The Best Episodes Written By Paul Corrigan

he adults are Vegas-bound when Jay hooks them up with Excelsior Level hotel accommodations courtesy of one of his big clients, but after learning there’s an even higher level, Jay becomes obsessed with upgrading. Meanwhile, everyone’s sneaking around when Claire secretly hits the tables to win back money she lost years ago, Phil goes underground auditioning for a secret society of magicians, Cam ducks out of a spa day with Mitch to join their friend’s bachelor party shenanigans, and Gloria is determined to hide a female version of dog butler Barkley from Jay.

As the end of the school year approaches, Ted plots to help John lose his virginity after John learns he is the last virgin in school.

The entire family discovers saying goodbye is much harder than it seems.

Phil takes Jay on an unconventional fishing trip; Gloria wonders how to break the news about her pregnancy; Dylan temporarily moves in with the Dunphys; Cam and Mich think about adopting a cat.

Jay could not be more excited to do nothing but indulge and relax in this tropical paradise, but then an unexpected reality check dampens his plans. Meanwhile, Phil is determined to make this trip romantic for Claire, Mitchell and Cameron have opposing views on whether to sightsee or not to sightsee, and the kids get into a little bit of mischief when left to their own devices.

In an effort to be less negative, Claire is rebranding herself as the girl who says “yes” and inadvertently approves of Luke’s new relationship with someone from his work. Meanwhile, Phil tries to surprise Alex at school right before she receives an award she didn’t tell him about.

In one last family trip, the Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker clan heads to Paris so Jay can accept a lifetime achievement award for his work in the closet industry. However, his old nemesis, Earl Chambers, finds a way to haunt him. Meanwhile, Claire has a secret rendezvous in one of the most romantic cities in the world, and Cam’s lifelong dream of performing as Fizbo on the streets of Paris is about to become a reality.

While vacationing on Lost Creek Ranch, the three families try their hands at a little cattle herding, skeet shooting and horseback riding. There are also some big firsts, a huge surprise and an actual face-off between Jay and a cowboy named Hank.

Ted and John's plan to exact revenge on the school bully inadvertently puts them in a parental role. Matty agrees to get a colonoscopy… on one condition.

Cameron is overzealous in his planning of the spring musical performance at Luke and Manny's school. Jay's brother visits while Phil convinces the family to be in his new TV ad.

When the lead in the school's production of "Phantom of the Opera" gets sick, Manny is willing to do anything to land the lead; Phil and Jay wind up in a golf-off with Mitch and Pepper; Gloria and Alex visit a psychic.

Jay takes Manny out to cut down their own Christmas tree, and Gloria is on edge with mom in town, but changes her tune when she sees her bonding with Claire. Elsewhere, Mitchell is forced to do last minute shopping when they didn’t get Lily the right gift, and Cameron takes Lily to a charity event where they experience the true meaning of Chritmas.

Claire is caught off guard when Phil's father shows up in an RV with a little four legged friend, and she becomes suspicious that he might be hiding a larger reason for the visit. Meanwhile, when Cameron hears Dylan is down a drummer in his band, he enthusiastically offers to fill in, and Jay and Gloria have to pay the consequences of accidentally taking Manny to see a traumatizing horror movie.

The Dunphys try to persuade the perfect couple to move in next door, Manny dates the daughter of Jay's biggest nemesis, and Mitchell and Cameron try to get Lily a new teacher.

Jay wants to go fishing on his birthday, but the family insists he have a big party, leading Claire and Mitchell to get trapped in their childhood yard, Phil to encounter his college nemesis at the mall and Cameron to have trouble at the bakery.

Mitchell takes a job with a rival of Jay's; Luke and Manny visit Alex but use the opportunity to meet girls; Gloria is upset when a cheerleader doesn't decorate Manny's locker; Phil and Claire try to play chicken when Dylan moves in.

Haley is determined to follow the advice in her parenting books with the twins, but Phil and Claire think their old methods are better. Meanwhile, Manny is set to direct Jay’s dog bed commercial in the hopes of winning his ex-girlfriend back.

It's the first day back at school for the kids and, at the Dunphy house, Phil oversteps when he misreads how Claire is coping with an empty nest. Over at Jay's, he and Gloria are in disagreement over Manny's interesting choice of outfit for his first day of class, and Mitchell and Cameron freak out after Lily gets her first bump on the head.

Phil is jazzed to share the wonders of residential real estate with Luke and Manny’s classmates for career day. Gloria challenges Jay’s claims of always wanting to become a novelist. Mitch and Cam make a costly mistake while executing tooth fairy duties.

Luke and Manny have their first day at high school, which proves to be harder for Phil and Gloria than for the boys. Elsewhere, Claire makes her big return to the workforce at Jay's closet company and is a little rusty on her first day, and Cam starts a new substituting gig at the high school, leaving Mitch to try to juggle Lily's first day of pre-school and a very important meeting at work.

Phil fails at his one task to stay home and wait for the repairman, forcing him to tell an elaborate lie to hide the truth from Claire, but the stress is more than he can physically handle. Meanwhile, Gloria is obsessing over the family portrait she is responsible for organizing this year. Claire accuses Cam of being too snobby to use her girls’ hand-me-downs and Jay secretly enters Stella in a dog show.

Claire decides to get rid of all of the clutter out of the house before taking over Jay's business. Jay's new hobby causes concern for Cameron.

Mitchell tries to tell Cameron how he feels uncomfortable with his mom, Barb Tucker. Meanwhile, Haley breaks up with Dylan much to Phil's dismay and Claire's delight. Jay has a little stomach ache that gets exacerbated when he and Manny look it up on the Internet.

Jay and Claire take control of their kids' school projects from Manny and Luke, while Haley and Gloria help Phil with a real estate presentation. Elsewhere, Cam and Mitchell meet with a potential birth mother.

When an earthquake hits, Claire gets stuck in the bathroom with the plumber; Manny experiences an existential crisis while out with Jay; Mitchell and Cameron use the quake as an excuse to get out of a party thrown by a friend (Nathan Lane).