The Best Episodes Written By David Croft

Every TV Episode Written by David Croft Ranked from Best to Worst by Thousands of Voters

  1. Background image for A Marriage of Inconvenience
    9.0/10(4 votes)

    #1 - A Marriage of Inconvenience

    S5:E6

    René's friends rally round to try and save him from his impending marriage to the formidable leader of the Communist Resistance.

    Director:Martin Dennis
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  2. Background image for Watch the Birdie
    8.9/10(4 votes)

    #2 - Watch the Birdie

    S5:E9

    René and his staff prepare the long-distance duck for its vital flight to England.

    Director:Susan Belbin
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  3. Background image for An Enigma Variation
    8.6/10(4 votes)

    #3 - An Enigma Variation

    S5:E23

    Chaos engulfs René as he attempts to hide the stolen gold. Meanwhile, the Resistance plan to steal the Enigma encoder.

    Director:Richard Boden
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  4. Background image for The Sausage in the Wardrobe
    8.6/10(6 votes)

    #4 - The Sausage in the Wardrobe

    S3:E3

    After Maria is sent to Lieutenant Gruber with the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna for copying, she is caught by General Von Klinkerhoffen, who places the sausage in his wardrobe and holds Maria hostage until his motor mower engine is returned by the Resistance. Herr Flick, the Colonel, the Captain and René hear about this and decide to go to the chateau through the secret passage and steal the sausage from under the General's nose, using Helga, Yvette and Lieutenant Gruber as a honey trap.

    Director:David Croft
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  5. Background image for The Sausage in the Trousers
    8.5/10(5 votes)

    #5 - The Sausage in the Trousers

    S4:E5

    There is still no batteries for the wireless radio underneath the bed of René's mother in law, so Michelle's newest hairbrained scheme is to have René and Yvette powering the radio with the generator from a bicycle until the stolen batteries from a German midget submarine are delivered. The Lieutenant is finished copying the paintings (The Fallen Madonna and the Van Gogh), and delivers them as sausages. Sausages also comes from Captain Bertorelli (real ones), Monsieur Leclerc (submarine batteries), and Officer Crabtree (explosives), and soon they're all mixed up in the German officers pants.

    Director:David Croft
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  6. Background image for René - Under an Assumed Nose
    8.5/10(4 votes)

    #6 - René - Under an Assumed Nose

    S5:E10

    Monsieur Leclerc comes to the rescue when orders are given for René to be arrested. René tries to escape using a unique disguise.

    Director:Susan Belbin
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  7. Background image for The Exploding Bedpan
    8.5/10(4 votes)

    #7 - The Exploding Bedpan

    S5:E16

    While under interrogation, Alfonse's dicky ticker starts playing up, and he is whisked to hospital. He must be either rescued or eliminated before he can spill the beans about the stolen Gestapo money.

    Director:Martin Dennis
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  8. Background image for Flight to Geneva
    8.5/10(4 votes)

    #8 - Flight to Geneva

    S5:E21

    René tries to sneak off to Switzerland with Yvette on the night train.

    Director:Richard Boden
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  9. Background image for All in Disgeese
    8.5/10(4 votes)

    #9 - All in Disgeese

    S5:E26

    René is still harbouring the German Enigma machine as well as the four bars of gold he has stolen, two British airmen and the painting of the Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by Van Gogh. So the café is now full and getting more crowded by the minute.

    Director:Richard Boden
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  10. Background image for The Gestapo for the High Jump
    8.5/10(4 votes)

    #10 - The Gestapo for the High Jump

    S6:E2

    The Gestapo and the Italians plan to infiltrate the Resistance. Little do they know that René and friends are waiting for them.

    Director:David Croft
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  11. Background image for The Execution
    8.4/10(6 votes)

    #11 - The Execution

    S1:E4

    Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!

    Director:David Croft
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  12. Background image for Herr Flick's Revenge
    8.4/10(6 votes)

    #12 - Herr Flick's Revenge

    S2:E6

    Having ran away from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, René hides. He's rescued by Michelle of the Resistance who smuggles him back into the café dressed as a member of the Resistance, while she explains to Monsieur Alphonse that René is the bravest man in France. But Herr Flick has captured the Colonel and the Captain, and brings in René as well, and threatens to torture them unless they reveal where the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies is hidden. They are rescued by General Von Klinkerhoffen. With life back to normal, there's only the matter of getting the British airmen out. As the General imposes a curfew, Michelle's plan is a funeral for Madame Fanny.

    Director:David Croft
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  13. Background image for The Policeman Cometh
    8.3/10(6 votes)

    #13 - The Policeman Cometh

    S2:E3

    We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escapes being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch in disappointment, the plane does not land, and instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package; the other, Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters". Disguised as a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not. Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag: René can't find anyone to blow up the train.

    Director:David Croft
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  14. Background image for Desperate Doings in the Dungeon
    8.3/10(4 votes)

    #14 - Desperate Doings in the Dungeon

    S5:E1

    René is forced to masquerade as the head of the Gestapo, Heinrich Himmler himself, in an attempt to rescue Frau Von Kinkenrotten from prison. Of course, this is actually Herr Flick, still in his earlier disguise.

    Director:David Croft
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  15. Background image for The Dreaded Circular Saw
    8.3/10(4 votes)

    #15 - The Dreaded Circular Saw

    S5:E4

    Having blown the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom, René and Leclerc are surprised by its contents. The Communist Resistance lies in wait for their escape, and holds them hostage in a sawmill.

    Director:Martin Dennis
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  16. Background image for Desperate Doings in the Graveyard
    8.3/10(4 votes)

    #16 - Desperate Doings in the Graveyard

    S6:E1

    The latest escape plan for the British airmen involves them wading along the canal underneath a tin bath. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen pose as escaped British airmen, hoping to be picked up by the Resistance. The Resistance have built a communication post in René's 'grave', in an effort to get around German jamming of their radio signals. René, Edith and Monsieur Alphonse try it out. René gets caught on the aerial and is hoisted above his 'grave'. Lieutenant Gruber sees him and thinks it's the ghost of René's 'twin brother'.

    Director:David Croft
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  17. Background image for The Airmen De-Nicked
    8.3/10(4 votes)

    #17 - The Airmen De-Nicked

    S6:E5

    Michelle of the Resistance plans to infiltrate German headquarters to rescue the British airmen using hijacked German uniforms. But who will fit them? Officer Crabtree thinks René's chances are 'farty to one'.

    Director:Martin Dennis
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  18. Background image for The Crooked Fences
    8.3/10(4 votes)

    #18 - The Crooked Fences

    S6:E6

    Café René is the venue for a clandestine deal involving the solid gold cuckoo clock weight, Van Klomp's portrait of the Fallen Madonna and five anonymous characters wearing paper bags over their heads who answer to the names of Colonel X, Lieutenant X, Captain X, Private X and X.

    Director:Martin Dennis
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  19. Background image for Rising to the Occasion
    8.3/10(4 votes)

    #19 - Rising to the Occasion

    S6:E8

    Michelle comes up with an audacious escape plan for the British airmen involving a barrage balloon and 24 cylinders of helium disguised as prize-winning marrows.

    Director:Martin Dennis
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  20. Background image for Pigeon Post
    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #20 - Pigeon Post

    S1:E2

    After the Colonel's and the Captain's uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they have to send for replacements. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which Madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.

    Director:David Croft
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  21. Background image for Gruber Does Some Mincing
    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #21 - Gruber Does Some Mincing

    S3:E2

    The sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, which was taken by Lieutenant Gruber's dog, is minced by the Lieutenant – but fortunately he discovers it first and saves it. At the same time, the missing knockwurst means that Monsieur Alphonse cannot get back the money which he lent to pay the ransom of the stolen sausage. The Resistance pays him back with Monsieur Leclerc's badly forged money. But after everything seems to be getting back to normal, the sausage is sent to Lieutenant Gruber to make another copy. Also, Michelle's latest plan to get the British airmen back is by an old plane with the engine from General Von Klinkerhoffen's motor mower.

    Director:David Croft
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  22. Background image for Flight of Fancy
    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #22 - Flight of Fancy

    S3:E4

    With René again in the possession of the sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, attention turns to getting the two British airmen out of France. Michelle's newest harebrained scheme of getting the airmen out is a steam engine tour through Nouvion, and will of course require eighty metres of braces, and it's René's job to get them from every Frenchman in Nouvion. Herr Flick and Helga arrive in his staff car to spy on the show.

    Director:David Croft
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  23. Background image for Pretty Maids All in a Row
    8.2/10(7 votes)

    #23 - Pretty Maids All in a Row

    S3:E5

    After the plot to get the two British airmen out failed, a frustrated René returns to the painting of the Fallen Madonna. He hides it behind an ugly painting in his café which is immediately recognised by General Von Klinkerhoffen as a Van Gogh and requisitioned for his office in the chateau. He also requisitions the two new maids in Café René – or as they are better known: the two British airmen in disguise. Realising that the two airmen will be recognised right away, Michelle of the Resistance comes up with another harebrained scheme of digging a tunnel from Monsieur Alphonse's mortuary into the prisoner-of-war camp and smuggling the two airmen into the camp.

    Director:David Croft
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  24. Background image for The Great Un-Escape
    8.2/10(6 votes)

    #24 - The Great Un-Escape

    S3:E6

    While the Captain is sitting in the café, Herr Flick of the Gestapo is listening when René is talking to London on the wireless. He soon cracks the code of the message as the plan to dig a tunnel from the mortuary to hide the British airmen. But it's soon apparent that the two airmen and Monsieur Alphonse need help with the digging, and the café staff are called in, leaving Madame Fanny and Leclerc in the café. But the Colonel and the Captain follow René, discover the tunnel, and are captured in the prisoner-of-war camp.

    Director:David Croft
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  25. Background image for Good Staff Are Hard to Find
    8.2/10(5 votes)

    #25 - Good Staff Are Hard to Find

    S4:E3

    Since Maria's disappearance, the café needs another waitress, but René and Edith has somewhat different ideas about who should fill the position, but finally Michelle from the Resistance brings tiny Mimi from another cell, to be René's bodyguard. In the meantime, General von Klinkerhoffen gives the Colonel a new assistant, Italian liaison Bertorelli.

    Director:David Croft
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David Croft Ratings Summary

"A Marriage of Inconvenience" is the best rated episode written by David Croft. It scored 9/10 based on 4 votes. It was directed by Martin Dennis. It aired on 10/8/1988 and is rated 0.1 points higher than their second-best episode, "Watch the Birdie".