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Fans of the Week: Leeds Footballer Guest: Chris Perry (Wimbledon) Other Guest: Mark Foster (fastest swimmer in the world) (supports Spurs) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Liverpool Xmas party 2. Chelsea can't score 3. Forest are doomed 4. Arsenal indiscipline 5. Referee inconsistency Soccer Locker: George Boateng (Coventry) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: Mountain Biking Can He Kick It? Guest: Gordon Hill (ex Manchester United) Could He Kick It? Yes

Fans of the Week: West Ham Score in CHiPS: Two Footballer Guest: Robbie Savage (Leicester) Other Guest: Huw Higginson (The Bill) On the Phone: -Tony Cottee (Leicester) -Alan Ball (Portsmouth manager) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. FA Cup cheating 2. FA chief's job 3. Flying hot dogs/sausage rolls 4. Bassett hounded out 5. Man Utd leisure time Soccerette: Age 24, 5 foot 7, from Doncaster, supports Sheff Utd (is 'Miss Sheffield') and is called Julie. Soccer Locker: Carl Cort (Wimbledon) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: Played the guitar. Can He Kick It? Guest: George Parris (ex West Ham) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Ipswich. Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guest: Ian Rush (Wrexham; ex Liverpool, Juventus etc) On the Phone: -Tony Cottee (Leicester) -Alan Ball (Portsmouth manager) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Merson unsettled again 2. Venables 3. Giant killing 4. John Hartson 5. Football court cases Soccerette: Age 16, 5 foot 4, from Barry (Wales), supports Aston Villa and is called Holly. Soccer Locker: Joe Cole (West Ham) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: Tim and Helen both danced. Can He Kick It? Guest: Joey Jones (ex Chelsea, Liverpool etc) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat stupidly saved it.

Fans of the Week: Fulham Score in CHiPS: One Footballer Guest: Craig Bellamy (Norwich) Other Guest: Straw: Matty (Manchester City fan) and Roger (Manchester United fan) On the Phone: Paul Jewell (Bradford manager) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. West Ham in chaos 2. Dubious transfer speculation 3. Liverpool are back 4. Forest and Saints doomed 5. David Ginola diving 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 21, 5 foot 8, from Glasgow, supports Rangers and is called Lee. Soccer Locker: Martin Pringle (Charlton) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: Ballet. Can He Kick It? Guest: Steve Hodge (ex Leeds, West Ham etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - Cat dived the wrong way.

Fans of the Week: Gillingham Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guest: Ken Monkou (AKA Storm) (Southampton) Other Guest: Shovell (M-People) (Gooner) On the Phone: -Gary Firmager (West Ham fanzine) -Kevin Francis (Oxford) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Mike Reed and Chelsea penalties 2. Stan Collymore 3. Arsenal persecution complex 4. Glenn Hoddle 5. Wimbledon/Spurs 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 16, 5 foot 7, from Beaconsfield, supports Spurs and is called Helen. Soccer Locker: Kevin Francis (Oxford) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: Played the piano. Can He Kick It? Guest: Ted McDougall (ex Liverpool, Man Utd etc) Could He Kick It? No - he hit it wide.

Fans of the Week: Everton. Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guest: Semassi Abou (West Ham) Other Guest: Happy Mondays: Bez and Gaz (both Man Utd fans) On the Phone: Kieron Dyer (Ipswich) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Glenn Hoddle 2. Howard Wilkinson 3. El Tel back in the running 4. Managers not wanting England job 5. Eileen Drewery 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 20, 5 foot 3, from Walthomstone, supports Arsenal and is called Nicole. Soccer Locker: Paul Furlong (Birmingham) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: Played the accordian. Can He Kick It? Guest: Terry Curran (ex Everton, Derby etc) Could He Kick It? No - he hit the post.

Fans of the Week: Man Utd Score in CHiPS: One Footballer Guest: Mark Hateley (retired) (ex Rangers, Monaco, AC Milan etc) Other Guest: Gary Stringer (Wolves fan) On the Phone: -Ron Atkinson (Forest manager) -Peter Jackson (Huddersfield manager) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. England manager 2. France too good technically 3. Betting scandals 4. Arsenal international injuries 5. Yorke private life 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 17, 5 foot 7, from Letchworth, supports Liverpool and is called Rebecca. Soccer Locker: Marc Vivien-Foe (West Ham) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: Kung fu. Can He Kick It? Guest: Paul Parker (ex Man Utd, Chelsea, QPR etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - and fell over while doing it.

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Fans of the Week: West Brom (Baggies) Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guest: Michael Duberry (Chelsea) Other Guest: Audioweb: Martin and Maxie (Man Utd fans) On the Phone: -Joff Wild (Spurs fanzine) -Doug Ellis (Aston Villa chairman) -Craig Hignett (Barnsley) -Gifton Noel-Williams (Watford) called about the 20 pounds of spuds that he and Martin (from Audioweb) bet last season on the show, on the title race between Arsenal and Man Utd Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Spurs are back 2. Dwight Yorke penalties 3. Kevin Keegan 4. Villa's season in freefall 5. Ungentlemanly conduct 6. The millennium Soccerette: (Same as last week because the Man Utd fans gave her grief) Age 17, 5 foot 7, from Letchworth, supports Liverpool and is called Rebecca. Soccer Locker: Phillipe Albert (Fulham) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: He drew a picture of what the first caller looked like.

Fans of the Week: Scarborough. Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guest: Alex Rae (Sunderland) Other Guest: Steve Pinder (Max Farnham, Brookside) (Blackburn fan) On the Phone: -Steve Harahan (Liverpool fanzine) -Gary McAllister (Coventry) -Michael Grade (Charlton director) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Bergkamp back to his best 2. Spurs on course for Wembley double 3. Celtic Rangers goal glut 4. Anelka Owen transfer speculation 5. Di Canio still ranting 6. The millennium Soccerette: (Tim's old teacher) Age 48, 5 foot 10, from Chelmsford, supports Wrexham and is called Miss Griffiths. Soccer Locker: Harold Bratbakk (Celtic) What Tim did Before Soccer Locker: He drew a picture of what the first caller looked like. Can He Kick It? Guest: Alan Cork (ex Wimbledon, Sheff Utd etc) Could He Kick It? No - hit the post.

Fans of the Week: Derby. Score in CHiPS: Two. Footballer Guest: Iffy Onoura (Swindon) On the Phone: -John Oster (Everton) -Neil Redfearn (Charlton) -Warren Barton (Newcastle) -Sean Hardy (Leeds kitman) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Fowler/Le Saux war 2. Palace in turmoil 3. Beckham and Simeone 4. Chelsea on for treble 5. Leeds young guns 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 22, 5 foot 7, from Sheffield, supports Sheff Utd and is called Amber. Soccer Locker: Michael Ball (Everton) Can He Kick It? Guest: Stan Bowles (ex QPR, Man City etc) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Aberdeen. Score in CHiPS: Five. Footballer Guest: Steve Claridge (Portsmouth) Other Guest: David Soul (Hutch from Starsky and Hutch) (Arsenal fan) On the Phone: -Phillip Don (Referee) -Dave Wallace (Man City fanzine) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Man Utd still on for treble 2. Forest certs for relegation 3. Referees 4. Premier League in disarray 5. Villa buying frenzy 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 26, 5 foot 10, from Birmingham, supports Villa and is called Maureen. Soccer Locker: Robbie Savage (Leicester) Can He Kick It? Guest: Gary Shaw (ex Walsall, Villa etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.

Fans of the Week: -Leicester -Spurs Score in CHiPS: -Leicester 0 -Spurs 1 Footballer Guest: Mark Bright (Charlton) Other Guest: Beautiful South: Paul Heaton (Sheff Utd fan) On the Phone: -Ugo Ehiogu (Villa) -Frank Worthington (retired) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Spurs on for Cup double 2. Keegan must go* 3. Emmanuel Petit 4. Man Utd Euro success 5. Chelsea Euro success 6. American boxing officials are cheats 7. The millennium *Soccer AM didn't actually think Keegan must go, it was only put in the Phono Nonos so they could say it before all the papers start to. Soccerette: Age 18, 5 foot 9, from Harrow, supports Arsenal and is called Joe. Soccer Locker: Keith O'Neill (Middlesbrough) Can He Kick It? Guest: Garry Birtles (ex Man Utd, Notts Forest etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.

Fans of the Week: Walsall. Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guests: -Kevin Phillips (Sunderland) -Chris Bart-Williams (Notts Forest) On the Phone: -Mark Robins (Man City) -Kasey Keller (Leicester) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. England injury crisis 2. Whinging foreigners 3. Transfer deadline deals 4. Spurs are back 5. Robbie Savage 6. Oscars 7. The millennium Soccerette: Age 23, 5 foot 9, from near Wallsall, Poland, supports Poland and is called Basha. Soccer Locker: Louis Saha (Newcastle) Can He Kick It? Guest: Geoff Pike (ex West Ham, Notts County etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.

Fans of the Week: Cardiff. Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guest: Gifton Noel-Williams (Watford) Other Guest: Gene: Martin Rossiter (supports Cardiff) On the Phone: -Frank Lampard Jnr (West Ham) -John Pearman (Liverpool fanzine) -Lee Sharpe (Bradford) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Kevin Keegan motivator 2. UEFA Euro decisions 3. Crystal Palace pay cuts 4. Savage vs Edinburgh re-match 5. Celtic upheaval 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 22, 5 foot 6, from Northampton, supports Northampton and is called Tory. Soccer Locker: Martin Hiden (Leeds) Can He Kick It? Guest: Phil Parkes (ex West Ham, Ipswich etc) Could He Kick It? No - The Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Newcastle. Score in CHiPS: Three. Footballer Guests: -Emerson Thome (Sheff Wed) -Juan Cobian (Sheff Wed) Other Guests: Three Colours Red: Ben (Arsenal fan) and Chris (Sunderland fan) On the Phone: -Mark Foster (world's fastest swimmer) (Spurs fans) -Keith Curle (Wolves) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Robbie Fowler 2. Cole/Yorke partnership 3. Zidane wanting to move to seaside 4. Euro away goals 5. Leeds hold key to title 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 19, 5 foot 4, from Fife, supports Hearts and is called Allana. Soccer Locker: Graham Stuart (Charlton) Can He Kick It? Guest: Graham Roberts (ex Spurs, Chelsea etc) Could He Kick It? No - it hit the post.

Fans of the Week: -Millwall -Wigan Score in CHiPS: -Millwall 1 -Wigan 3 Footballer Guest: Justin Edinburgh (Spurs) Other Guests: Kevin Kennedy (Curly Watts from Coronation Street) (Man City fan) On the Phone: Peter Beardsley (Hartlepool) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Why did Sol do it? 2. Why didn't the ref see Dabizas? 3. Why didn't Arsenal stop Giggs? 4. Why didn't the ref give Keane goal? 5. Why didn't Bergkamp score? 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 19, 5 foot 4, from Horstead, supports Arsenal and is called Sarah. Soccer Locker: Rodney Jack (Crewe) Can He Kick It? Guest: Ian Ormondroyd (ex Villa, Leicester etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.

Fans of the Week: Bradford. Score in CHiPS: Three. Footballer Guests: -Gary Ablett (Birmingham) -Craig Hignett (Barnsley) Other Guest: - On the Phone: -Andy Selman (Sheff Wed fanzine) -John Hendrie (ex Barnsley manager) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Chelsea season over 2. Who's got the best run in? 3. Meaningless internationals 4. Man Utd closing in on treble 5. We should all get behind English teams in Europe 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 21, 5 foot 6, from London, supports Newcastle and is called Louise. Soccer Locker: Ben Thatcher (Wimbledon) Can He Kick It? Guest: Nigel Clough (ex Liverpool, Man City etc) Could He Kick It? No - The Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: -Charlton -Blackburn Score in CHiPS: -Charlton 1 -Blackburn 3 Footballer Guest: Alex Manninger (Arsenal) Other Guest: Bob Willis (ex cricketer) (Man City fan) On the Phone: Ian Harte (Leeds) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Anelka no-show (at PFA awards) 2. Kevin Keegan - England job for life 3. Great win for Scotland 4. Kevin Campbell - Everton saviour 5. Roy Evans sniping at Houllier 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 20, 5 foot 9, from Lancaster, supports Everton and is called Katherine. Soccer Locker: Ian Pearce (West Ham) Can He Kick It? Guest: Gary Brooke (ex Spurs etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.

Fans of the Week: Bury. Score in CHiPS: Zero. Footballer Guest: Mark Robins (Man City) Other Guest: Tony Robinson (actor; Bauldrick) (Bristol City fan) On the Phone: -David Johnson (Ipswich) -Terry Venables (ex England manager) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Title race going to wire 2. Man Utd players' cars 3. Referees are rubbish 4. Keegan walking out on Fulham 5. Footballer of the year awards 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 21, 5 foot 5, from Milton Keynes, supports Man Utd and is called Alison. Soccer Locker: Kevin Campbell (Everton) Can He Kick It? Guest: Peter Nicholas (ex Arsenal, Chelsea etc) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Arsenal. Score in CHiPS: Two. Footballer Guest: Michael Thomas (Benfica) Other Guest: Glenn Hugill (was in Coronation Street) (Sunderland fan) On the Phone: -Graham Stuart (Charlton) -Stuart McCall (Bradford) -Clive Foley (Southampton fanzine) Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Jimmy Glass 2. Spurs could win title for Arsenal 3. Man Utd last three games are cup finals 4. Whining Anelka 5. Gail Porter 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 18, 5 foot 9, from Brighton, supports Man Utd and is called Victoria. Soccer Locker: Jason Wilcox (Blackburn) Can He Kick It? Guest: Ray Stewart (ex West Ham etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.

Fans of the Week: -Newcastle -Man Utd Score in CHiPS: -Newcastle 1 -Man Utd 1 (after 60 seconds. After 30 seconds of extra time, Man Utd won 2-0) Footballer Guest: Peter Beardsley (Retired; ex Newcastle, Liverpool etc) Other Guest: -Happy Mondays: Bez, Gaz, Paul (all support Man Utd) -Mani (Primal Scream) (Man Utd fan) On the Phone: - Footballing Phono Nono's 1. Ipswich promotion hoodoo 2. Man Utd on verge of making history 3. Newcastle - odds are against them 4. Graham Taylor - coming back to big league 5. Anelka still whining 6. The millennium Soccerette: Age 22, 5 foot 5, from Stoke-on-Trent, supports Stoke and is called Carli. Soccer Locker: Alan Smith (Leeds) Can He Kick It? Guest: Paul Allen (ex West Ham etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.