollywood sign, but its raining

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-dancing man, and tom -intro -fun with science, the urinating scientist -tic tac toe with the audience, yelling at them "you stupid dummy" -rappin with the wheelchair brother in Chicago, talking about cheese -hockey guy -foreign cultures, with your host: Jim Cab -guest: ceiling fan expert -the duster -the apology (skinny pig): with derek and tom, apologizing for being filthy liars -band: spinecracker

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-dennis woodruff, the struggling actor -intro -tom fulfills a dream: meeting Alex trebek -a game: stinky whiskey buttons with the audience -rappin with the wheelchair brother in Chicago, talking about batteries -Derek Harvies impounded car is found in Kingston, and he is almost arrested for hopping a fence -guest: soap dispenser expert -hip hop woman (tom in drag.. kicks it fresh) -ceiling fan: sending hotdogs around the world -driving with a cab driver, who is a masturbation expert -band: boywonder

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-Hollywood gay old man -intro -the power of the camera: the drunk imbecile that tom and Phil met in a bar. Who is tied up, and covered with milk -guest: car starter expert. Tom covers his face with tinfoil and screams at him -Humplik: an astronaut in training -tom walks with a swagger -Phil's pickup techniques.. trying to get tom a hug and kiss, phil practically humps a chick -cookin a live lobster with Glenn and tom -NYPD GREEN : the smallest father. "your father is dead asshole" -harassing a nice pakistani man. "say you love the tom green show" "i dove de domb gren shiew" -band: bertha does moosejaw -toms eyes and talking with ray, as credits roll

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-rotting head cartoon guy.. Eagle ate his brain -intro -fashion police, with tom, some girl, and toms ex -tom calls audience members house, and tells their parents that he is screwing their daughter, doing cocaine, etc -3am , the slut mobile -mexican boner in toms pants -pro fur lady -mc face, video for "slaughta ya oughta" -standup comedy loser -celebrity watching: jean claude vandamme, vanilla ice, hitler, and Leslie neilson -fun with street musicians -band: sully

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-shock at the marilyn manson concert -intro -come blow with me -Guest: Jean-marc from Ritchies welding -Searching Mexico for Toms cross dressing brother -cartoon guy and his bag of eyes -Hip Hop camping -Breaking Wayne Gretzkys records -Fun Game: Hair + Vaseline game with audience girl Jody -Tom Green Land -the philophser -NYPD GREEN: Under Desk -band: brandon walsh

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- Terry Cloth robe: Tom and SNL's Will Farrell discuss his nice aqua bath robe - intro - Talkin with Glenn, the money grubbing bastard - Falling down in the streets.. (making fun of cripples) - Revivin' a dead moose - Guest: Bruce the chef.. throwin a halibut into the audience - Billy Bob's Mountain... eatin caramels in town - Cyntra the Domanatrix .. you pee on people! how much for the warm poo - Foamin newsreporter... Tom visits a Calgary television station during noon news. - Glenn's scam: moving Laptops - Tom visits a joke shop. Finds an anal intruder, and a masturbation kit.. embarrasses old woman - Game: Jugs of Orange Juice. Spraying Glenn Humplik with milk - Signing with the old native woman: "and away we go.." - Finale with the sleeping moose, more humping..

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- Playing soccer with a deer - Intro - Secret audience camera: Spraying Glenn Humplik with milk - Billy Bob: "I like putting rocks in my bum" - Guest: Rene', the crazy mental guy that cant speak clearly - Small town: Kenora, Ontario. High voiced Tom applies at local radio stations, followed by cable access show: Big city Beef - Making fun of Humplik's car: the suzuzki swift - Holding up traffic: tom puts his face on the side of a bus - Sneakin into movies: makin friends with scott - Talkin with a crazy old racist man "I like that negro eddie murphy" - Glenn Humplik loves children: Who are slaves and make his t-shirts. Spraying Glenn Humplik with milk - Observation Humor

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- Playing with chipmunks - Intro - Glenn message to children: smoke tom green show cigarettes.. "hey im the best" - Milkin Cows: Police Officer - Phone Fun: "the best pizza", a look back at the cartoon Hercules. Spraying Glenn Humplik with milk - Billy Bob's friend Joan - Giving drives to people : the magnet man - Rubbing the mic on 2 laughing old Italian guys - Sean the van guy meets Tom. Lets have a hand for the pedophiles - Toms bloody bike injury - Guest: Denise Swanson. The Crack Baby dont come back lady - Tom interrupts meeting, violence erupts "Im a piece of corn on the cob! Im a myna bird!"

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- Scaring a window washing lady - Intro - Glenn and Tom talk about Garvrosh (Glenns cat). Tom gives Glenn 2 kittens as a present. He has to keep them or they die - Lauries dead pigeon - Glenn drinking alcohol on the show - Is Tom funny when he is drunk?: Rum and coke, throwin up Lebanese food - Makin Glenn vomit: "Come on hump daddy!" - Milkin Cows: Tom in Drag - Guest: Jacques, dressed as a sunflower ... plays with Racky the dead racoon - Soccer Hooligan - Toms Parents, Tom and Phil must save Toms dad.. buying medicine in china town from Dr. Chang. Skate boarding, Tom wipes out

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- Observational Humor: You ladies all have nice hair cuts.. you must work in a salon - Glenns a major ladies man. Cheated on his girlfriend in a ski chalet - Milkin Cows: Captain Kirk - Toms a taco: dipped into salsa by Hump - Intercom trixter - Guest: Kim Rogers; lab technician, and Phils girlfriend. Also touches Phils penis - Toms artistic masterpiece: Tiger Zebra. Hanging in the national gallery of Canada - Tom flicks Phils piss at Glenn - Rescuing a dead hawk - Glenn gives Tom some porn. Glenn steals cable with a black box - Tom pours semen onto Glenn.. he'd been saving up - Tom sings to Pierce Brosnon - Guest: a psychic that really sucks.

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- Milkin Cows: Tom dressed as a cop milks a cow in downtown Toronto - Intro - Pizza Stick: Glenn Humplik - Modern Family Restaurant - Guest: Allen Shields: nudist, fun old guy - Lookin for nature, wrapped in saran wrap and tinfoil - Contest for a cruise: phone inside Racky - Talking with a toothless old man - Injured bird gets into the bank - Chainsawing the desk - Injured Tom with Bike... cops bust him - Beat Glenn with a loaf of bread - Toms poem to a chinese girl

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- Allen Shields in his undies falls down the stairs - Intro - Blue faced Humplik. Contest: Guess the sound. Glenn likes his sisters breasts - Tourist Tom: "This sucks.. ohh that sucks" - Phone fun: calling people, guess the sound contest - Billy Bob: drinking the kids juice.. - Phil Giroux: likes to laugh at the less fortunate - Talking with the deaf old man, makin faces - Tom and Glenn makeout - 3am in St. Paul. The UFO visitor - Guest: Art the sperm expert. Phils semen is tested, then flung at Glenn by Tom. - The rock collector: Tom eats cow shite - Chainsawing the desk: evacuate the studio - Crowd outside, Tom plays in a fire truck...

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- Milkin Cows: Tom the cop milks cows in downtown Toronto. Derek is interviewed and says its great and artistic - Intro - Electric Fly swatter test on Glenn - You can order these amazing products - Dancing with dead fishes - A fan writes: Glenn does nothing on the show. Spraying a Polaroid of Glenn Humplik with milk - Security Enthusiast - The man with paper wings - Toms revenge on metro magazine - "I love you Glenn": Tamera the stripper gives glenn a lap dance - More fly swatter fun - Talking with the deaf old man part 2 "can ladies wear shorts?" - Chainsawing the desk.. putting the head through the hole - Kids should enjoy nature.. they shouldnt do drugs and put their penises into vaginas ok!

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- Billy Bob annoys a street mime - Intro - Billy Bob hosts the show. Talks about Ray Hagel molesting him - Milking Cows: The Mexican Hombre' Senior' Herve' - Visiting Ray in the truck... more molest talk - Makin faces: talking to a gibbering old man - Poster Abuse in Ottawa, morbid guitar woman - Guest: David Blackman.. with Billy Bob. Chainsawing Dolls, and milk - Playing Guitar: Harassing people in a pink dress - Talking with a lady eating pie "Go to hell" - Billy Bobs prank phone calls - Talkin with people in a store.. Tom rolls around on his back - More Billy Bob prank calls.. Discussing Glenn selling Hash - Playing with hick kids go karts

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- Singing East Indian dude intro... - Intro - Talkin with Glenn; clip showing how much SNL's Will Farrell hates Glenn - Tom dresses as a robot, and prepares to eat some meat - Harassing people in a cowboy hat, singing a western ditty over and over again - The Ottawa sticker man - Playing with the phone: shocking a audience member "Dont break it.. it cost 15 bucks" - How to make a hand glider - "Deer run faster than people...bugs bite people..making it harder to film animals.. sunsets are nice.. and Toms an idiot" - Phil Giroux gets a nude massage - Billy Bob talks about carrots - Phone contest: Guess the sound - Mc Face: attends a wood carving convention - Chainsawing the phone

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- Clutch clip; Tom is the internet cafe worker - Intro - Brick wall action! happening here tonight - Celebrity Watching: rocket richard, nelson mandela - I like Coffee.. I also like God - Talkin with a Mr. Sub employee - Billy Bob talks with young ladies eating pizza - Dustpan: The 12oz coffee cup part 2 - The grand wizard election - Visiting Ray Hagel in the truck.. Glenn slams an egg in a audience girls face - Crazy Tom in an elevator: talkin about crappy books he has - Open audition for "the new baby" - Racky the raccoon magic tricks - Old guy doesnt like the way T.V. is going - Wrap Up... cheese sandwich couple

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- Chinese dude intro - Intro - Defending Humplik, Glenn doesnt know C++ (neither do I..) - Tom goes on a garbage route - Bullhorn comedy in Eatons, talking to the deaf camera man.. using bullhorn to announce he has condoms - Phone Fun: calling crime stoppers reporting Glenn cheats on his girlfriend. Spraying Glenn Humplik with milk - Celery Generals - Guest: Ed the Sock. Spraying milk on ed, and his puppeteer - The dysfunctional mall. Repeats segment replaced with profile on Humplik: the band (due to legal reasons) - Glenn Humplik sings a song: "When I was young"

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