Simone tries to win Malcolm's heart through his stomach with some special chocolate cookies, but once Malcolm tastes them, he only wants to use them to go into the cookie business with. Meanwhile, McGinley tries to lure Simone away from Malcolm, to work in his bar.

Malcolm uses tough love on his sister who gets fired and dumped in the same week.

Malcolm acts as chef Simone's husband to fool her high-school nemesis.

Nicolette wants to make her relationship with Eddie a public one, while Eddie continues to want them to meet in secret. Nicolette is asked to the policemen's ball by another man, and feeling rejected by Eddie, she decides to go. Eddie gets jealous and tries to stand up for his woman, but he falls far short. Malcolm unwittingly buys stolen lobsters for the club's catering of the policemen's ball, and Simone does a fantastic job of making them a hit.

Malcolm inadvertently places a large bet on Eddie when he competes in a NASCAR race. Nicollette fears a dream she had about Eddie might come true.

The guys discover that baby-sitting Eddie's infant cousin draws women, but then they panic when they realize that the baby is missing.

Eddie's luck seems to take a turn for the worse, each time Malcolm's luck takes a turn for the better, leaving Eddie battered & beaten. Malcolm meets a girl who he believes is the ""perfect"" girl, until Eddie tells him that he's already Been there, Done that! Meanwhile, Nicollette is exuberant about taking the exam for the Police Academy.

The guys may become family when Eddie's mother starts dating Malcolm's father.

After Malcolm and Eddie each make suggestions to the other about ways to improve each other's business, they decide to make a bet, which leads the guys to switch places and run each other's business for a week.

Eddie subs as coach of a peewee basketball team in order to show up a rival, and Malcolm worries that his trash-talk tactics will leave the team in the dumper.

Friends guide feuding Malcolm and Eddie down memory lane.

Malcolm's banker convinces him to hire his arsonist daughter as a waitress in order to have his loan for a new roof approved. Meanwhile Eddie sweet-talks Nicolette into continuing their secret love affair, in order to keep things spicy.

When their customers opt to go to a competing bar down the block, Malcolm decides to turn McGee's into a gambling establishment and save himself from bankruptcy.

Malcolm's car bites the dust, so Eddie talks Malcolm into buying a car from a police auction. Much to their surprise, the car contains a secret load of cash hidden inside. Things begin to heat up when tough guys show up interested in getting the car back.

Malcolm, his gay sister, and Eddie compete for the attentions of a new waitress.

Malcolm dreams about a distant future where he and Eddie are still roommates.

Malcolm practices for his sports commentator audition at the local radio station, earnestly recording play-by-play onto a demonstration tape while watching the basketball game... until Eddie accidentally blows up the television set. Insistent on helping his roommate replace it, Eddie wheedles Malcolm into attending a free ""personal wealth seminar"" where each participant is promised either a free TV or a set of steak knives.

When Eddie's beloved tow truck Broncula breaks down, he must raise money to repair ""her,"" so he secures a wild array of odd jobs which quickly wear away at Malcolm's quality of life.

Aspiring sportscaster Malcom finally gets a chance to be on the air at the radio station but instead of calling the plays, he's given a dee-jay's graveyard shift. Surprisingly, Eddie ends up as the only one who can get his exhausted roommate through the long nights.

Eddie annoys Malcolm when he deviates from their established system of picking their joint weekly lottery ticket numbers and instead chooses what Malcolm considers a dumb mix - 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 and 30. Malcolm forgives Eddie's indiscretion when all six numbers come up, making them instant millionaires... or so they think.... Unfortunately for the mismatched roommates, for the first time in Missouri state history, there's more than one winner of the Instant Millionaire game - many more. When the money is divvied up, Malcolm and Eddie are able to redecorate their apartment just in time to impress Bridget, a young attorney and her roommate Nicollette, a parking enforcement officer, who move in across the hall. Strongly attracted to Bridget, Malcolm is summarily spurned when she makes it clear she's dating NBA Rookie of the Year Damon Stoudamire. Realizing he's at a crossroads in life, Malcolm decides to buy the bar from Kelly. Eddie uses his half of the money to convert the tow truck gar

Malcolm prepares for the grand reopening of Kelly's sports bar and Eddie arranges to bring in the live entertainment for the event. He also uses his connections to book TAFKAP (The Artist Formerly Known As Prince). But when engine trouble derails the Artist's arrival, Eddie steps in to keep the show alive.

When a beautiful woman arrives at the bar Malcolm is quick to ask her for a date but unbeknownst to him, she's Eddie's younger sister. When the truth is told, the roommates make an agreement that Malcom will keep the evening platonic, but an overprotective Eddie makes it clear that big brother is watching.

Eddie becomes a member of the Little Buddies Association just to get a date with one of its attractive female volunteers. When Malcolm accidentally reveals his roommates ulterior motives to his new little brother, Troy, the mischievous eight-year-old sets out to wreak havoc at Kelly's bar.

As Malcolm prepares for Halloween, fearful Eddie tells a story of a devastating family curse.

A man trying to bring a fake lawsuit against the bar, inadvertently dies, just as the guys get a visit from the city's toughest health inspector.