The Worst Episodes of SCTV Network 90

1. Message from Guy: Reruns 2. Indira, Live at the Ackron Arena 3. Angie Dickenson for Fancy-Free Undershields 4. Bob and Doug Wrap 5. Al Peck's Used Cars 6. The Days of the Week 7. Way to Go, Woman: Mother Theresa 8. Great White North Special 9. You: Fitness 10. Nightline Melonville: Unemployment 11. The Great White North Palace 12. Reverend Dan Ellsmire - Be My Friend

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. Hands Off Remote Control Converter from Videotech 2. National Midnight Star 3. Pre-Teen World Telethon 4. Turk Gruman Police Dispatcher 5. SCTV Movie of the Week: Maudlin's Eleven 6. Prickley Heat 7. The Adventures of Shake 'n' Bake 8. Nightline Melonville: Kidnapping 9. Surgical Clinical Instruments 10. PSA: National Committee Against Noise Pollution

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. People's Global Golden Choice Awards 2. Bob's Big Guy Restaurant 3. Convert-A-Toupe 4. The Merv Griffin Show: The Special Edition 5. Great White North: 15-pin Bowling 6. Tex and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium: Chuckie 7. The Fishin' Musician: Third World

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. Message from Guy: The Days of the Week 2. Gene Shalit for Bufferil 3. House in a Box 4. The Days of the Week 5. Just for Fun: Copland, Friedan, Solzhenitzen 6. Dr. X: An Old Friend Returns 7. Tex and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium: Lawn Ornament Daze 8. The Making of 3D Stake from the Heart 9. Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium: Western Clothing 10. Reverend Dan Ellsmire - Surprise Grab Bag 11. ? and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium: Auditions 12. The Irv Goldfarb Show 13. Bali Indonesian Cuisine Restaurant 14. The Irv Goldfarb Show 15. Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium: Countess Boileena 16. Sunrise Semester: Conversational New Yorkese II with Norman Gorman

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. Annie with The Original Cast 2. Stairways to Heaven 3. Donahue: Pornography 4. Pet Peeves of the Stars 5. The Days of the Week 6. The Happy Wanderers: Linsk Minyk 7. Shmenge Travel 8. The Happy Wanderers Looking Back on Shmenge Records 9. Second Nose Job 10. Nightline Melonville: Milk Slush Fund 11. Audiogames by Intellicoustic 12. The Fishin' Musician: Carl Perkins 13. K-I-L Ammo 14. Great White North: How to Beat the Russians 15. LaRue Fish Flakes and Frosted Fish Flakes 16. Stand Up and Be Counted with Bill Needle

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. Commercial: Luciano Pavarotti for Edison Gum 2. The Sammy Maudlin Show: Chariots of Eggs 3. Johnny LaRue's Discount Deprive-O-Rama 4. SCTV News Special Report: NASA Production of Murder in the Cathedral 5. The Days of the Week 6. Ethel Merman Wake Up and Love Me 7. Great White North: Twist-off Beer Caps 8. Mr. Boom Microphone (from Ronco) 9. Mrs. Falbo's Tiny Town: Prison 10. Wheelbarrow World 11. Revenge 12. Carl's Cuts: Film Editing 13. Message from Guy: SCTV's Political Stance

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. Long Distance 2. SCTV Sports: Battle of the PBS Stars 3. Wok on the Wild Side: The Case of the Stir-Fried Corpse 4. The Days of the Week 5. SCTV Movie of the Week: I Was a Teenage Communist 6. Harry's Discount Sex Shop: Businessman of the Year 7. Big Dude TV Dinner 8. Charlie's Kitchen 9. Mean Joe Greene Playhouse 10. Love Slaves of the Southwest 11. Comment with David Brinkley: Boredom

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. "Mr. Know-It-All" The Life of Nostradamus - The Promo 2. Identical Bellhops 3. Money Talks with Brian Johns: Condominiums 4. Nightline Melonville: Margaret Thatcher and Tip O'Neill 5. Jerry Lewis Live on the Champs Elysees 6. Great White North: Dog Scoopers 7. The Days of the Week 8. International House of Panties 9. SCTV Foreign Film Festival: Rome, Italian Style 10. The Fishin' Musician: Jimmy Buffett 11. One-stop Lifestyle Services 12. Mouse House 13. Fireside Chat: Chipped Tooth 14. Norton Sheeff's The Making of: Dr. X 15. General Life's Insight 16. Sunrise Semester: Elementary Drawing 101 with Salvador Dali

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

1. DiMaggio's on the Wharf 2. Street Beef Wrap 3. Norman Mailer for Tyde 4. Talking Projector Adventure Series 5. The Days of the Week episode 6: The Wedding 6. Street Beef: The Big O 7. Lipschitz & Lipschitz 8. TV Talk with Bill Needle 9. Carl's Cuts: Free Delivery 10. SCTV After School Special: How Nosy the Short-Haired Terrier Dog Got His Name 11. The Wall Street Journal 12. Finian's Rainbow Meats

Director: Jim Drake, John Bell

Writer: Don Novello

With a garbage strike looming, Edith persuades Pierre Trudeau to let SCTV pick up the CBC feed. Meanwhile, Sammy Maudlin decides to celebrate the 25th anniversary of his show two years early.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

Fred Willard is involved in a scheme Guy Caballero has hatched, forcing the arrival of SCTV Chairman Alan ""Crazy Legs"" Shipman.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

The second election episode, as covered by SCTV News Election Central. Also features the Shmenge's tribute to John Williams and the very first Stars In One, hosted by Brock Linehan, Martin Short's superb impression of Canadian celebrity interviewer Brian Linehan.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

"Angel Cortez: FBI Jockey," Bobby Bittman PSA for the Public Library, Gus the Security Guard makes everyone sign in, John Houseman reads the phone book, "Farm Film Report" with Deney Terrio, The band America performs "Right Before Your Eyes," SCTV Movie of the Week: "The Bowery Boys In The Band," Dr. Rawl Withers introduces The National Midnight Star, Harry the guy with a snake on his face sells descramblers. A "reasonably faithful" spoof of Jane Eyre, Reverend Gene Filler of the Church of Unlimited Credit, "Monster Chiller Horror Theater" presents Dr. Tongue's 3-D House of Slave Chicks, Curly Howard sings love themes, Gus asks Edith Prickley out, People's Court (joined in progress), Rev. Gene Filler returns.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

The SCTV office moves into the tallest, thinnest building in Melonville, which turns into a spoof of 'The Towering Inferno' as Guy, Edith, and others are trapped in the 200-story tall building just as a fire breaks out and strands them on the uppers floors. Also, "Peter Pan" starring Divine and David Steinberg. Al Peck sells used fruit. "There's Justice For Everybody" starring Steve Roman. An ad for the Kid Sister Organization. "Monster Chiller Horror Theater." "One On the Town" looks at public transportation. When Wives Look Older Than Their Husbands: Farm Wives. "Let's Find Jerzy." Shakespeare for College Credit. The first "Melonville Calendar," and "Words to Live By" starring Mr. Mambo.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

Guy Caballero and Johnny LaRue come to blows over a meager Christmas bonus, resulting in a busted, drunken Johnny desperately tracking down Santa. Segments include Lola Heatherton's "Love Spirit" Christmas Special. Ed Grimley stars in "The Fella Who Couldn't Wait For Christmas." Rex and Edna Boil's Curio Emporium. Count Floyd's "Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas." The lighting of the Melonville Christmas Tree. The Shmenge brothers explore Leutonian Christmas traditions. "Pre-Teen World Christmas Edition." Bobby Bittman and Jackie Rogers Jr. star in "Christmas - That's All." "You. with Libby Wolfson" looks at Chanukah.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

"The Days of the Week" returns for another six-episode run with a few new characters. The debut of "Half Wits" and "Artisans and Their Art with Bradley P. Allen". A spoof of the 1976 film 'A Star is Born' starring Crystal Gayle as an up-and-coming singer named Esther Blodgett who deals with her alcoholic husband who is past his prime. Finally, Idella Voudry makes her first appearance on "Melonville Calendar."

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

To encourage small business advertising, SCTV cuts its ad rates, resulting in a series of on-the-cheap ads for several micro-entrepreneurs. In the segment "Stars In One" profiles aging child star Rusty Van Reddick. Vic Hedges stars in "Vic Arpeggio, Private Investigator". Steve Roman plugs his Valentine's Day special. Also, a group of philosophers debate whether the animated cartoon 'The Flintstones' was a rip-off of the 1950s sitcom 'The Honeymooners'.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

After discovering that he's opening for Ben Vereen and not the other way around, Bobby Bittman retires from show business. Sammy Maudlin's ex-sidekick, William B. Williams, hosts his own talk show with Irving Cohen. Bernadette Peters gets blown up real good on "Farm Film Celebrity Blow-Up". Also, Episode 9 of "Days of the Week" follows our scandalous characters for more drama. "Sunrise Semester." Finally, Claire Warmel presents "Communicating With Extremities."

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

It's Sweeps Week and SCTV is promoting specials like "Jumping for Dollars", where large busted women jump up and down while Johnny LaRue watches, and "The Dallas Cowgirls Salute Aaron Copland," which is bit more self-explanatory. We also see the preparation for the special "Night of the Prime Time Stars," which is nearly thwarted when a poltergeist haunts the station, kidnapping Ed Grimley and Gus Gustofferson among others. Also, "Days of the Week" Episode 10 continues. Finally, promos for the miniseries "The Long Hard War."

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

William B Williams returns to the Sammy Maudlin Show, the Shmenges host a beauty pageant, and Jackie Rogers Jr plugs his upcoming special, Jackie, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

A set of unconnected sketches featuring many recurring characters, including a new Count Floyd vehicle, 3D Firing Line, which takes a look at Midnight Cowboy II, Ed Grimley in Whatever Happened to Baby Ed, the final episode of The Days of the Week (with cameos by Catherine O'Hara and Carol Burnett), as well as The Fishin' Musician, Stars In One, and perhaps the finest Mel's Rock Pile - the tribute to punk rock. Not a bad way to leave network television.

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

1. Sunrise Semester: Conversational New Yorkese with Norman Gorman 2. Lola Heatherton In Concert 3. Yellowbelly 4. Speaking of Talk with Lou Jaffe 5. Message from Guy: Illegal Aliens 6. Melvin and Howard 7. Sneak Previews: Empires are a Girl's Best Friend 8. The Point Shave and Haircut from Shickette 9. Dick Cavett 10. The Fracases: Southside Fracas 11. Only for Women: Divorce 12. Great White North: Making Doug Go 13. The Babe Ruth Story 14. Sid Dithers Private Eye 15. Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Whispers of the Wolf

Director: John Bell, John Blanchard

Writer: Dave Thomas

1. Message from Guy: Catch Our Stars 2. High Q 3. The Merv Griffin Show: Arafat, Liberace, Ferigno 4. English for Beginners 5. Dr. Benson Credit Psychiatrist 6. Message from Prickley: The New Season 7. Leave It to Beaver 25th Anniversary Party 8. Great White North: The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations 9. Dan Money 10. One On the Town: Levon Helm 11. Message from Hal Waxberg: Behind the Scenes 12. The $Millionaire 13. 20 Depressing Hits by Connie Franklin 14. Message from Guy: Consultant 15. Commercial: Half Legs 16. Masterpiece Theatre: All the Long-Leggedy Beasties 17. Spray-On Socks 18. Play It Again, Bob

Director: John Bell, John Blanchard

Writer: Dave Thomas

1. Comment with David Brinkley: Quality Smoke 2. Cooking with Prickley 3. Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium: Rhythm Ace 4. Career Home Study 5. Mr. Science: Coffee 6. Sammy Maudlin Show: Bob Hope in China 7. Taxi Driver with Woody Allen 8. Transmission Difficulty / Program Change 9. What's My Shoesize? 10. Great White North: Parking at Donut Places 11. Taxi Driver with Gregory Peck 12. Lee A. Iacocca's Rock Concert 13. Extreme Close-Up with Dave Thomas 14. The Man Who Would Be King of the Popes 15. Taxi Driver with Sid Dithers 16. The Love Boat: Deerhunter Special 17. Chet Vet, the Dead Pet Remover 18. My Fair Lady 19. Harlett Romances 20. Mel's Rock Pile: Richard Harris 21. Shock Theatre: Early to Bed

Director: John Bell, John Blanchard

Writer: Dave Thomas

1. 5 Neat Guys: Neatest Hits 2. Tim Ishimuni Show 3. Kwallada 4. Message from Prickley: Polynesiantown 5. SCTV Movie Of the Week: Polynesiantown 6. Larry Siegel Talk Show 7. Indira, live at the Ackron Arena 8. Great White North: Traveling and Salaries 9. Brenda Vaccaro for Bren's Genfem Protecteze Pons 10. Sammy Maudlin Show: Drugs and Hollywood 11. The Rosemans 12. Yuri: Getting to Know You 13. Will: The Movie 14. SCTV British Film Festival: Look Back in a Bloody Rage 15. Gerry Todd Show 16. Crazy Hy's: TVs 17. Incredible Cash Contest 18. Crazy Hy's: Satellite Dishes

Director: John Bell, John Blanchard

Writer: Dave Thomas