Season 1
N/A/100 votes#001
Season 1 Episode 1 - Aired 9/20/1982
Madame prepares for the latest taping of her syndicated TV talk show. At the end of this hectic day, Madame's niece Sara Joy arrives from their native Georgia, determined to crack show business and requesting that her aunt put her up until she does.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#004
Season 1 Episode 4 - Aired 9/23/1982
Bernadette books a ladies Dixie band on the show without Madame's approval; Buzz and Sara Joy submit Pinkerton's diary for publication, which divulges his long-ago affair with Madame. When the book sells, Pinkerton is torn between the generous cash advance and his loyalty to Madame.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#005
Season 1 Episode 5 - Aired 9/24/1982
A rash of robberies in the neighborhood leads Madame to install a home security system. Unfortunately, as she's testing it out, a metal cage descends upon her from above and locks her in -- fifteen minutes before she's due on stage.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#007
Season 1 Episode 7 - Aired 9/28/1982
It's dueling divas when guest star Debbie Reynolds does a life-sized impression of Madame on the show; Sara Joy admits that the baby found on Madame's doorstep is hers, and the need to earn money leads her to accept a role in a pornographic film.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#008
Season 1 Episode 8 - Aired 9/29/1982
Madame and Bernadette have a falling out after Solaria conducts a seance to make contact with Bernadette's deceased husband; Sara Joy reveals that she is not the true mother of the infant found on Madame's doorstep, and that she has been protecting the baby's real mother, a friend of hers from Dawson, Georgia.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#009
Season 1 Episode 9 - Aired 9/30/1982
As the standoff between Madame and Bernadette rages on, the household falls into disarray; Sara Joy's friend Patty Sue takes ownership of the infant found on Madame's doorstep and heads back to Dawson, Georgia; on her show, Madame spotlights a Japanese comedienne who does uncanny impressions of Leslie Caron, Hermione Gingold, Katharine Hepburn, Sandra Dee and Shirley Temple.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Tony Garofalo, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#010
Season 1 Episode 10 - Aired 10/1/1982
Madame and Bernadette reconcile, and the household returns to order -- until Madame becomes indisposed, at which point a scramble ensues to find a substitute host for that evening's show. With all of Tinseltown RSVP'd to a party hosted by Sammy Davis, Jr., Madame prepares Bernadette to take center stage.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#011
Season 1 Episode 11 - Aired 10/4/1982
Concerned over Buzzy's adolescent crush on Sara Joy, Madame intervenes with the boy's self-involved show-biz parents, but her plan backfires when Buzzy runs away; Anthony Newley appears on Madame's show, where the two duet to "The Candy Man."
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, George Atkins, Tony Garofalo, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#012
Season 1 Episode 12 - Aired 10/5/1982
After winning the Irish Sweepstakes, an eccentric, formerly homeless woman named Cora moves in next door to Madame. When the snooty neighbors protest, Madame goes the Pygmalion route to teach Cora how to behave like a lady of means.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Wayland Flowers, Tom Moore
- N/A/100 votes
#013
Season 1 Episode 13 - Aired 10/6/1982
To boost ratings, Madame sponsors an on-air "Marry Madame" contest to find the man who will become her seventh husband; an extremely talkative Charles Nelson Reilly pays a visit to Madame's show, barely letting her get a word in edgewise.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#014
Season 1 Episode 14 - Aired 10/7/1982
Bernadette, Pinkerton and Sara Joy take an instant dislike to Madame's new fiancé, but when Madame remains blind to his mercenary nature, they conspire to reveal his true colors.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#015
Season 1 Episode 15 - Aired 10/8/1982
When Madame and con-man Dwayne Kellogg elope to Mexico, Pinkerton, Sara Joy and Bernadette spring into action to stop the wedding before it's too late; the outspoken Mr. Honest fills in for Madame on her show while she's away.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#016
Season 1 Episode 16 - Aired 10/11/1982
Depressed and behaving erratically in the wake of her ruptured engagement to Dwayne Kellogg, Madame refuses professional help -- until Bernadette engages celebrity psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers; on her show, Madame introduces comics Fred Willard and Dave Workman.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Frank Mula, Carter Crocker, Wayland Flowers, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#017
Season 1 Episode 17 - Aired 10/12/1982
Dr. Joyce Brothers continues her in-depth analysis of Madame, which reveals a long-standing pattern of choosing the wrong men in her life; Pinkerton comes clean with Madame about his feelings for her, twenty-five years after their breakup.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#018
Season 1 Episode 18 - Aired 10/13/1982
Against her better judgment, Madame allows a vitriolic reporter to follow her with a camera for a TV expose that completely misrepresents her; inebriated comic Foster Brooks unexpectedly wanders onto the stage of Madame's show.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#019
Season 1 Episode 19 - Aired 10/14/1982
A famous Italian director asks Madame to appear in his latest film, which leads her to question staying in television; Madame spars with guest star Betty White on her show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#020
Season 1 Episode 20 - Aired 10/15/1982
Tab Hunter is interviewed by Madame in her eponymous talk show, and she confuses him with other famous 1950s heartthrob actors and cannot name any of his movies.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#021
Season 1 Episode 21 - Aired 10/18/1982
Madame's neighbors launch a petition to prevent her from running her show on their street, and Madame finds an unlikely ally in an awkward, introverted inventor.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#022
Season 1 Episode 22 - Aired 10/19/1982
A dip in Madame's ratings indicates that she has fallen out of touch with the youth market. Feeling past her prime, Madame goes punk and takes part in a youth protest.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- 6.0/101 votes
#023
Season 1 Episode 23 - Aired 10/20/1982
Madame decides the only way to recapture her beauty is to undergo cosmetic surgery. She and Pinkerton then concoct a ruse that will allow her recuperation time without anyone discovering what's she's done. In response, the household leaps to the conclusion that Madame is on her deathbed.
Director: Don Barnhart
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#024
Season 1 Episode 24 - Aired 10/21/1982
Solaria tries to hypnotize Madame out of a debilitating bout of insomnia, which causes Madame to fall into a post-hypnotic trance while interviewing a prominent women's rights activist.
Director: Don Barnhart
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#025
Season 1 Episode 25 - Aired 10/22/1982
When Barney is fired from "Madame's Place," his replacement is a cutting-edge Canadian producer whose run of controversial, adversarial guests nearly drives Madame off the air.
Director: Don Barnhart
Writer: Bob Sand, Peggy Goldman, Carter Crocker, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#026
Season 1 Episode 26 - Aired 10/25/1982
Madame hosts a reunion for one of the 'Whoopie Girls' from her speakeasy days, but the down-on-her-luck former vaudevillian likes mansion living so much that she shows no signs of leaving; Madame welcomes fellow southerner Toni Tennille to the show, but all of her questions pertain solely to the Captain.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
But Please, No Jokes
Season 1 Episode 27 - Aired 10/26/1982
After spending her life savings to record a single, Sara Joy quits her job to pursue a full-time singing career. When Madame rebukes her rash decision, her discouraged niece packs her bags and heads home to Georgia -- until Bernadette hears the record, which prompts Madame to introduce Sara Joy on her show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#028
Season 1 Episode 28 - Aired 10/27/1982
When Madame is chosen Woman of the Year by the Fine Arts Guild, Bernadette and Pinkerton move into damage control mode, as the Guild reserves the right to withdraw the nomination if the recipient behaves in an undignified manner. Once it commences, the award ceremony devolves into a bona fide roast of Madame.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#029
Season 1 Episode 29 - Aired 10/28/1982
Sara Joy wants Madame to back the production of an esoteric play written by her untalented boyfriend from acting class; glamorous Eva Gabor guest stars on "Madame's Place," resulting in a fashionista duel between the two divas.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Frank Mula, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren
- N/A/100 votes
#030
Season 1 Episode 30 - Aired 10/29/1982
A freak snowstorm brings Hollywood to its knees during sweeps week, forcing Madame to put her staff and family to work on that evening's show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#031
Season 1 Episode 31 - Aired 11/1/1982
Sara Joy hopes to make the Olympics gymnastics team; Madame's former producer sues her for firing him -- serving her subpoena through a dog act on the air -- but her longtime attorney appears to have entered senility.
Director: Don Barnhart
Writer: Bob Sand, Frank Mula, Tony Garofalo, Carter Crocker, Wayland Flowers
- N/A/100 votes
#032
Season 1 Episode 32 - Aired 11/2/1982
Sara Joy promotes the career of a juggling street performer; Madame's trial continues, with the plaintiff threatening blackmail with a videotape from her foray into pornography.
Director: Don Barnhart
Writer: Bob Sand, Frank Mula, Tony Garofalo, Wayland Flowers, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#034
Season 1 Episode 34 - Aired 11/4/1982
When Sara Joy ends her courtship with a love-'em-and-leave-'em nude artist's model, Solaria sets her up with her nephew, Pee Wee Herman.
Director: Don Barnhart
Writer: Bob Sand, Tony Garofalo, Wayland Flowers, Bob Howard
- N/A/100 votes
#035
Season 1 Episode 35 - Aired 11/5/1982
Madame is paid a visit by her black sheep cousin Charley -- a man who transforms into Bette Davis whenever he hears the word 'trash.' When vacationing Pinkerton returns to the mansion, he falls for Charley in drag. Guest star: Charles Pierce
Director: Unknown
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#036
Season 1 Episode 36 - Aired 11/8/1982
Madame's sergeant nephew Lamar is temporarily re-stationed in Los Angeles, where he commandeers the mansion and puts the family through rigorous basic training; Frankie Avalon guest stars on Madame's show, where he shares his secrets for staying youthful.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Tony Garofalo, Tom Moore, Carter Crocker, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#037
Season 1 Episode 37 - Aired 11/9/1982
Madame defies network executives when she hires a handsome but inept new announcer over their more seasoned candidates.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Carter Crocker, Wayland Flowers, Tom Moore, Bob Howard
- N/A/100 votes
#038
Season 1 Episode 38 - Aired 11/10/1982
Madame invites her second husband and his new fiancée to lunch, then orders William Shatner off the set of her show when the Canadian actor cannot recite the United States national anthem.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, George Atkins, Tony Garofalo, Wayland Flowers, Bob Howard
- N/A/100 votes
#039
Season 1 Episode 39 - Aired 11/11/1982
Madame hires a bargain basement interior designer who romances Bernadette to get a commercial deal on Madame's show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, George Atkins, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren, Tom Moore, Bob Howard
- N/A/100 votes
#040
Season 1 Episode 40 - Aired 11/12/1982
Believing the mansion is haunted, the household hires a local ghostbuster; Madame hosts comedian George Gobel on her show, and the two compete to see who has the worse memory.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Frank Mula, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren, Bob Howard
- N/A/100 votes
#041
Season 1 Episode 41 - Aired 11/15/1982
Madame continues efforts to banish the ghosts of Groucho and Harpo Marx, whose practical jokes from beyond have the household up in arms; heartthrob John Schneider promotes his latest film and record album on Madame's show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Frank Mula, George Atkins, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#042
Season 1 Episode 42 - Aired 11/16/1982
An old flame of Pinkerton's returns after 22 years to disclose that they have a son together; comedian Dick Shawn appears as a guest on Madame's show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, George Atkins, Tony Garofalo, Wayland Flowers, Tom Moore, Bob Howard
- N/A/100 votes
#043
Season 1 Episode 43 - Aired 11/17/1982
Two teenagers from the Brooklyn chapter of Madame's fan club steal their way into the mansion -- and then refuse to leave; comedian Marty Allen appears on Madame's show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Frank Mula, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#044
Season 1 Episode 44 - Aired 11/18/1982
Defeated and disillusioned by her inability get a role in a major motion picture, Madame decides to retire, throwing her talk show into disarray.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#045
Season 1 Episode 45 - Aired 11/19/1982
Pinkerton becomes addicted to a television soap opera; comedian Rip Taylor forces Madame to play straight man to him when he appears on her talk show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Tony Garofalo, Wayland Flowers, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#046
Season 1 Episode 46 - Aired 11/22/1982
Sara Joy is hypnotized into becoming more assertive, which turns into her a completely different person; Arsenio Hall appears on Madame's show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Carter Crocker, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren
- N/A/100 votes
#047
Season 1 Episode 47 - Aired 11/23/1982
When a fan letter berates her physical appearance, Madame hires a makeover consultant who prescribes a complete overhaul; comedian Fred Travalena guest stars on Madame's show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Unknown
- N/A/100 votes
#048
Season 1 Episode 48 - Aired 11/24/1982
The household goes to extremes to raise funds when the media reports that Madame is bankrupt; comedian Scatman Crothers guest stars on Madame's talk show.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Frank Mula, Wayland Flowers, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#049
Season 1 Episode 49 - Aired 11/25/1982
An extraterrestrial steals into the mansion with the objective of "melding" with Madame so he can bring comedy back to his planet.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren
- N/A/100 votes
#050
Season 1 Episode 50 - Aired 11/26/1982
A bumbling inspector takes charge after Madame's iconic, life-size portrait is stolen.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Greg Fields, Bob Howard
- N/A/100 votes
#051
Season 1 Episode 51 - Aired 11/29/1982
While Pinkerton is on vacation, his twin brother, an uncultivated biker named Chopper, drops in to pay his respects. Actor-singer Jerry Reed guest stars.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Frank Mula, Wayland Flowers, Tom Moore
- N/A/100 votes
#052
Season 1 Episode 52 - Aired 11/30/1982
Madame is audited by the Internal Revenue Service, which becomes sticky when Mr. Honest shows up to throw light on every white lie she tells.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren
- N/A/100 votes
#053
Season 1 Episode 53 - Aired 12/1/1982
Mr. Honest seeks Madame's help in ferreting out the identity of his secret admirer; comedienne Alice Ghostley visits Madame's show, revealing their long-standing rivalry after decades of competing for the same roles.
Director: Unknown
Writer: Bob Sand, Frank Mula, Tony Garofalo, Carter Crocker, Wayland Flowers, Tom Moore, Greg Fields
- N/A/100 votes
#054
Season 1 Episode 54 - Aired 12/2/1982
Feeling his midlife crunch, Pinkerton accepts an offer to train an up-and-coming female prizefighter. Final episode of series.
Director: Paul Miller
Writer: Bob Sand, Dennis Rinsler, Frank Mula, George Atkins, Wayland Flowers, Marc Warren, Greg Fields