Every season of History Bites ever, ranked from best to worst by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The best seasons of History Bites!

The greatest medical disaster in Western History is seen through the eyes of television. Featuring news updates on the spread of the plague, as well as How-To shows on avoiding the plague, Martha Stewart's plague tips, a Dating Game to help repopulate the empty countryside, and Letterman's Top Ten Recruiting Slogans of the Flagellants.

The Black Death

It's the discovery of America from the perspective of the Americans who were discovered. The Arawak view of Columbus' arrival as a sharp parody of the black and white sci-fi classic The Day The Earth Stood Still. Technologically superior creatures arrive in fantastic ships to offer the natives things they'd never imagined, such as disease, slavery, and destruction of their way of life.

The Day The Island Stood Still

The incredible story of how German author/playwright Goethe's first novel, a romantic tragedy, inspired a wave of real-life suicides amongst Europe's upper classes. On ""The Rosie O'Donnell Show"" Goethe wants to talk about his newest work, an ambitious adaptation of Faust. Rosie wants to talk about his first big hit, The Sorrows of Werther, and the rabid fan reaction.

Love & Death

One of the most enduring stories of Japanese history is the legendary tale of the 47 Ronin. When these Samurai lost their leader to a ritual suicide, or Seppuku, they became leaderless Samurai, known as Ronin. They vowed to avenge his death, before committing ritual suicide themselves. This tale of treachery and honour, in which a mob of tough guys avenge the death of their boss, is presented in a wicked parody of The Godfather.

Samurai Goodfellas

The assassination of Julius Caesar as seen through the mirror of the modern political assassinations. Twenty years after the tragedy, Nightline Ted Koppel interviews Roman Citizens who claim Caesar's assassination was NOT a vast government conspiracy, but actually the work of one lone assassin. They claim the government invented the whole Ides of March conspiracy to hide the truth, keep order, and maintain the status quo.

Who Killed J.F.C.?

The story behind President Abraham Lincoln's decision to issue the Emancipation Proclamation to give the Union forces the high moral ground in a brutal and bloody war is revealed in a parody of West Wing. As well, the Crocodile Hunter goes Slave Hunting in the old south, and the Discovery Channel looks at how marvelous new technologies like the telegraph, Iron Ships, and steam power, are being used to make war more efficient. Mass production leads to mass destruction.

The Uncivil War

Sex & Scandal involving the church. Peter Abelard, a brilliant religious philosopher whose writings helped reform and strengthen the Medieval church, appears on the Howard Stern show. Peter wants to discuss his theories on biblical issues and the interpretation of Christ's works. Howard just wants to talk about how Peter was forcibly castrated for knocking up a church officials daughter.

Temptation Monastery

The second Upper Canada Rebellion lead by Scottish-born journalist & political rabblerouser William Lyon Mackenzie. A parody of Michael Moore, the rebellion becomes Roger & Me meets The Awful Truth meets a few hundred well-armed red-coats. Other early Canadian TV fare includes commercials, game shows, and a spoof of the Crocodile Hunter who's after the 19th Century's most elusive prey: ghosts.

Francis & Me

Oprah invites Ivan the Terrible on her show to talk about the reign of terror his black-shirted secret police have inflicted on Russians for the past 20 years, including the massacre 60,000 in Novgorod, and the murder of his own son. When Ivan proves reluctant to take ownership of his actions, and won't ""confront his issues"", Oprah brings in Healer Phil to bring closure to Ivan.

Terror For The Sake Of Terror

In a spoof of every damn award show going, all of the hottest music stars gather to honour the recently deceased Ludwig Von Beethoven. The cream of the Romantic Era present awards, perform their symphonies, and gab with Joan Rivers on the red carpet outside the theatre. In a parody of the Elton John/Eminem duet, the anti-Semitic maestro Richard Wagner sings with converted Jewish composer Felix Mendelssohn.

Harpsichord Wizard

In the 12th century controversial clergyman Thomas Becket was struck down in his cathedral by knights loyal to King Henry II. It's a case of papal power vs. the kings power, separation of church and state, and jurisdiction in courts. The murder case is solved and prosecuted in a parody of Law & Order.

A Canterbury Murder Tale

A Celtic warrior queen proves to the Romans that women can be just as cruel and blood thirsty as men. In a wicked parody of Thelma and Louise, Boadicea and her daughters seek revenge for a rape by Roman soldiers, that leaves 70000 people dead.

Xena's Evil Sister

Live coverage of the the great typhoon that saved Japan from the invading armies of Kublai Khan. This incredible story of Mongols beaten by meteorology is presented in a droll spoof of The Weather Channel. We also tune in to ancient Japanese commercials, editorials, game shows, and a phone-in program on ritual suicide.

Kamikaze Save The Day

The Gunpowder plot by Catholic dissidents makes the Oklahoma City bombing pale by comparison. Or it would have had it succeeded. This near-tragedy is more farce, with evidence that the whole thing was a government conspiracy to incite anti-Catholic sentiments. While the Guy Fawkes story dominates all of the Renaissance News channels, decorating maven Debbie Travis shows Catholics how to hide their priest from the authorities using false walls and a faux fireplace.

Domestic Terrorism

Young people and their loud, sexy music! It's a story as old as Plato. In ancient Athens, Greek elders were outraged by the younger generations lack of interest in organized religion, their rejection of traditional beliefs, and their nerve jangling new music. Sounds and looks like Beatlemania. In this spoof of a Beatles documentary we learn about four real Greek musicians who championed a new kind of music, that celebrated wine, women, and song. Or wine, young men, and song.

Rock & Roll Has Got To Go!

The Lewis & Clark expedition, the epic journey of the men who opened up the west for the whites and closed it for the Natives, as seen through a National Geographic-style documentary. Crews document the incredible journey into the unknown with all of it's bizarre but true twists. Channel surf to follow the other big story in 1804 America: the duel to the death between the Vice President of the United States and the Secretary of State!

Where No White Man Has Gone Before

A group who have dedicated themselves to charity and Christian works are suddenly accused of the vilest crimes imaginable. These crusading Christians known as the Knights Templar are rounded up by French authorities, and tortured into confessions. It's an unholy crusade against some holy crusaders, presented by Bill Kurtis on Medieval Justice.

Goodnight Good Knights

The ancient Emperor Nebuchadrezzar talks to Barbara Walters about his amazing Hanging Gardens, his vast new empire, and his plans to rebuild the tower of Babel so that he can reach the Babylonian gods. It's a look at the civilization of the Babylon and the importance of getting construction workers, contractors, architects, and building inspectors to all speak the same language.

Stairway To Heaven

At the height of the Renaissance an obscure French doctor becomes an international sensation with his amazingly accurate predictions, such as ""The Lion of The East Will Meet the Dark Wind."" Wow! An infomercial for Nostrodamus's new book of predictions reveals this doctor is not much of a psychic.

Psychic Celebrity

A complex trial involving many witnesses, many accusers, many defendants, and invisible magical evidence tests the corporeal powers of Judge Judy. This parody of a courtroom sends up the travesty of justice that shook the early American colonies with reports of scandal, devil worship, and rampant evil.

Bewitched

A look at the original Olympic Games reveals that even in Plato's time athletes took money to compete, won prizes and accolades for their victories, and were surrounded by controversy.

Five Ring Circus

Excess violence in popular entertainment is not a new issue. Shakespeare came under attack for the excessive gore in his play Titus Andronicus. But the Bard's latest play, Hamlet is opening this week, and Merriment Tonite is there to cover all the Renaissance glitz and glamour.

Gratuitous Sex & Violence

The infamous story of the Donner Party stranded in the Rocky Mountains is done as a parody of Survivor. In its time, the Donner story was a huge scandal. Its intrigue and ruthlessness caught the public's attention as members of the expedition did anything to stay alive.

Out Wit, Out Walk, Out Eat

After 1500 years of counting days, the old Julian calendar has fallen behind. Under pressure to set things right, Pope Gregory simply cancels October 6th through 15th. When Catholic communities convert, and Protestant ones don't, the result makes converting to metric system seem like a lark.

Ten Lost Days

A dysfunctional family (The Borgias) who bullied their way into the Papacy and almost destroyed the Catholic church with their scandalous vices; A deadly parody of The Osbournes, following Pope Alexander as he battles with his favourite mistress and most important bastard children.

The Osborgias

The first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrim at Plymouth is done as a parody of All In The Family. Other parodies include a Batman-like cartoon called 'Captain Puritan', George on Seinfeld worrying about whether to emigrate to the New World, and Woody Allen obsessing on the persecution of his people, the Puritans.

Talkin' Turkey

The story of a bizarre but chivalrous knight who toured Europe in a white dress and blonde wig jousting and battling for ladies honour. Ulrich promotes his 'Venus' tour on Live With Regis & Kelly, where he ends up brawling with a famous Christian theologian who claims that the Church believes women are far from pure.

Never Been Kissed

The Reign of Terror, the executions, and the death of firebrand Robespierre are all explored in a parody of Seinfeld. Jerry, Kramer, George, Elaine, and Newman try to cope with dating, free love, death sentences, and the banning of religion in Paris.

The Politics Of Puffy Pants

The Cathars were a break away group of French Christians who rejected most of the Catholic Church's practices and beliefs. And they were persecuted to death for it. Their story is presented as a 20/20 look back at the history of the Cathars, which becomes a parody of Communism and the McCarthy hearings.

I Pray The Fifth

The original Renaissance man meets the original Renaissance woman as Martha Stewart visits Leonardo Da Vinci's workshop. Leo demonstrates painting, anatomy, dissection, fortress building, weapon design, and much more. The episode also features a folk singer, Gordon Slicefoot, crooning about the perils of human dissection. There's parodies of Married With Children, and ads for some of the more bizarre products of the 15th century.

A.D.D. In 1510 AD

Custer's defeat at the Battle of Little Big Horn as seen through the eyes of the West Files (X-Files) team. Agents Mulder and Scully confront the evidence and then head west because ""the truth is out there"". With the help of the Lone Gunmen and the cigar-smoking man, they uncover germ warfare, government cover-ups, and mysterious creatures known as Indians.

The Truth Is Out There

Marco Polo's book about his adventures across Asia and the court of the Kublai Khan was a huge hit across Europe. So this hot author guests on Letterman to defend his work against claims that it's fabrication and exaggeration. Then Marta Stewart drops by to demonstrate her recipe for Mongol beverages.

Marco & Nick's Excellent Adventure

""Live from beautiful downtown Boston..."" America's political and social upheaval is presented in a parody of the hottest show from a later upheaval, with the American Revolution on 'Laugh In'. Guest political figures such as Ben Franklin yuck it up with regulars Dick and Dan, giggling Goldie Hawn, Artie Johnson, and Lilli Tomlin.

Tax This!

It's the rival regents of the Renaissance, Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth the 1st, battling it out on Jerry Springer. There's surprise guests waiting back stage, shocking revelations, and plenty of mud slinging in a battle royal for the throne.

Queen Takes Queen, Checkmate

The incredible story of a Pope who was dug up and put on trial by an angry, and apparently crazy, rival. The weirdest trial of the Dark Ages is presented on a parody of 'The Practice.'

Got You Dead To Rights

A dead-on parody of The Bachelor explores the Mormon's early practices of polygamy. As the eager Bachelorettes discover, being wife number four isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Imagine the story of the Spanish Conquistadors in Peru as an episode of the classic original Star Trek. Imagine Pizarro and his crew as Spock, Bones, Scotty, and Sulu, and the Incas as the bizarre aliens they must defeat.

To Boldly Go...

The War Of 1812 as reported by CNN's Crossfire. We hear from generals and politicians on all three sides: British, American, and Native American. It appears the British and Americans are claiming victory, while the Natives are claiming foul.

A Win-Win War

At The Movies With Ebert & Roeper reviews and shows clips from the new biographical film, 'A Newtiful Mind."" We learn how the mathematical and scientific genius spent most of his life working on biblical prophecy, and died a virgin.

A Newtiful Mind

History Bites was a television series on the History Television network that ran from 1998-2003. Created by Rick Green, History Bites explored what would be on television if the medium had been around for the last 5,000 years of human history. Typically, a significant historical event was chosen and mock news, sports and entertainment programming was created around it. Each episode included several segments of Green offering historical background of the episode's chosen era and otherwise showed frequent shifts from one comedy sketch to another representing a channel-surfing viewer who never watched any one sketch for more than a few minutes at a time.

Reruns of History Bites are currently being shown on History Television and The Comedy Network.

The Best Seasons of History Bites

The Best Seasons of History Bites

Season 1

Season 4

Season 5