It’s not every day you meet all 6 of your soulmates at once.

Wait a minute, all this crap I’ll never use is free? Sign me up. Sign-ups are free, right?

Good god, making a man watch a whole baseball game? In one sitting? The Geneva Convention exists for a reason, you savages!

You may have never actually worked out on this exercise machine, but at least you broke a sweat moving it in and then throwing it out?

Your crappy hometown is the #1 tourist destination for every traveler that needs to go there so their parents aren’t sad!

Every Thursday, I’ve got a thing at 7:30 after work, and it takes me 37 minutes to get there? That’s why I go to the Awkward Amount of Time Station!

I am woman, hear me roar! Whoa, that was a really loud roar, so sorry about that.

The world is really going to shit, and now’s the time to do something. Or maybe we’ll wait until it gets even shittier?

Much of the food was provided thanks to Squanto (my roommate’s work friend’s DJ name).

People have been buying bowls in a store since the beginning of stores and bowls. Isn’t it time for a change?

Some people call them a crime against God, other people call them just plain delicious.

Watch out. This Thanksgiving dinner is covered in live opinions.

Someday you’ll paint those other 3 walls!

Who could forget perhaps Ansel Adams’ greatest work, “Dog I Saw Near Trader Joe’s”?

He’s a true loose cannon, by which we mean, not actually affiliated with the police force in any way.

One year later, and we still don’t know how tall Grant is.

It’s the best worst night of the year.

When you have a child, your bones automatically turn into sidewalk chalk.

Maybe wizards should figure out a way to conjure up Google Maps.

GET THESE THINGS OUTTA ME.

Everyone should have guns. That’s right. EVERYONE.

My phone? Couldn’t it just be a distant relative or something?

Watch The Big Boy Theory, every third Sunday at noon on NBS!

You go (to jail) girl!

I have a dream… ugh, wait, no one wants to hear about my dreams, do they?