9.0/101 votes#1 - A Marriage of Inconvenience
Season 5 Episode 6 - Aired 10/8/1988
René's friends rally round to try and save him from his impending marriage to the formidable leader of the Communist Resistance.
Director: Martin Dennis
Writer: David Croft
9.0/101 votes#2 - Watch the Birdie
Season 5 Episode 9 - Aired 10/29/1988
René and his staff prepare the long-distance duck for its vital flight to England.
Director: Susan Belbin
Writer: David Croft
9.0/101 votes#3 - René - Under an Assumed Nose
Season 5 Episode 10 - Aired 11/5/1988
Monsieur Leclerc comes to the rescue when orders are given for René to be arrested. René tries to escape using a unique disguise.
Director: Susan Belbin
Writer: David Croft
8.5/102 votes#4 - Pigeon Post
Season 1 Episode 2 - Aired 9/14/1984
After the Colonel's and the Captain's uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they will have to send for replacement uniforms. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.5/102 votes#5 - Herr Flick's Revenge
Season 2 Episode 6 - Aired 11/25/1985
After René ran away from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, he hides. He's rescued by Michelle from the Resistance who smuggles him back into the café dressed as a member of the Resistance, while she explains to Monsieur Alphonse that René is the bravest man in France. But Herr Flick has captured the Colonel and the Captain, and brings in René as well, and torture them unless they reveal where the painting of "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies" is hidden. They are rescued by General von Klinkerhoffen. With life back to normal, there's only a matter of getting the British airmen out. As the General imposes a curfew, Michelle's plan is a funeral for Madame Fanny.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.5/102 votes#6 - Gruber Does Some Mincing
Season 3 Episode 2 - Aired 12/12/1986
The sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, which was taken by Lieutenant Gruber's dog, is minced by the Lieutenant – but fortunately he discovers it first and saves it. At the same time, the missing knockwurst means that Monsieur Alphonse cannot get back the money which he leant to pay the ransom of the kidnapped sausage. The Resistance pays him back with Monsieur Leclerc's badly forged money. But after everything seems to be getting back to normal, the sausage is sent to Lieutenant Gruber to make another copy. Also, Michelle's latest plan to get the British airmen back is by an old plane with the motor from general von Klinkerhoffen's lawn mower.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.5/102 votes#7 - The Sausage in the Wardrobe
Season 3 Episode 3 - Aired 12/19/1986
After Maria is sent to Lieutenant Gruber with the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna for copying, she is caught by General von Klinckerhofen, who places the sausage in his wardrobe and helds Maria hostage until his lawn mover engine is returned by the Resistance. Herr Flick, the Colonel and the Captain, and René hears about this and decides to go to the chateau through the secret passages and steal the sausage from under the General's nose, using Helga, Yvette and Lieutenant Gruber as erotical bait.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.3/103 votes#8 - Pretty Maids All in a Row
Season 3 Episode 5 - Aired 1/2/1987
After the plot to get the two British airmen out failed, a frustrated René returns to the painting of the Fallen Madonna. He hides it behind an ugly painting in his café which is immediately recognized by General von Klinkerhoffen as a Van Gogh and requisitioned for his office in the chateau. He also requistions the two new maids in Café René – or as they are better known: the two British airmen in disguise. Realizing that the two airmen will be recognized right away, Michelle of the Resistance comes up with another hairbrained scheme of digging a tunnel from Monsieur Alphonse's morgue into the prisoner of war camp and smuggling in the two airmen into the camp.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#9 - The Execution
Season 1 Episode 4 - Aired 9/28/1984
Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#10 - Red Nick's Colonel
Season 1 Episode 6 - Aired 10/19/1984
The Communist Resistance wants to make a martyr out of the dead René, and kidnaps the Colonel and the Captain at the Captain's birthday party. To make matters worse, they offer them on a platter to René's twin brother René, so that he can shoot them.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#11 - The Policeman Cometh
Season 2 Episode 3 - Aired 11/4/1985
We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escape being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch disappointedly, the plane does not land, and instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package. The other yields Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters". Disguised as a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not. Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag: René can't find anyone to blow up the train.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#12 - Swiftly and With Style
Season 2 Episode 4 - Aired 11/11/1985
After failing to destroying the train, which will take the copy of the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies to Hitler, René and the Captain are captured by the Resistance, only to be rescued by Herr Flick. The Colonel and the Captain are afraid that Hitler will understand that the painting is a copy, and prepare to escape to Switzerland. In the meantime, British agent in disguise, officer Crabtree, has a new escape plan for the British airmen.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#13 - Flight of Fancy
Season 3 Episode 4 - Aired 12/26/1986
With René again in the possession of the sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, the attention turns to getting the two British airmen out of France. Michelle proposes a steam engine tour through Nouvion. Michelle's newest hairbrained scheme of getting the airmen out will of course need 80 meters of suspenders, and it's René's job to get them from every Frenchman in Nouvion. Herr Flick and Helga arrive in his staff car to spy on the show.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#14 - The Great Un-Escape
Season 3 Episode 6 - Aired 1/9/1987
While the Captain is sitting in the café, herr Flick from the Gestapo is listening when René is talking to London on the wireless. He soon cracks the code surrounding the message with the plan to dig a tunnel from the mortuary to hide the British airmen. But it's soon apparent that the two airmen and Monsieur Alphonse need help with the digging, and the café staff are called in, leaving Madame Fanny and Leclerc in the café. But the Colonel and the Captain follow René, discover the tunnel, and are captured in the prisoner of war camp.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#15 - Good Staff Are Hard to Find
Season 4 Episode 3 - Aired 11/21/1987
Since Maria's disappearance, the café needs another waitress, but René and Edith has somewhat different ideas about who should fill the position, but finally Michelle from the Resistance brings tiny Mimi from another cell, to be René's bodyguard. In the meantime, General von Klinkerhoffen gives the Colonel a new assistant, Italian liaison Bertorelli.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#16 - The Sausage in the Trousers
Season 4 Episode 5 - Aired 12/5/1987
There is still no batteries for the wireless radio underneath the bed of René's mother in law, so Michelle's newest hairbrained scheme is to have René and Yvette powering the radio with the generator from a bicycle until the stolen batteries from a German midget submarine are delivered. The Lieutenant is finished copying the paintings (The Fallen Madonna and the Van Gogh), and delivers them as sausages. Sausages also comes from Captain Bertorelli (real ones), Monsieur Leclerc (submarine batteries), and Officer Crabtree (explosives), and soon they're all mixed up in the German officers pants.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/102 votes#17 - The Jet-Propelled Mother-in-Law
Season 4 Episode 6 - Aired 12/12/1987
The Germans arrest René, and the Colonel demands an explanation for the knockwursts with explosives in them. After a small lie, René is sent home with around a dozen knockwursts to hang in his kitchen. Meanwhile, the British have sent a spy camera with which the Resistance should be able to photograph the plans for the German invasion of Great Britain, but the camera landed in the vineyard of Monsieur Alphonse's, and since the Germans commandeered the vineyard, the Resistance cannot go and look for the camera. This problem is solved when the General orders every peasant in Nouvion to work on the vineyard, which also leaves room for some assassination attempts on the General's life.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#18 - Desperate Doings in the Dungeon
Season 5 Episode 1 - Aired 9/3/1988
René is forced to masquerade as the head of the Gestapo, Heinrich Himmler himself, in an attempt to rescue Frau Von Kinkenrotten from prison. Of course, this is actually Herr Flick, still in his earlier disguise.
Director: David Croft
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#19 - The Camera in the Potato
Season 5 Episode 2 - Aired 9/10/1988
Armed with a camera disguised as a potato, René has to get into the chateau so he can photograph plans for the German invasion of Britain.
Director: Martin Dennis
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#20 - Dinner with the General
Season 5 Episode 3 - Aired 9/17/1988
Leclerc and René plan to blow the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom. Edith's job is to drop a smoke canister down his chimney, but will she get the right one?
Director: Martin Dennis
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#21 - The Dreaded Circular Saw
Season 5 Episode 4 - Aired 9/24/1988
Having blown the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom, René and Leclerc are surprised by its contents. The Communist Resistance lies in wait for their escape, and holds them hostage in a sawmill.
Director: Martin Dennis
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#22 - Otherwise Engaged
Season 5 Episode 5 - Aired 10/1/1988
Denise, the head of the Communist Resistance, who was René's sweetheart in his childhood in Nancy, and who's now determined to marry René. Meanwhile, Edith and the servant girls have to explain to the Lieutenant why his little tank has crashed into the public toilet, and ends up getting Gruber's compassion. René has a difficult time telling Edith that he will marry Denise, since Monsieur Alphonse has asked for Edith's hand, and Yvette has it in her heart to tell Edith that René will marry her instead.
Director: Martin Dennis
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#23 - The Arrival of the Homing Duck
Season 5 Episode 8 - Aired 10/22/1988
René and the Resistance find another novel way to return the British airmen to England.
Director: Susan Belbin
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#24 - The Confusion of the Generals
Season 5 Episode 11 - Aired 11/12/1988
René is in even more trouble as the generals gather round at the chateau.
Director: Susan Belbin
Writer: David Croft
8.0/101 votes#25 - Who's for the Vatican?
Season 5 Episode 12 - Aired 11/19/1988
A medal for bravery, a suicide pill and a hide-out in the Vatican introduce an old habit to René.
Director: Susan Belbin
Writer: David Croft
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David Croft Ratings Summary
"A Marriage of Inconvenience" is the best rated episode written by David Croft. It scored 9/10 based on 1 votes. It was directed by Martin Dennis. It aired on 10/8/1988 and is rated 0.0 points higher than their second-best episode, "Watch the Birdie".