The Best Episodes Written By David Croft

Episode Rankings

1. #1 Fan Favorite
   

   9.0/10(2 votes)

   #1 - The Gâteau from the Château (Christmas Special 1985)

   S0:E212/26/1985

   The airmen's escape is thwarted by Nazi gunfire, and the air balloon crashes into Madame Fanny's bedroom. General Von Klinkerhoffen takes command of Nouvion and orders Colonel Von Strohm to woo Edith in order to infiltrate the Resistance. The Colonel soon delegates the duty to Captain Hans Geering. Herr Flick plots the death of the General by poisoned dart, with Helga assigned to do the fatal deed. The Colonel and the Captain plan to poison the General's wine with a lethal pill, whilst Michelle has Edith make a Black Forest Gateau packed with dynamite.

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   Writer:David Croft

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2. 

   9.0/10(4 votes)

   #2 - A Marriage of Inconvenience

   S5:E610/8/1988

   René's friends rally round to try and save him from his impending marriage to the formidable leader of the Communist Resistance.

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   Writer:David Croft

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3. 

   8.9/10(4 votes)

   #3 - Watch the Birdie

   S5:E910/29/1988

   René and his staff prepare the long-distance duck for its vital flight to England.

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   Writer:David Croft

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4. 

   8.6/10(6 votes)

   #4 - The Sausage in the Wardrobe

   S3:E312/19/1986

   After Maria is sent to Lieutenant Gruber with the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna for copying, she is caught by General Von Klinkerhoffen, who places the sausage in his wardrobe and holds Maria hostage until his motor mower engine is returned by the Resistance. Herr Flick, the Colonel, the Captain and René hear about this and decide to go to the chateau through the secret passage and steal the sausage from under the General's nose, using Helga, Yvette and Lieutenant Gruber as a honey trap.

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   Writer:David Croft

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5. 

   8.6/10(4 votes)

   #5 - An Enigma Variation

   S5:E232/4/1989

   Chaos engulfs René as he attempts to hide the stolen gold. Meanwhile, the Resistance plan to steal the Enigma encoder.

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   Writer:David Croft

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6. 

   8.5/10(5 votes)

   #6 - The Sausage in the Trousers

   S4:E512/5/1987

   There are still no batteries for the wireless radio underneath the bed of René's mother-in-law, so Michelle's newest harebrained scheme is to have René and Yvette powering it with the generator from a bicycle until the stolen batteries from a German miniature submarine are delivered. The Lieutenant has finished copying the paintings (The Fallen Madonna and the Van Gogh) and delivers them as sausages. Numerous other sausages also arrive: real ones from Captain Bertorelli, submarine batteries from Leclerc, and explosives from Officer Crabtree, and soon they're all mixed up in the German officers' trousers!

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   Writer:David Croft

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7. 

   8.5/10(4 votes)

   #7 - René - Under an Assumed Nose

   S5:E1011/5/1988

   Monsieur Leclerc comes to the rescue when orders are given for René to be arrested. René tries to escape using a unique disguise.

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   Writer:David Croft

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8. 

   8.5/10(4 votes)

   #8 - The Exploding Bedpan

   S5:E1612/17/1988

   While under interrogation, Alfonse's dicky ticker starts playing up, and he is whisked to hospital. He must be either rescued or eliminated before he can spill the beans about the stolen Gestapo money.

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   Writer:David Croft

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9. 

   8.5/10(4 votes)

   #9 - Flight to Geneva

   S5:E211/21/1989

   René tries to sneak off to Switzerland with Yvette on the night train.

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   Writer:David Croft

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10. 

    8.5/10(4 votes)

    #10 - All in Disgeese

    S5:E262/25/1989

    René is still harbouring the German Enigma machine as well as the four bars of gold he has stolen, two British airmen and the painting of the Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by Van Gogh. So the café is now full and getting more crowded by the minute.

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    Writer:David Croft

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11. 

    8.5/10(4 votes)

    #11 - The Gestapo for the High Jump

    S6:E29/9/1989

    The Gestapo and the Italians plan to infiltrate the Resistance. Little do they know that René and friends are waiting for them.

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    Writer:David Croft

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12. 

    8.5/10(2 votes)

    #12 - Pilot

    S0:E112/29/1988

    London, 1927: Alf Stokes and his daughter Ivy are given the sack from their jobs on the music halls. Alf decides that he has no option but to go into service as a butler. When he arrives at the residence of Lord Meldrum, some familiar faces await him.

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    Writer:David Croft

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13. 

    8.4/10(6 votes)

    #13 - Herr Flick's Revenge

    S2:E611/25/1985

    Having ran away from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, René hides. He's rescued by Michelle of the Resistance who smuggles him back into the café dressed as a member of the Resistance, while she explains to Monsieur Alphonse that René is the bravest man in France. But Herr Flick has captured the Colonel and the Captain, and brings in René as well, and threatens to torture them unless they reveal where the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies is hidden. They are rescued by General Von Klinkerhoffen. With life back to normal, there's only the matter of getting the British airmen out. As the General imposes a curfew, Michelle's plan is a funeral for Madame Fanny.

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    Writer:David Croft

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14. 

    8.4/10(6 votes)

    #14 - The Execution

    S1:E49/28/1984

    Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!

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    Writer:David Croft

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15. 

    8.3/10(6 votes)

    #15 - The Policeman Cometh

    S2:E311/4/1985

    We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escapes being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch in disappointment, the plane does not land, and instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package; the other, Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters". Disguised as a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not. Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag: René can't find anyone to blow up the train.

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    Writer:David Croft

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16. 

    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #16 - Gruber Does Some Mincing

    S3:E212/12/1986

    The sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, which was taken by Lieutenant Gruber's dog, is minced by the Lieutenant – but fortunately he discovers it first and saves it. At the same time, the missing knockwurst means that Monsieur Alphonse cannot get back the money which he lent to pay the ransom of the stolen sausage. The Resistance pays him back with Monsieur Leclerc's badly forged money. But after everything seems to be getting back to normal, the sausage is sent to Lieutenant Gruber to make another copy. Also, Michelle's latest plan to get the British airmen back is by an old plane with the engine from General Von Klinkerhoffen's motor mower.

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    Writer:David Croft

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17. 

    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #17 - Flight of Fancy

    S3:E412/26/1986

    With René again in the possession of the sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, attention turns to getting the two British airmen out of France. Michelle's newest harebrained scheme of getting the airmen out is a steam engine tour through Nouvion, and will of course require eighty metres of braces, and it's René's job to get them from every Frenchman in Nouvion. Herr Flick and Helga arrive in his staff car to spy on the show.

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    Writer:David Croft

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18. 

    8.2/10(7 votes)

    #18 - Pretty Maids All in a Row

    S3:E51/2/1987

    After the plot to get the two British airmen out failed, a frustrated René returns to the painting of the Fallen Madonna. He hides it behind an ugly painting in his café which is immediately recognised by General Von Klinkerhoffen as a Van Gogh and requisitioned for his office in the chateau. He also requisitions the two new maids in Café René – or as they are better known: the two British airmen in disguise. Realising that the two airmen will be recognised right away, Michelle of the Resistance comes up with another harebrained scheme of digging a tunnel from Monsieur Alphonse's mortuary into the prisoner-of-war camp and smuggling in the two airmen.

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    Writer:David Croft

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19. 

    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #19 - The Great Un-Escape

    S3:E61/9/1987

    While the Captain is sitting in the café, Herr Flick of the Gestapo is listening when René is talking to London on the wireless. He soon cracks the code of the message as the plan to dig a tunnel from the mortuary to hide the British airmen. But it's soon apparent that the two airmen and Monsieur Alphonse need help with the digging, and the café staff are called in, leaving Madame Fanny and Leclerc in the café. But the Colonel and the Captain follow René, discover the tunnel, and are captured in the prisoner-of-war camp.

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    Writer:David Croft

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20. 

    8.2/10(5 votes)

    #20 - Good Staff Are Hard to Find

    S4:E311/21/1987

    Since Maria's disappearance, the café needs another waitress, but René and Edith have somewhat different ideas about who should fill the position, but finally Michelle of the Resistance brings tiny Mimi from another cell to be René's bodyguard. In the meantime, General Von Klinkerhoffen gives the Colonel a new assistant - Italian liaison Captain Bertorelli.

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    Writer:David Croft

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21. 

    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #21 - The British Are Coming (Pilot)

    S0:E112/30/1982

    René Artois, owner of the Café René in the French village of Nouvion, is 'persuaded' by the Resistance to hide two escaping British airmen. René is more interested in having affairs with his two waitresses without his wife finding out. The Germans, who are occupying the village, are busy looting anything valuable.

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    Writer:David Croft

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22. 

    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #22 - Pigeon Post

    S1:E29/14/1984

    After the Colonel's and the Captain's uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they have to send for replacements. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which Madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.

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    Writer:David Croft

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23. 

    8.2/10(5 votes)

    #23 - The Jet-Propelled Mother-in-Law

    S4:E612/12/1987

    The Germans arrest René, and the Colonel demands an explanation for the knockwursts with explosives in them. After a small lie, René is sent home with around a dozen knockwursts to hang in his kitchen. Meanwhile, the British have sent a spy camera with which the Resistance should be able to photograph the plans for the German invasion of Great Britain, but the camera landed in the vineyard of Monsieur Alphonse, and since the Germans commandeered the vineyard, the Resistance cannot go and look for the camera. This problem is solved when the General orders every peasant in Nouvion to work on the vineyard, which also leaves room for some assassination attempts on the General's life.

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    Writer:David Croft

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24. 

    8.2/10(4 votes)

    #24 - Desperate Doings in the Dungeon

    S5:E19/3/1988

    Herr Flick is still held in the dungeons, and if he cracks he can divulge that the painting of the Fallen Madonna has been copied. That´s why he must be rescued by Helga, Von Smallhausen, and René - dressed as Himmler. The Colonel and the Lieutenant are ordered by the General to let Herr Flick die in a rescue attempt by the Resistance, but seeing the danger of getting caught in a crossfire, they dress up as Gestapo officers to rescue Herr Flick, only to find René chained up instead.

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    Writer:David Croft

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25. 

    8.2/10(4 votes)

    #25 - The Dreaded Circular Saw

    S5:E49/24/1988

    Having blown the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom, René and Leclerc are surprised by its contents. The Communist Resistance lies in wait for their escape, and holds them hostage in a sawmill.

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    Writer:David Croft

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