Cornfed invites Beverly to join him on a trip to his Aunt's catfish ranch. Duckman, jealous of Cornfed's interest in Bev, tags along for the ride. After getting the ranch hands fired, Duckman and the gang must help the foreman, Big Jack McBastard, on the big catfish drive to Texas. On part of their drive involves crossing ""Hell's Toilet,"" where ""the days are so hot they can boil your brain and the nights are colder than David Caruso's film career."" After Duckman accidentally kills Big Jack, they are on their own.

Duckman is kidnapped by an irate viewer who doesn't like the lack of morals portrayed on his television show.

As the disclaimer says at the beginning this episode is full ""of heavy handed and over-obvious allegory,"" when for some children, Duckman and Cornfed search for what has become of a beautiful model named America.

Duckman takes the family and Cornfed out for dinner. The karaoke machine comes out and Bernice's rantings against Duckman are heard by a record company big-wig. He markets her as an Alanis Morrisette type of singing sensation; however, the tour takes a toll on her and the family.

Cornfed leaves for a much-needed vacation. While he is away, Duckman becomes mesmerized by a black model/private eye who quickly gets him involved in a world of murder, power, lust and every black exploitation cliché that exists with a side of a Spelling/Goldberg production.

With the Father & Son Games coming up, Duckman looks for an alternative to competing with Ajax. He spots a more than adequate replacement in recording artist Coolio, who's returned to school to replace his high school diploma. Coolio does not compete with Duckman. Ajax competes with Duckman and even tho they don't win, it has made Duckman and Ajax's bond stronger.

Duckman and the gang travel to San Francisco to attend Dickcon 97. He thinks he is being honored with an ""achievement"" award. When he gets there, he encounters an old rival from detective school. The rival is running the event and takes every opportunity to humiliate him. One of these methods involves an attempt to find a kidnapped Cornfed.

Duckman purchases a mail-order bride, from Tetzloff; however, she's really a jungle savage. With Cornfed's help, they attempt to civilize her a'la My Fair Lady. He asks for her hand in marriage on a ""Surprise Proposals"" episode of Leeza and things go awry when the flashbulbs go off.

Ajax's natural talent for poetry makes him popular. Duckman gets him signed to a contract for a job creating greeting cards, but Ajax isn't happy with his new occupation.

Ajax is abducted by redneck aliens and taken to a planet where Duckman is praised as a deity and Ajax revered as ""The son of Dod.""

Duckman plans a big poker for the evening. Unfortunately before the game his obnoxious Uncle Mo arrives and claims he is dying. To avoid the curse that befell his cousin, Duckman tries to wait on him hand and foot. Just how much of his Uncle can he take?

Duckman needs a new kidney. To get one requires a donation from a blood relative. He searches for his father, who he thought was cryogenically frozen. Instead he discovers that the man he thought was his father, wasn't. Using the power of the Microsoft Network (Blatant Plug!), the twins and Cornfed find where dad is currently living. Duckman and Cornfed travel there, only to find that his is a paranoid schizophrenic who's formed his own country.

Duckman backs his car into a cute girl in front the house. Finding out that she is on her own, Beverly and the family invite her to stay; however, Beverly becomes the victim when Tami tries to takeover a have a ""perfect family.""

Duckman receives a letter offering Ajax a chance to go to a boarding school for gifted children. After visiting Ajax's current school, Duckman decides that Ajax must go to the boarding school. The family begins to miss Ajax's presence. Cornfed decodes one of Ajax's letter's and they go to the school to bring Ajax back, but it turns out the school is a front for Duckman's arch-nemesis, ""King"" Chicken.

Through a unique combination of chemicals, Duckman gets a rare blood disease that causes him to grow several inches each time he gets angry and rants & raves. Realizing that he can't control himself after growing several feet, Duckman exiles himself to a desert island.

Bernice travels to Washington to assume her new role as Congresswoman. Duckman spots a woman who happens to look like Beatrice, but gets hit by a bus. It turns out that she is Beatrice and Bernice's long lost triplet. Bev realizes the only way to keep Duckman alive is to pretend to be Beatrice.

Mambo is caught with a cigarette in his mouth; Bernice takes action in Congress. A tobacco company CEO invites her and the family to enjoy the hospitality of the tobacco industry. When Bernice won't change her position, they are put to work picking tobacco. Rescue seems hopeless, until Agnes Delrooney, reveals that she has been hiding out as Grandma-ma all this time. She makes an escape, with Duckman handcuffed to her.

Duckman is watching a TV program, but the family takes over the set when Mother Mirabelle's Home Miracle Network program starts airing. The family demands that Duckman help find Mother Mirabelle's stolen painting that helps create miracles. Duckman reluctantly agrees, but he is skeptical until he experiences his own miracle.

Duckman and the neighbors get together to form an association after another neighborhood association appears to be getting preferential treatment from the city. Duckman is elected head of the association and he becomes Patton-like as the two neighborhood associations go to war. The civil war breaks out within their neighborhood association.

Annoyed with the current state of the film industry, Duckman goes to Hollywood to demand his $7 back. Instead, he falls into the plot of a soon-to-be deposed studio executive, a man who's looking for a patsy to run the studio into the ground in hopes of saving his own job. Duckman becomes head of Paradox Pictures, where ""if it's a good movie its a Paradox"". He quickly begins running through the studio's money, signs a secretary to a 340 million dollar deal to star in a movie in her underpants. The deposed executive also arranges it so that Duckman manages to alienate the studio's three biggest action stars.

Duckman is imprisoned for killing Fluffy and Uranus, again. However, he is accidentally sent to a women's prison. A dream of his comes true! In fact Duckman fits in quite well and becomes the star attraction in the warden's side business, a dance ring. Everything's going great until Suzy comes along.

Duckman quests for friendship when Cornfed is the only guest at his surprise party. He begins hanging out at a coffee shop that is filled with a group of twenty-somethings named Ditzi, Bobby, Sassy, Pete and Marion. Together they discuss their ""problems"" a la Friends with a side of Ellen.

Beverly asks Bernice if she knows anything about Grandma-ma's past. The coma-bound Grandma-ma recalls her past in a series of flashbacks that involves a tortured romance with two characters who look and sound a lot like Cornfed (Petrov) and Duckman (Trigorin) with Russian accents.

Convicted of fraud, Duckman is sentenced to 5,000 hours of community service. He is sent to a dangerous inner-city high school, located a half a block from his house, where he becomes a substitute teacher and it turns out that his is the most ""Dangerous Mind.""

At the wedding of Dr. Ben Stein, a series of emotional epiphanies lead to an amazing set of marriage proposals. King Chicken proposes to Bernice. Cornfed proposes to Beverly. Duckman proposes to his new love, King Chicken's ex Honey. After many arguments between the principles, Duckman says he will make all the arrangements, thereby letting everyone blame him. Despite his arrangements, the ceremony goes off with the appropriate hitches, except that Duckman finds out something that Cornfed forgot to tell him.