The Worst Episodes of Not the Nine O'Clock News

Sketches: Apology to the Feemasons / Panda Crossing / Brewed By Robots / Pope's Hat / Ticket Collector / Piano / Chilean Milk Marketing Board / Gang Of Three / Windsors Greatest Hits / Crowd control / Gift Shop / Giscard / Michelangelo's David / Photo Booth / Thatcher Leaving / Headmaster and pupil / Silent Movie / Weather Forecast / Euthanasia Society

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Bankrupt / Ask The Family / What's The Time Mr Wolf? / Rubik Cube / Valentine / Advert for the SDP / No dogs, smoking, bikes / Stunt cops and robbers / Bank / The Price Of Petrol / Kangaroo Meat Advert / Wildebeest / Mad Colonel / Umbrellas / Financial Times / Post Office / Roland Davies / Contac 2000

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Ready Brek / Daily Star / Elephant Man / Thieves without stockings to put on their heads but with a pair of tights / Battered Baby / Harty Skit / Sunbed / The Obit / This Is Your Life / Tax Evaders / American Express (Masons) / Open Marriage / Schmidt Old Slag / Cocktail party / Burglar / Cold students / The New Creed / Vicar Breakdown / Lager / All-purpose Advert / Henry Cooper / Chess / Man Alive Skit / Disco which isn't really / Aural sex

Director: N/A

Writer: Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones, Andy Hamilton, David Renwick, Andrew Marshall

Sketches: Clapperboard / Tinker, Tailor / Kenny Everett Sketch / Britt Ekland's car / National Wealth Beds / Wilson's Memoirs / Inflatables / Aliens / Vivisection Sketch / On The Moov / Spinning Head / Man With Ten Legs / Tory Conference / Maori Sketch

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Grand National Skit / Pinball / Helicopter / Alidair Milne / Wimpy Burgers / Non-Diet Pepsi / Car Vandals / The Cost Of A sketch / Dolphin for President / The lesson I learned from Chappaquiddick / Parkinson Meets Parkinson / Maternity Ward / Perfect evening / Lifeboats / The Nancy Boys / Cottage In Wales

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Andy Hamilton

Sketches: John Cleese / Suicide / Stringmakers' strike / National Laundromat Week / Murder Scene Sketch / Vote For Jimmy Carter / Hospital Stores / Ayatollah Sketch / Blue Peter / Preacher / The Dead Crocodile / Hole Sculptor / Restaurant / Restrictive Practices Suite / Irish Football

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, John Lloyd

Sketches: Thatcher out/Thatcher in / Pyjama case / Presidential Aide / Baboons / Walking Into A Tree / TUC Tea Break / Pop Group / Reg Varney / Sooty Surgeon / Soccer Violence / Join The Royal Family / Gay Flasher / Kendal Mint Cake / I Believe / BBC2 Closedown

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: I'm on fire / Nationwide twins / Swedish film centre / ouglas Adams / London tourist board / Sleepy Firemen / Space Salvationists / Girls' Football / Roger Cook / Sir Keith Joseph / Counting Sheep / One Man And His Lion / Return Of Rowan's Rant / Soup and Cocoa / Auld Lang Syne / Controlling TV shows / Big Jobs / Last Of The Mohicans

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Baby on the bus / Nativity Sketch / New Jeans / Religious fanatic / Nativity II / Hot Gossip / Church Advertising / Medieval Christmas / Ranting Frenchman / Miss World / Amputation / Trial By Egg / ""Probe"" / Bingo / Rowan Rants Again / Nanny Service / Christmas Carol

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Taxi in restaurant / Breathalyser / Train Driver / Job Creation Scheme / Punk badge / Air dryers / Hospital signs / Mr Bazouki / Aleebee / Cappuccino / National Bank Of Poland / Criminal driver / Nun stunt display / Polish Show / Nice Video Shame About The Song / Caber tosser

Director: Geoff Posner

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Russian Army / FIAT Advert / Postman / Railway Announcement / Stout Life / Talking to daffodils / Crime Figures / Out-of-touch Judge / Train cancellation/Announcer breaks down / Glue Sniffing / Suicide / Loud Reporter / James Burke / American Express / President Tito / I Like Bouncing / Abu Ben Adhem

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones

Sketches: Guardsmen / Blood bank sign / Morgue / Parkinson with Billy Connolly / Pottery presenter / Hi-Fi Shop / Campari and Soda / Passport Photos / News For The Deaf / Mugging / The Devil: Is He All Bad? / Contagious spots / Origami / Hitchcock Directs The News / Hidden Switch / Janet Street Porter interviews Billy Connolly

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Confrontation Song / Points Of View / Cannabis / Guinness / Defence Minister / Police station phone call / Metal detector / Restaurant revolutions / Transplant Olympics / Freddie Cosgray / Is smoking safer than crossing the road? / Ayatollah Song / Exam Guide / Police Yob

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Andy Hamilton

Sketches: Apology to Princess Margaret / News Headlines / Nicest flag in the EEC / Inflation / Kennedy / Gravity / Equal Opportunities / Blind beggar / Phone Bill Sketch / Forgetful Priests / St Vincent / Rowan's Rant 1 / Suburbs at War / Gay Christian / Keep Fit / Milk Tray

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Andy Hamilton, David Renwick

Sketches: Plane Crash / Mission Ineffable / Scunthorpe strangler / Football Replay / Final Demands / Lifeboatmen / Craftsman's Kitchen / I can't feel my legs / Neurotica / Song: Gob On You

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Airline Terrorists / Film Certification / Space Invaders / Dinner Party / Awards Ceremony (Sofas) / Alabammy Bound / Prestel / Kleptomania / Vegtarian Hunting Season / Stereoids / Rowan Rants On / Milkman / Ford Cortina / Lead Poisoning / Kiss of life / Government Training Film / Hairdressers / School of archaeology / Aeroplane toilet / Arianna Advert / Boxing in Johannesburg / Rowan Apologises / Clint Eastwood / Debating Point

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Andy Hamilton

Sketches: Baronet Oswold Ernold Mosley / Punk aerosol / Queen's Visit / Loyal Apology / Iran & Iraq / Barry Manilow / Cargo Cult / Pneumatic Drills / Kidney Donor / Wimpy worker / Party Political Broadcast / Sperm Donor / Acupuncture / Not The Parrot Sketch / Karate For The Deaf / Divorce Ceremony / Nine To Five / Rolf Harris

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones

Sketches: Royal car visor / Whale delivery / Aliens / John Cleese / General Synod's Life Of Python / Disco For Dentists / Licence fee / Milk float visors / Simultaneous Translation / Donald Sinden / Self-defence / Spies / Sex Shop / Poped / Careers Teacher / Oh! Bosanquet

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Ivan The Awful / Game For A Laugh / Public Toilet / Wine Tasting / Home Wine Kit / Aussie Pilot / Does God Exist? / Re-Altered Images / Cricket Commetary / Snooker commentary / Home Organ / Man outside phone box / Tomorrow's World / New Glee / Holiday Habits / Commission for Racial Equality / The Not Team At Home With Their Son / Grow Up You Bastards / Hamlet Advert Skit / Ploughman's Lunch / Mannequins / Pushing a car / Suicide

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Announcer / Musical aeroplane / Polish cartoon / Radio controlled ospreys / University Challenge / C'est la Vie (Abba skit) / Age Of Consent / Carol Singers / Christmas Blackmail / Multiplex / Thatchula / Shirley Williams / Coffee Commerical / Sexist Cameraman / Sexism Discussion / Door sketch / SPG Man / Swag Card / Now Dry Your Hands / Ayatollah auction

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones

Sketches: Lawyers / Thugs on bus / Riot Police / Songs Of Praise / Failed In Wales / Choking on pills / Green man / Car crusher / Brain Death / Nurse trapped inside a patient / Riots / Rumbley's Pies / Made From Whales / What A Lot Of Willies! / Blind man crossing the road / Medical students who aren't / Ah, Come In Rawlinson! / Laid In Wales / Typical Bloody Typical

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Punk road painter / Two Ninnies/Two Ninnies Song / Marc Almond / Jogger trying to cross the road / Pub Grub / Arab identifying his wife's body / Parkinson meets Ian Botham / Zak the Alien / Pork Scratchings / Budget / Barefoot thug / Time, Gentlemen, Please / Hey Wow / Pizza Moment / The Memory Kinda Lingers

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones

Sketches: International Darts / Milkman's Note / Beat The Cliché / One-man bus / Gone With The Wind / Superman / Cinema Age Restrictions / Tramp / Time Out Lonely Hearts / Late Abortion / Jean Paul Satre / Shop Assistants / Euthanasia / Thoucht For The Day / Confessional / Gob Of The Month / And all because the lady loves...

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones, Andy Hamilton

Sketches: The Shining 2 / Cockerel / Punk at a urinal / That's Lies / Made In Britain / Bank pens / Sir Robert Mark / Dick Head / TV Licence Advert / Bank signs / Unemployment / Bhuddist Driving School / Loud man in sex shop / Ansaphone confessional / Vandalised Phone Kiosks / UFO Story / Workaholics / I Like Trucking / National Theatre

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis

Sketches: Hedgehog apology / Athletics from Birmingham / Bad Language / Buffet car / Cinema Usher / Shoe Shop Theft / Constable Savage / Fly The Flag / Bath Salts / Laxatives Tested / Burns Unit / Granny's Mini Metro / Explicit Bag / Quick Service Queue / Barbarian Lager / Welsh Choir / England My Leotard / Ice cream van

Director: N/A

Writer: Richard Curtis