The Worst Episodes of Madame's Place

After winning the Irish Sweepstakes, an eccentric, formerly homeless woman named Cora moves in next door to Madame. When the snooty neighbors protest, Madame goes the Pygmalion route to teach Cora how to behave like a lady of means.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Tom Moore, Dennis Rinsler

To boost ratings, Madame sponsors an on-air "Marry Madame" contest to find the man who will become her seventh husband; an extremely talkative Charles Nelson Reilly pays a visit to Madame's show, barely letting her get a word in edgewise.

Director: N/A

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

Bernadette, Pinkerton and Sara Joy take an instant dislike to Madame's new fiancé, but when Madame remains blind to his mercenary nature, they conspire to reveal his true colors.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

When Madame and con-man Dwayne Kellogg elope to Mexico, Pinkerton, Sara Joy and Bernadette spring into action to stop the wedding before it's too late; the outspoken Mr. Honest fills in for Madame on her show while she's away.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

Depressed and behaving erratically in the wake of her ruptured engagement to Dwayne Kellogg, Madame refuses professional help -- until Bernadette engages celebrity psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers; on her show, Madame introduces comics Fred Willard and Dave Workman.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Carter Crocker, Greg Fields, Frank Mula

Dr. Joyce Brothers continues her in-depth analysis of Madame, which reveals a long-standing pattern of choosing the wrong men in her life; Pinkerton comes clean with Madame about his feelings for her, twenty-five years after their breakup.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

Against her better judgment, Madame allows a vitriolic reporter to follow her with a camera for a TV expose that completely misrepresents her; inebriated comic Foster Brooks unexpectedly wanders onto the stage of Madame's show.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

A famous Italian director asks Madame to appear in his latest film, which leads her to question staying in television; Madame spars with guest star Betty White on her show.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: N/A

Tab Hunter is interviewed by Madame in her eponymous talk show, and she confuses him with other famous 1950s heartthrob actors and cannot name any of his movies.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: N/A

Madame's neighbors launch a petition to prevent her from running her show on their street, and Madame finds an unlikely ally in an awkward, introverted inventor.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

A dip in Madame's ratings indicates that she has fallen out of touch with the youth market. Feeling past her prime, Madame goes punk and takes part in a youth protest.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

Solaria tries to hypnotize Madame out of a debilitating bout of insomnia, which causes Madame to fall into a post-hypnotic trance while interviewing a prominent women's rights activist.

Director: Don Barnhart

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

When Barney is fired from "Madame's Place," his replacement is a cutting-edge Canadian producer whose run of controversial, adversarial guests nearly drives Madame off the air.

Director: Don Barnhart

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Carter Crocker, Peggy Goldman

Madame hosts a reunion for one of the 'Whoopie Girls' from her speakeasy days, but the down-on-her-luck former vaudevillian likes mansion living so much that she shows no signs of leaving; Madame welcomes fellow southerner Toni Tennille to the show, but all of her questions pertain solely to the Captain.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

After spending her life savings to record a single, Sara Joy quits her job to pursue a full-time singing career. When Madame rebukes her rash decision, her discouraged niece packs her bags and heads home to Georgia -- until Bernadette hears the record, which prompts Madame to introduce Sara Joy on her show.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

When Madame is chosen Woman of the Year by the Fine Arts Guild, Bernadette and Pinkerton move into damage control mode, as the Guild reserves the right to withdraw the nomination if the recipient behaves in an undignified manner. Once it commences, the award ceremony devolves into a bona fide roast of Madame.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

Sara Joy wants Madame to back the production of an esoteric play written by her untalented boyfriend from acting class; glamorous Eva Gabor guest stars on "Madame's Place," resulting in a fashionista duel between the two divas.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Dennis Rinsler, Frank Mula, Marc Warren

A freak snowstorm brings Hollywood to its knees during sweeps week, forcing Madame to put her staff and family to work on that evening's show.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers

Sara Joy hopes to make the Olympics gymnastics team; Madame's former producer sues her for firing him -- serving her subpoena through a dog act on the air -- but her longtime attorney appears to have entered senility.

Director: Don Barnhart

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Tony Garofalo, Carter Crocker, Frank Mula

Sara Joy takes the stand on Madame's behalf as the trial draws to a conclusion.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

Madame is paid a visit by her black sheep cousin Charley -- a man who transforms into Bette Davis whenever he hears the word 'trash.' When vacationing Pinkerton returns to the mansion, he falls for Charley in drag. Guest star: Charles Pierce

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

Madame's sergeant nephew Lamar is temporarily re-stationed in Los Angeles, where he commandeers the mansion and puts the family through rigorous basic training; Frankie Avalon guest stars on Madame's show, where he shares his secrets for staying youthful.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Tony Garofalo, Dennis Rinsler, Carter Crocker, Greg Fields, Marc Warren, Tom Moore

Madame defies network executives when she hires a handsome but inept new announcer over their more seasoned candidates.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Tom Moore, Carter Crocker, Bob Howard

Madame invites her second husband and his new fiancée to lunch, then orders William Shatner off the set of her show when the Canadian actor cannot recite the United States national anthem.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, Tony Garofalo, George Atkins, Bob Howard

Madame hires a bargain basement interior designer who romances Bernadette to get a commercial deal on Madame's show.

Director: Paul Miller

Writer: Bob Sand, Wayland Flowers, George Atkins, Tom Moore, Dennis Rinsler, Marc Warren, Bob Howard