The Best Episodes Written By David Croft

René's friends rally round to try and save him from his impending marriage to the formidable leader of the Communist Resistance.

René and his staff prepare the long-distance duck for its vital flight to England.

Monsieur Leclerc comes to the rescue when orders are given for René to be arrested. René tries to escape using a unique disguise.

After Maria is sent to Lieutenant Gruber with the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna for copying, she is caught by General von Klinckerhofen, who places the sausage in his wardrobe and helds Maria hostage until his lawn mover engine is returned by the Resistance. Herr Flick, the Colonel and the Captain, and René hears about this and decides to go to the chateau through the secret passages and steal the sausage from under the General's nose, using Helga, Yvette and Lieutenant Gruber as erotical bait.

After the Colonel's and the Captain's uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they will have to send for replacement uniforms. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.

Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!

We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escape being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch disappointedly, the plane does not land, and instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package. The other yields Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters". Disguised as a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not. Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag: René can't find anyone to blow up the train.

After René ran away from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, he hides. He's rescued by Michelle from the Resistance who smuggles him back into the café dressed as a member of the Resistance, while she explains to Monsieur Alphonse that René is the bravest man in France. But Herr Flick has captured the Colonel and the Captain, and brings in René as well, and torture them unless they reveal where the painting of "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies" is hidden. They are rescued by General von Klinkerhoffen. With life back to normal, there's only a matter of getting the British airmen out. As the General imposes a curfew, Michelle's plan is a funeral for Madame Fanny.

The sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, which was taken by Lieutenant Gruber's dog, is minced by the Lieutenant – but fortunately he discovers it first and saves it. At the same time, the missing knockwurst means that Monsieur Alphonse cannot get back the money which he leant to pay the ransom of the kidnapped sausage. The Resistance pays him back with Monsieur Leclerc's badly forged money. But after everything seems to be getting back to normal, the sausage is sent to Lieutenant Gruber to make another copy. Also, Michelle's latest plan to get the British airmen back is by an old plane with the motor from general von Klinkerhoffen's lawn mower.

With René again in the possession of the sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, the attention turns to getting the two British airmen out of France. Michelle proposes a steam engine tour through Nouvion. Michelle's newest hairbrained scheme of getting the airmen out will of course need 80 meters of suspenders, and it's René's job to get them from every Frenchman in Nouvion. Herr Flick and Helga arrive in his staff car to spy on the show.

After the plot to get the two British airmen out failed, a frustrated René returns to the painting of the Fallen Madonna. He hides it behind an ugly painting in his café which is immediately recognized by General von Klinkerhoffen as a Van Gogh and requisitioned for his office in the chateau. He also requistions the two new maids in Café René – or as they are better known: the two British airmen in disguise. Realizing that the two airmen will be recognized right away, Michelle of the Resistance comes up with another hairbrained scheme of digging a tunnel from Monsieur Alphonse's morgue into the prisoner of war camp and smuggling in the two airmen into the camp.

Since Maria's disappearance, the café needs another waitress, but René and Edith has somewhat different ideas about who should fill the position, but finally Michelle from the Resistance brings tiny Mimi from another cell, to be René's bodyguard. In the meantime, General von Klinkerhoffen gives the Colonel a new assistant, Italian liaison Bertorelli.

There is still no batteries for the wireless radio underneath the bed of René's mother in law, so Michelle's newest hairbrained scheme is to have René and Yvette powering the radio with the generator from a bicycle until the stolen batteries from a German midget submarine are delivered. The Lieutenant is finished copying the paintings (The Fallen Madonna and the Van Gogh), and delivers them as sausages. Sausages also comes from Captain Bertorelli (real ones), Monsieur Leclerc (submarine batteries), and Officer Crabtree (explosives), and soon they're all mixed up in the German officers pants.

The Germans arrest René, and the Colonel demands an explanation for the knockwursts with explosives in them. After a small lie, René is sent home with around a dozen knockwursts to hang in his kitchen. Meanwhile, the British have sent a spy camera with which the Resistance should be able to photograph the plans for the German invasion of Great Britain, but the camera landed in the vineyard of Monsieur Alphonse's, and since the Germans commandeered the vineyard, the Resistance cannot go and look for the camera. This problem is solved when the General orders every peasant in Nouvion to work on the vineyard, which also leaves room for some assassination attempts on the General's life.

René is forced to masquerade as the head of the Gestapo, Heinrich Himmler himself, in an attempt to rescue Frau Von Kinkenrotten from prison. Of course, this is actually Herr Flick, still in his earlier disguise.

Armed with a camera disguised as a potato, René has to get into the chateau so he can photograph plans for the German invasion of Britain.

Leclerc and René plan to blow the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom. Edith's job is to drop a smoke canister down his chimney, but will she get the right one?

Having blown the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom, René and Leclerc are surprised by its contents. The Communist Resistance lies in wait for their escape, and holds them hostage in a sawmill.

Denise, the head of the Communist Resistance, who was René's sweetheart in his childhood in Nancy, and who's now determined to marry René. Meanwhile, Edith and the servant girls have to explain to the Lieutenant why his little tank has crashed into the public toilet, and ends up getting Gruber's compassion. René has a difficult time telling Edith that he will marry Denise, since Monsieur Alphonse has asked for Edith's hand, and Yvette has it in her heart to tell Edith that René will marry her instead.

René and the Resistance find another novel way to return the British airmen to England.

René is in even more trouble as the generals gather round at the chateau.

A medal for bravery, a suicide pill and a hide-out in the Vatican introduce an old habit to René.

René and the Resistance need to find a huge amount of money quickly to save Mimi from the Communists.

When it is revealed that the one million francs stolen from the bank belong to Herr Flick of the Gestapo, the best place to hide them seems to be down René's trousers.

René has got rid of the Gestapo's money, next is the secret microfilm, but he is hampered by the Resistance girls in the cupboard.