The Best Episodes Written By David Croft

Episode Rankings

1. #1 Fan Favorite
   

   9.0/10(4 votes)

   #1 - The Gâteau from the Château (Christmas Special 1985)

   S0:E212/26/1985

   The airmen's escape is thwarted by Nazi gunfire, and the air balloon crashes into Madame Fanny's bedroom. General Von Klinkerhoffen takes command of Nouvion and orders Colonel Von Strohm to woo Edith in order to infiltrate the Resistance. The Colonel soon delegates the duty to Captain Hans Geering. Herr Flick plots the death of the General by poisoned dart, with Helga assigned to do the fatal deed. The Colonel and the Captain plan to poison the General's wine with a lethal pill, whilst Michelle has Edith make a Black Forest Gateau packed with dynamite.

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   Writer:David Croft

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2. 

   9.0/10(5 votes)

   #2 - A Marriage of Inconvenience

   S5:E610/8/1988

   René's friends rally round to try and save him from his impending marriage to the formidable leader of the Communist Resistance.

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   Writer:David Croft

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3. 

   8.9/10(6 votes)

   #3 - Watch the Birdie

   S5:E910/29/1988

   René and his staff prepare the long-distance duck for its vital flight to England.

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   Writer:David Croft

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4. 

   8.8/10(8 votes)

   #4 - The Sausage in the Wardrobe

   S3:E312/19/1986

   After Maria is sent to Lieutenant Gruber with the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna for copying, she is caught by General Von Klinkerhoffen, who places the sausage in his wardrobe and holds Maria hostage until his motor mower engine is returned by the Resistance. Herr Flick, the Colonel, the Captain and René hear about this and decide to go to the chateau through the secret passage and steal the sausage from under the General's nose, using Helga, Yvette and Lieutenant Gruber as a honey trap.

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   Writer:David Croft

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5. 

   8.8/10(6 votes)

   #5 - The Exploding Bedpan

   S5:E1612/17/1988

   While under interrogation, Alfonse's dicky ticker starts playing up, and he is whisked to hospital. He must be either rescued or eliminated before he can spill the beans about the stolen Gestapo money.

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   Writer:David Croft

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6. 

   8.8/10(6 votes)

   #6 - Flight to Geneva

   S5:E211/21/1989

   René tries to sneak off to Switzerland with Yvette on the night train.

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   Writer:David Croft

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7. 

   8.8/10(6 votes)

   #7 - An Enigma Variation

   S5:E232/4/1989

   Chaos engulfs René as he attempts to hide the stolen gold. Meanwhile, the Resistance plan to steal the Enigma encoder.

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   Writer:David Croft

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8. 

   8.7/10(6 votes)

   #8 - All in Disgeese

   S5:E262/25/1989

   René is still harbouring the German Enigma machine as well as the four bars of gold he has stolen, two British airmen and the painting of the Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by Van Gogh. So the café is now full and getting more crowded by the minute.

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   Writer:David Croft

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9. 

   8.7/10(6 votes)

   #9 - Desperate Doings in the Graveyard

   S6:E19/2/1989

   The latest escape plan for the British airmen involves them wading along the canal underneath a tin bath. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen pose as escaped British airmen, hoping to be picked up by the Resistance. The Resistance have built a communication post in René's 'grave', in an effort to get around German jamming of their radio signals. René, Edith and Monsieur Alphonse try it out. René gets caught on the aerial and is hoisted above his 'grave'. Lieutenant Gruber sees him and thinks it's the ghost of René's 'twin brother'.

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   Writer:David Croft

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10. 

    8.7/10(3 votes)

    #10 - Pilot

    S0:E112/29/1988

    London, 1927: Alf Stokes and his daughter Ivy are given the sack from their jobs on the music halls. Alf decides that he has no option but to go into service as a butler. When he arrives at the residence of Lord Meldrum, some familiar faces await him.

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    Writer:David Croft

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11. 

    8.6/10(8 votes)

    #11 - The Policeman Cometh

    S2:E311/4/1985

    We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escapes being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch in disappointment, the plane does not land, and instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package; the other, Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters". Disguised as a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not. Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag: René can't find anyone to blow up the train.

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    Writer:David Croft

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12. 

    8.5/10(6 votes)

    #12 - The Arrival of the Homing Duck

    S5:E810/22/1988

    René and the Resistance find another novel way to return the British airmen to England.

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    Writer:David Croft

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13. 

    8.5/10(6 votes)

    #13 - René - Under an Assumed Nose

    S5:E1011/5/1988

    Monsieur Leclerc comes to the rescue when orders are given for René to be arrested. René tries to escape using a unique disguise.

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    Writer:David Croft

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14. 

    8.5/10(6 votes)

    #14 - Puddings Can Go Off

    S5:E191/7/1989

    Faced with the problem of hiding 1,000 kilos of stolen high explosive, Michelle of the Resistance decides on a simple but daring course of action. It will be hidden in 500 Christmas puddings.

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    Writer:David Croft

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15. 

    8.5/10(6 votes)

    #15 - The Gestapo for the High Jump

    S6:E29/9/1989

    The Gestapo and the Italians plan to infiltrate the Resistance. Little do they know that René and friends are waiting for them.

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    Writer:David Croft

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16. 

    8.5/10(6 votes)

    #16 - The Crooked Fences

    S6:E610/7/1989

    Café René is the venue for a clandestine deal involving the solid gold cuckoo clock weight, Van Klomp's portrait of the Fallen Madonna and five anonymous characters wearing paper bags over their heads who answer to the names of Colonel X, Lieutenant X, Captain X, Private X and X.

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    Writer:David Croft

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17. 

    8.4/10(8 votes)

    #17 - The Great Un-Escape

    S3:E61/9/1987

    While the Captain is sitting in the café, Herr Flick of the Gestapo is listening when René is talking to London on the wireless. He soon cracks the code of the message as the plan to dig a tunnel from the mortuary to hide the British airmen. But it's soon apparent that the two airmen and Monsieur Alphonse need help with the digging, and the café staff are called in, leaving Madame Fanny and Leclerc in the café. But the Colonel and the Captain follow René, discover the tunnel, and are captured in the prisoner-of-war camp.

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    Writer:David Croft

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18. 

    8.4/10(8 votes)

    #18 - The Execution

    S1:E49/28/1984

    Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!

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    Writer:David Croft

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19. 

    8.4/10(9 votes)

    #19 - Pretty Maids All in a Row

    S3:E51/2/1987

    After the plot to get the two British airmen out failed, a frustrated René returns to the painting of the Fallen Madonna. He hides it behind an ugly painting in his café which is immediately recognised by General Von Klinkerhoffen as a Van Gogh and requisitioned for his office in the chateau. He also requisitions the two new maids in Café René – or as they are better known: the two British airmen in disguise. Realising that the two airmen will be recognised right away, Michelle of the Resistance comes up with another harebrained scheme of digging a tunnel from Monsieur Alphonse's mortuary into the prisoner-of-war camp and smuggling in the two airmen.

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    Writer:David Croft

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20. 

    8.4/10(8 votes)

    #20 - Gruber Does Some Mincing

    S3:E212/12/1986

    The sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, which was taken by Lieutenant Gruber's dog, is minced by the Lieutenant – but fortunately he discovers it first and saves it. At the same time, the missing knockwurst means that Monsieur Alphonse cannot get back the money which he lent to pay the ransom of the stolen sausage. The Resistance pays him back with Monsieur Leclerc's badly forged money. But after everything seems to be getting back to normal, the sausage is sent to Lieutenant Gruber to make another copy. Also, Michelle's latest plan to get the British airmen back is by an old plane with the engine from General Von Klinkerhoffen's motor mower.

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    Writer:David Croft

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21. 

    8.4/10(8 votes)

    #21 - Flight of Fancy

    S3:E412/26/1986

    With René again in the possession of the sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, attention turns to getting the two British airmen out of France. Michelle's newest harebrained scheme of getting the airmen out is a steam engine tour through Nouvion, and will of course require eighty metres of braces, and it's René's job to get them from every Frenchman in Nouvion. Herr Flick and Helga arrive in his staff car to spy on the show.

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    Writer:David Croft

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22. 

    8.4/10(7 votes)

    #22 - The Sausage in the Trousers

    S4:E512/5/1987

    There are still no batteries for the wireless radio underneath the bed of René's mother-in-law, so Michelle's newest harebrained scheme is to have René and Yvette powering it with the generator from a bicycle until the stolen batteries from a German miniature submarine are delivered. The Lieutenant has finished copying the paintings (The Fallen Madonna and the Van Gogh) and delivers them as sausages. Numerous other sausages also arrive: real ones from Captain Bertorelli, submarine batteries from Leclerc, and explosives from Officer Crabtree, and soon they're all mixed up in the German officers' trousers!

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    Writer:David Croft

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23. 

    8.3/10(6 votes)

    #23 - Rising to the Occasion

    S6:E810/21/1989

    Michelle comes up with an audacious escape plan for the British airmen involving a barrage balloon and 24 cylinders of helium disguised as prize-winning marrows.

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    Writer:David Croft

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24. 

    8.3/10(8 votes)

    #24 - Herr Flick's Revenge

    S2:E611/25/1985

    Having ran away from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, René hides. He's rescued by Michelle of the Resistance who smuggles him back into the café dressed as a member of the Resistance, while she explains to Monsieur Alphonse that René is the bravest man in France. But Herr Flick has captured the Colonel and the Captain, and brings in René as well, and threatens to torture them unless they reveal where the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies is hidden. They are rescued by General Von Klinkerhoffen. With life back to normal, there's only the matter of getting the British airmen out. As the General imposes a curfew, Michelle's plan is a funeral for Madame Fanny.

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    Writer:David Croft

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25. 

    8.3/10(6 votes)

    #25 - The Camera in the Potato

    S5:E29/10/1988

    Starting off in women's underwear in the dungeons of the General's castle, René is rescued by Lieutenant Gruber, and comes back just in time to be briefed by Michelle of the Resistance about the camera which will be used to photograph the safe in the château. That night, Helga and the General are supposed to dine at Café René, but Helga is ordered away by Herr Flick, and the General has to endure Edith's "seduction" before he can get away. René can get into the château, but he doesn't know that the safe is in Lieutenant Gruber's room.

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    Writer:David Croft

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