masr um el dunya… and it always will be. but america is what I need right now. you’ll see, baba. inshallah.

Everyone’s suspicious, man. Maybe your family was in on it, maybe not. Just lay low, and don’t draw attention to yourself. It’ll all die down… maybe. Also, where are all your Mom’s magazines?

austin powers is classic cinema.

Hey i’m starting to think those guys at Verizon had a point.

can we just pray together?

egypt will be just like america.

Pray two rakat for Ruther Bader Ginsburg.

the whole village cries.

Time for a spiritual cleanse. Get this month right, and you’ll have it all figured out. Fast properly, read your Quran, no sex, no porn… bro, close the MacBook! No porn. Just do the Ramadan. Get your life on track.

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Bro…You want real love? commit to the right person. take the bay’ah.

He told you about little Omar! stop acting like you didn’t know! now you gotta explain this dog to your parents?? it’s haraam. you’re just… haraam!

the shower keeps getting clogged. my feet are just sitting in a puddle of my sweaty body water... You ever feel that? Like, you took a shower, but you feel like you still gotta wash your feet?

ramy, ramy, ramy, harami!

You dress like a skateboarder… but you don’t know how to skateboard?

Yes. Mexicans can go to heaven.

You know why you’re so confused all the time? You don’t wash between your toes. It’s that simple.

are you watching horse porn?

i don't care about your halal/haraam ratio.

praying. be back soon.

emotional labor.

ramy min amreeka! iz3yak ya bro! 3amel eh ya 7obby? wa7eshni awi ya brence, wallahi. so pumped ur coming bro. haven’t seen u since u were 8!! a5bar new york we el 3’orba eh ya basha?? and enta landing when? tell me all the flight infozzz, i’ll be there – whatsapp me habibi.

the prayer mat is not for sale.

You dropped out of med school to do what? Dude, the app is called “Snack Swipe.” That shit‘s never gonna work. Just go work for your Uncle… let him teach you how to be man.

So let me get this straight— you don’t do drugs, but you’ll have sex with women you’re not married to…? That’s not nuanced, you’re a hypocrite.