It's Valentine's day and Naomi feels unloved and Vint buying her cheap stuff for doesn't help.  Mama and Iola however are busy making hearts for the Valentine's day banquet at the church. Naomi starts bugging Iola about not having a date,so she says she had one but turned it down, while getting some snacks Mama hears this. Feeling sorry for her, Mama tells Iola that the movie they were gonna watch tonight is off and she should get herself a date. Mama then comes up with the story that she too has a date.

Now Mama has to try and find a gentleman to go out with. Iola comes over later the afternoon and tells Thelma that Roselle got a date from ""Rent-A-Gent"". So feeling desperate Thelma calls ""Rent A Gent"" and gets a date herself.

My Phony Valentine

Vicki Lawrence

Ken Berry

Dorothy Lyman

Beverly Archer

Allan Kayser

The Big Wheel

Mama's Layaway Plan

Mama's reign as the Church Ladies League President only has two weeks to go and being that it's limited to one term Mama needs someone to nominate her for a second term. So she drafts Iola to take on the CCL's power broker in Alberta Meechum. but it doesn't quite go as planned as a very nervous Iola stumbles through her nomination of Mama. Thelma versus Iola

Alberta makes it clear that she thinks it's unfair to ask anyone to carry the load of being president for another two years. So in a shocking twist she nominates Iola and it's soon decided to have an election. The campaign turns nasty quick and Mama challenges Iola to a public debate.

Ladies Choice

Mama and Iola are working hard on a homemade quilt to enter an upcoming contest when Iola comments about the house being so quiet lately. Vint and Naomi arrive home from visiting a friend of their's who just had a baby girl. Which gives Naomi the idea that she wants one too. Mama's dead set against the idea and makes it clear to Vint about her feelings.

When that bit of pushing fells to get through. Mama decides to give them a taste of what having a baby is like. So, thinking they have a day off, she sets a little plan into motion to discourage them. Namely asking to babysit for one of her neighbors, who has a baby with a real penchant for high pitched crying.

Problem is Naomi and Vint have decided to go into work late, leaving Mama to baby sit little Garth. It's a chore to finally get him to stop crying, but every time Mama gets him to be quiet someone slams a door and he starts again. In the end, Mama is wore out and falls asleep right as Naomi and Vint come in.

Baby Talk

Naomi's on top of the world with the news that she has an interview for the now vacant Assistant Manager's job at Food Circus. While Vint worries if she gets the job she'll never be home. All of this is because a new manager (Archie Woods) has taken over and begins to shakes things up, including firing the old Assistant Manager.

Naomi arrives for her interview full of new ideas for the store. Problem is there are several job requirements that she didn't count on when she applied. Like, for instance, having to make it with Mr. Woods if she wants the promotion or for that matter to even keep her old checkers job. She's horrified and it takes a while before she can explain to Mama and Iola what exactly happened.

Naomi's New Position

Mama's already annoyed and trying to avoid Roselle so she won't have to head up the latest charity drive. While Bubba's late for dinner, which of course annoys Mama even more. He's learning to use the school video camera as he's planning to make a film about the Harper family for a school project. So to begin he has everyone gather at the dining room table, problem is their all decked out in their best clothes.

The Really Loud Family

It's the day before Mama's birthday and Vint decides to make her a present instead of buying her something. It ends up being a really ugly cocktail belt, which Bubba's not sure what to think of when he sess it. A little later, a knock comes at the front door and it's Vint's boss, Mr. Carstairs. He wants Vint to hold on to a gift he bought for his ""Mother"", his pet name for his wife. A $200 diamond bracelet.

The problem's start when Mama finds it and thinks it's for her after she reads the card and it says ""to my darling mother."" So not being able to except such an expensive gift she takes it back to the store and exchanges it. Buying gifts for everyone else in the process. Bubba gets an LP, Naomi gets her bed sheets and Vint's get the watch he wanted.

Many Unhappy Returns

The mail is late,meaning Mama's pention check is late also,so she has to wait around for the mailman.Come to find out Iola had it the whole time and now it's to late to get to the bank to deposit it.So Iola suggests that Mama use the new Auto-Teller, instead of letting her checks for the bills bounce.

Mama deposits the check and asks for $20.00 cash,which the machine deducts from her account,but never gives to her.So she blasts it with her pocket book and it soon starts spitting out money.$800 to be exact.

Later at the dinner table,the family and Iola take part in Bubba's survey for his class and all disagree on what people should do with found money.It soon comes out that the teller-matic gave Mama $800 and suddenly everyone agrees that they should keep the money,with everyone having ideas on how best to spend it.But Mama decides to return to the bank the next day and put it in her account instead.

Found Money

Iola arrives to collect for the church rummage sell. While Naomi and Vint have nothing, Mama is looking through her jewelry case. Soon finding her dear departed mother's old brouch. Naomi comments that it may be worth some serious money. Bubba then comes in and annouces his college class is going to Oswald Caverns and it'll only cost two hundred bucks. Which Mama refuses to give him.

Naomi and Vint convince Mama to let them have the brouch appraised and that's when the ghost of ""Grandma Crowley"" appears to Mama and tells her not to sell her it. Later, as Vint and Naomi leave for the jewelers. Iola shows up and is spooked to hear the story of the ghost. Vint and Naomi arrive back and say the brouch could be worth $1600.

Mama demands they go back and get it, so she rushes them through dinner, where Bubba announces he got a job to pay for his trip (which he ends up getting fired at). Iola returns to inform Mama about her findings in the latest issue of a psychology magazine.

My Mama, Myself

Mama, Naomi and Iola are planning to go to a show at the Pepper Pot Playhouse, while Vint and Bubba are set to play poker with the ""poker pals"". Mama finds out who's starring in the play and decides not to go, so Naomi and Iola leave as the ""pals"" arrive. Mama's headed off to bed when the phone rings, come to find out the other guys can't play. So Vint begs Mama to set in.

Mama proves to be a much better player than anyone expected and is soon the hit of the evening, sharing embarrassing stories about Vint as a kid. Until she gets pulled away from the table by Vint and he begs her to build him up, so the ""pals"" will think he's a big man. Problem is that doesn't go as well and Mama soon begins boring every one with her endless stories.

The last shoe drops when Mama reveals, in another story, that Vint touches the end of his when he's not telling the truth. Which ends up costing him a hand and he storms out mad. Naomi and Iola return and Naomi thinks the play was horrible.

Full House

Mama's sitting up late waiting for Bubba when Vint and Noami come in and start telling her about the new best seller they just bought.It seems the book gives couples ideas on how to get pregnant more easily.One of them they seem intent on trying is doing it in different places.

Bubba finally does come in and introduces his new study buddy Toni Malone,a girl.Mama flips and refuses to leave them alone until Bubba threatens to move into the college's Co-ed dorm.Which convinces Mama to go to bed.

The next morning,while cleaning Bubba's room they find a black lace bra in the sheets.Thinking it's Toni's,Mama tries to get Bubba to admit to it over dinner,but he doesn't.So Mama and Iola get the idea to stitch bells to his mattress,that way if Bubba  and Toni do decide to do something they'd be caught.But in the middle of the stitching job,they hear someone coming so they hide in the closet.

Bedtime for Bubba

Mama plays host to the neighborhood block party, where Mayor Tutwiller is set to make a major announcement. Mama thinks he's going to award her the ""Golden Troll"" award for the best yard in Raytown. But he instead annouces that the city council has voted to make Raylane the new city dump and buy all the houses on the block. Mam though refuses to move, even though everyone else is for it.

Bubba plans to move into the dorm and Vint and Naomi find a newspaper ad for their dream house, which with the money they'll get from the city for the old house, they can now afford. Meanwhile, Bubba is working on a history paper for class on the founder of Raytown, James A.Ray. It seems he can find plenty of facts about his life but nothing about his death.

What a Dump

Mama forgets one of Bubba's phone messages but refuses to admit she needs to write them down, as she did earlier with Naomi. So Iola suggests they get a answering machine. Thinking it would cost to much, Mama refuses, until Iola says she has one they can have for free.

Meanwhile, Naomi brings a stray dog home and her and Vint try to find a home for it, while trying to keep it hid from Mama. They lock it up in the garage, where Mama keeps hearing it bark but they convince her she's losing her mind.

After intercepting a series of phone messages, Mama becomes convinced there gonna send her off, because she's going crazy. But all is soon revealed, and the dog finds a home at the senior citizens center.

Mama Bell

Mama is sacked out on the couch after laser surgery to remove a Corn from her toe. Having Bubba wait on her hand and foot, when Vint and Naomi come in, dressed for a dance contest their going to. Mama's starts talking about her memories of the place where the event being held and everyone decides to go along with them as their cheering session.

Mama runs into an old friend, Ramon and they decide to enter the contest against Vint and Naomi, as do Bubba and Iola. Two of the final three are ofcourse Vint/Naomi and Mama/Ramon. It comes down to having to draw from a hat to determine which dance your gonna do. In the end Mama and Ramon win in an upset after doing the ""Latin Sizzle"" aka Dirty Dancin.

Very Dirty Dancing

Vint, Naomi and Bubba are preparing for the upcoming Bowl-A-Thon, hoping to beat the Huflanders, who've won 8 years in a row. When Mama returns with Aunt Effie from their Cousin Ludie's funeral, were they where the only mourners. Deciding this won't happen to her, Mama begins to plan her own funeral. Including spending the $1200 the family had saved for their Grand Canyon trip.

Having to replace Mama on their team, Vint, Naomi and Bubba choose Iola, as Mama refuses to go, saying it's to expensive. Soon after they leave though, Mama gets a shock from the lamp and passes out. Dreaming about her own funeral and how everyone walked out to go bowling.

The entire family is abuzz with Lotto fever, except Mama that is, who just wants Iola to get back with the cinnamon so they can start on the snickerdoodles for the church bake sale. Iola returns with a lottery ticket she bought with the change from Mama's money. Trying to pick her numbers, Mama suggestions Iola can borrow her kids birthdays.

The night of the drawing, Bubba and Naomi have two tickets each while Vint spent his entire check on tickets. To everyone's surprise, Iola matches all 6 numbers and wins a chance to appear on the Lotto Show.

Naomi and Vint rush in to get ready for the awards banquet that night for Food Circus. While Mama complains to the meter guy about her electric bill saying it's always a certain price but this month it's $20.00 higher and she refuses to pay it.

More Power to You

Trying to update the church's phone directory is hard enough, but having to do it with everyone running in and out is impossible. But fortunately for Mama her wishes of a quite house are answered. First Bubba announces that he's pledging a fraternity called ""Sigma Alpha Pie"" or ""SAP"" and will be away all weekend. Then Iola asks Mama to watch her goldfish for the weekend while she takes her parents on a trip. Vint gets a call next and he and Naomi are invited to use a friends cabin all weekend.

Mama anticipates a few days of peace all alone, but after finishing the update on the phone directory and realizing the Tv is on the blink and not being able to read, she is totally consumed with boredom. So much so that she starts talking to the goldfish, while also over feeding him. Not to mention reorganizing the kitchen is a complete failure as she ends up out on the front Porch ""Singing in the Rain"" literally.

Mama in One

Bubba's off to a rally for the homeless, as Mama and Iola are off to the Rayplex, while Vint and Naomi are headed out to route five to see the new housing development. Mama gives Bubba $20 just in case he needs it and then he accidently packs her wallet in his back pack and heads out. She only notices this as her and Iola are leaving. So Mama heads for the rally to get her wallet back and Iola heads for the theatre.

But Mama gets arrested along with the the other's at the rally and gets locked up, even though she tries to convince them she's not homeless. The phone is busy when she calls home so she's out of luck and into the cell she goes. Where she discovers that the people there are much like her, including her Cousin Cora.

There's No Place Like...No Place

April fools day has Mama in a particularly foul mood, as always. First Bubba gets her with a hand buzzer and Vint scares her with a plastic snake. Before leaving Naomi gets her too with a sign on her back that Iola finds. The fun though isn't contained to the family as Iola gets her too with a special 'lemon sponge cake', that turns out to really be a lemon and sponges.

All this time, Mama is hoping to win the golden troll award. The last draw is when Naomi, Vint and Bubba blow off yard work for a day on the lake watching the ski show. While Mama's next door, the family gets a call telling them they've won the award and should expect the media around 4 0'clock. Only problem is Mama doesn't believe them when she's informed off the wonderful news.

April Fools

Bubba and Vint are playing basketball out back, when Mama comes out and starts talking about Lolly Purdue and how bad a job she is doing as the CCL President. Mama's also trying to avoid Lolly because she doesn't wanna have to hand write the thank you notes Lolly wants. But little does Mama know, that Iola has already agreed to do it.

Just as they are finishing Lolly shows up with some bookmarks she wants put in the envelopes, even though they've already been sealed. That gives Mama and Iola the reason they need to try and impeach her. So they schedule a special meeting of the CCL's board. But Lolly shows up unexpectedly, and Mama puts her to work in the kitchen.

As Iola and the other ladies move to the porch (then onto her house), Mama makes a major discovery; Lolly can't read. That's why she messed up the recipe and a number of other things. So as her and Mama began to talk, they decide to start a program for people who wanna learn to read and write.

Reading the Riot Act

Vint and Naomi are doing their taxes while Bubba works on Mama's, but their using the long form and she's using the short. So they figure out they'll get a $300 refund, while Bubba tells Mama she'll owe $250.T hat is until she starts listing items she could deduct. Like pies she made for the bake sale and clothes she gave away for a rummage sale.

A Taxing Situation

Iola meets a man that is interested in one of her inventions.But as it turns out Vint,Naomi and Bubba have an invention of their own,the Petlocks.When Mr. Wheeler arrives he barely glances at Iola's invention before noticing Vints' invention and saying he thinks it's a brilliant idea.He asks for 800 dollars in Good faith money to start,with which he will match with 800 of his own.

Mama is skeptical and refuses to let Vint have the money.That's when Detective Sneed shows up and drops the news that Wheeler is a con artist.He enlists Mama and Iola in a plot to catch Wheeler red-handed. Sneed gives Mama 800 dollars in marked money and has her wear a wire to record the  conversation.

Vint decides at the last minute that Mama is right and the lock idea is dumb,and Mama has to talk him out of it.

The Mama of Invention

Mama's sworn enemy and next door neighbor, Fred Gebhart blows leafs back into Thelma's yard which starts a screaming match that has to be broken up by Iola.She then makes Bubba rake up the leafs,where he meets Fred's grand daughter Terri,who just moved to Raytown.The attraction is instant between them.

After only two dates Bubba and Terri announce their getting married.Which makes both Fred and Thelma insist they break up.Vint and Naomi think it's great as does Iola,as this becomes the topic of conversation until Thelma can't handle it anymore.

Fred then comes to visit and they come to realize that since their gonna be in-laws they had better try to settle the feud.It comes out that the whole fued had nothing to do with them,it was actually there spouses who did everything.So they bury the hatchet.

Hate Thy Neighbor

Thelma and Iola prepare to go a cruise down the Ray River on the Dixie Bell,seems they got a special, two for one deal and that's the only way they could go.Then Iola comes in and says her mother had another dizzy spell and she can't leave her.So Mama reminds her of a few of the times her mother has prevented her from doing stuff.Feeling enpowered Iola runs home to confront her mother.

She returns minutes later,with the news that she confronted her mother and said she was gonna go on that cruise.Who responded to her plea for independence by throwing her out.Mama and the family reluctantly agree she should stay with them until the cruise.But this arrangment quickly turns sour.

Iola takes over Mama's kitchen and works non-stop from daylight till dawn,including vacuuming under Vint and Naomi's bed at 7:00 in the morning.She's also a terrible bunk mate,getting up to go to the bathroom constantly and opening the window and then adding more covers.

Dependence Day

Naomi annouces her and Vint can't get pregnant because Vint is shooting blanks,so Iola suggests that they try and adopt a baby.Turns out she has a cousin who works for an adoption agency in Hinkley. So she sets up an interview.

It goes well as they pass interview after interview easily until the final one.Where they and Mama have to meet with Dr. Richards, a family psychologist.

Mama Makes Three

Thelma Harper and her spinster sister Fran open their home to Thelma's recently divorced son Vinton and his teenage son and daughter. It's quite an adjustment for everyone, especially the cranky, argumentative Thelma.

My Phony Valentine

Seasons6

Season 5 Episodes25

Cast5

Discussion

Episode Summary