The Best Episodes Written By Michael Glouberman

Ted discovers Veridian has a problem when their new motion detection system proves unable to recognize black people.

Malcolm struggles with his speech when he's elected valedictorian of his graduating class at school. However, Lois refuses to listen to any of his complaints and reveals that she wants him to become President of the United States. Meanwhile, Reese does everything he can to get a permanent job as a high school janitor, which includes creating the most disgusting mess ever. In the meantime, Hal has problems with Malcolm's Harvard tuition, while Francis finally gets a real 9-5 job that he actually enjoys. Also returning for the family celebrations is Grandma Ida, as they all say goodbye to Malcolm when he leaves for college.

Wilfred reveals an extraordinary ability when Ryan takes him to a hospice to volunteer.

Highway horror: Reese gets a learner's permit, which he promptly proceeds to abuse by commandeering a driving-school vehicle.

Reese meets a cute vegetarian named Carrie when he goes back to work at the meat plant. At first, he goes along with her political talk, but she catches him with a pork chop. So, to get Carrie back, he sets free all the cows at the meat plant. Malcolm, meanwhile, tries to fool Lois in order to attend a rock concert.

When Dick's evasive about his past, Dr. Albright suspects he's a '60s radical fugitive. Harry joins a CD-of-the-month club, and is swamped with CDs.

Homecoming's upcoming, but Dick can't seem to understand football's appeal. Tommy has a crush on his Glee Club teacher. Sally makes Nina her best friend. Harry gets a job as a security officer.

While Dick cracks North Rutherford society (to Albright's chagrin), Tommy hangs out with school toughs. Meanwhile, "Mustang Sally" develops an interest in wrestling.

Dick is all ready to dump Jennifer and try to win back Mary's heart, but then discovers that his relationship with Jennifer has made her jealous. Wanting the old Mary back, who had time for him over her job, he attempts to capitalize on her jealousy by making his romantic interludes with Jennifer very obvious. Officer Don introduces Sally to bowling, but becomes exasperated when she refuses to play by the rules, and so invites Harry and Tommy behind her back.

When Harry's boss Doug starts deducting income tax from Harry's paycheck, the Solomons realize that they have never filed a tax return and that they owe $9500 to the government. To combat this, they invent the 'brilliant' notion of lying on their tax return and Dick reworks the sums so that the government owes them several hundred thousand dollars. Sally attempts to help by setting up a failed home hairdressing business, but when women start arriving for haircuts, Harry and Tommy 'camp up' and take to the 'salon' to help. Lying doesn't work, however, and the Solomons are faced with an audit - and the threat of being exposed as aliens.

Dick is suffering the humiliation of having been demoted from High Commander to Harry's assistant, performing the most menial jobs, while Sally has been promoted to his old role. Tommy is preparing for his high school prom with Alissa, but when the Big Giant Head insists on coming, things start to slide, especially when Vicki, who missed out on her own high school prom, turns up. After ruining the prom for Tommy and Alissa, the Big Giant Head whisks Vicki off to his bachelor pod in space.

Mike brings home a stray puppy for the weekend but Molly has difficulty warming up to it.

Malcolm discovers a man, Norm, living in the Lucky Aide. He agrees to keep Norm's secret as long as he provides Malcolm with tidbits on his new crush, a fellow Lucky Aide employee. Meanwhile, when Reese takes a job as an exterminator, he quickly learns that to drum up business he must infest the neighbors' lawns, and chooses caterpillars as his weapon. But instead of spreading the caterpillars, he has a change of heart and begins to nurture them, ultimately leading to his own menagerie of butterflies.

The family attends the counterculture Burning Man festival in the desert.

Malcolm receives a check for $10,000. After Hal and Lois find out, they decide to keep the money and spend it on something for themselves. However, when Dewey overhears this, he wants to get in on it, too. Now, they'll have to find a way to pay Malcolm back.

Carl convinces Mike to go with him to see his psychic and Peggy drags Molly to her church to pray for something they’ve all been waiting for,

The whole family attends a Krelboyne family picnic, and Malcolm dreads his performance in the event's Academic Circus will make him look like a freak. Disasters abound as stage acts bomb, families feud, and Malcolm's dad serves meat to vegetarians.

Leonard, a cynical, genius chess player with no friends or job, makes Malcolm think he could grow into a similar adulthood. Determined to prevent this undesirable fate, Malcolm tries to help Leonard change his life by lining him up for a job interview with the obnoxious Craig. Meanwhile, Francis finds employ as a nude model and begins to delight in the exposure.

Lois thinks Jamie is out to get her when Jamie knocks over a shelf and nearly crushes her.

Grandma Ida is even nastier than usual (if that's possible) because of a tumble down the front steps that resulted in a broken collarbone, prompting her to sue her daughter and son-in-law for pain and suffering. And there's more momentous news on the home front: Lois is pregnant.

The Solomons' faith in human nature is shaken when they fall victim to crime (“This planet is in a bad neighborhood,” sighs Sally). Meanwhile, Dick makes Tommy join the school basketball team.

Dick's romance with Mary is out in the open---and she doesn't like it. Meanwhile, Sally wants to be a cop.

Dick compensates for the loss of Mary's affections with a gain in another area: he puts on weight. Meanwhile, Tommy thinks August is cheating on him.

Albright derides the Solomons as "weird," so Dick decides to make them "average."

Peggy makes Molly do chores in exchange for sharing tantalizing stories from her past for Molly’s second book.