When Miss Titley puts on a production of Romeo And Juliet, young Gordon is first to volunteer for the part of the male lead.

Geraldine invites a former pupil to give a careers talk, which makes Doug insanely jealous, while Baz thinks it's about time Gordon stopped filling his head with dreams of university and got a proper job.

Doug puffs his chest out for the highlight of PE teachers' year, The Golden Whistle Awards. He is a bit too grand to take Geraldine and instead takes the Amazonian PE mistress, Miss Thing.

Gordon tries every trick in the book to stop leering love rival Doug Digby from whisking winsome Geraldine off for a dirty weekend.

Doug Digby may think he's a hard man, but he's a softie compared with his dad. Digby senior drops in on his son, spit-roasts his pet piglet for bacon sarnies and leaves Doug a quivering mess.

Lovelorn Gordon tries to convince Miss Titley that Digby is nothing but a brute, but she will have none of it until the grudge match against a team led by his arch-rival Ron Atkinson.