Sketches: - Cops - Dream: Bust the queen while drinking tea. - Crushing Hospital: Mr. Tyzik is injured and must undergo physical therapy. - Cops - Dad: Don't love my dad. - Daddy Drank: The story of how daddy drank. - The Leash #1: The slave and master on the street. - Cops - Shelley Long: Enough said. - Knocked Out: A guy knocks himself out. - The Leash #2: Shelly Long. - The Last Straw: Gavin pesters his mother while she's on the phone. - Parenting: Disillusioned parents hold a press conference. - Dead Dad: The Kids discuss beating up their fathers.

Sketches: - Cops - O Canada: Our home and native land. - Trapper: The daily hunt begins. - Cabbage Head - Old Friends: Cabbage Head at it again. - It's Not Working Out #1: Chris is fired. - The Loner: ...And his toe. - It's Not Working Out #2: Chris is fired... again. - Simon & Hecubus: In the Pit of Ultimate Darkness. - It's Not Working Out #3: Chris is fired... one more time. - Girls Of Summer: Coach Buddy does it again.

Sketches: - M. Piedlourde Donne Un Cuop De Pied An Ballon: Speaks for itself. - Scott's Not Gay: Panic! - First Time: Melanie has a date. - Bad News: He's kinda evil. - Poo Guy: Bruce is the Poo Guy - M. Piedlourde A Une Rende-Vous: Speaks for itself. - Victim: A guy who apparently wants to get beaten up. - Night Of The Cow: The story of the Night of the Cow. - M. Piedlourde Sur La Lune: Speaks for itself.

Sketches: Fact #1: Episode 213 - Stars- Bruce - Recurring Characters- It's a Fact Girl - In short- Her uncle Tony can spit really far. Headcrusher - Rival: Episode 217 - Stars- Kevin, Mark - Recurring Characters- Mr. Tyzik aka "The Headcrusher" - In short- There can be only one. Off Swingin': Episode 201 - Stars- n/a - Recurring Characters- n/a - In Short- The most handsome man in the world. Daddy Drank: Episode 209 - Stars- Dave, Kevin - Recurring Characters- n/a - In Short- A story about how Daddy drank. The Affair: Episode 214 - Stars- Bruce, Kevin, Mark, Scott - Recurring Characters- Darrill - In short- Story of the secret affair. Fact #2 - Queen's ABC's: Episode 211 - Stars- Scott - Recurring Characters- It's a Fact Girl, Queen - In short- The Queen sings her ABCs. The Doctor: Episode 201 - Stars- Dave - Recurring Characters- Bad Doctor - In short- He's not boosting, he's just stating a fact. A Little Something: Episode 203 - Stars- Bruce, Scott - Recurring Characters- Don - In short- Executive has cucumber salad on face. Fact #4 - Neighbors: Episode 213 - Stars- n/a - Recurring Characters- It's a Fact Girl - In short- Her neighbors have been in love for forty-five years. First Time: Episode 215 - Stars- Kevin, Mark - Recurring Characters- Melanie - In short- Melanie has her date over in her parent's bedroom. Girls Of Summer: Episode 202 - Stars- Dave, Bruce, Kevin, Mark, Scott - Recurring Characters- Buddy Cole, Shona, Patty - In short- Buddy manages the Sappho Sluggers.

Sketches: Cops - Prisoner: Episode 205 - Stars- Bruce, Mark - Recurring Characters- Cops - In short- Suspect is locked in car. Comfortable: Episode 201 - Stars- Dave, Mark, Kevin, Scott - Recurring Characters- Nina Spudkneeyak, Nina's husband - In short- Nina's husband makes a "pass" at his old friend's wife. Trapper: Episode 202 - Stars- Dave, Mark, Kevin, Scott - Recurring Characters- Francois, Jacques - In short- The French-Canadian trappers who trap businessmen for their suits. Painting A Chair: Episode 207 - Stars- Bruce, Mark - Recurring Characters- Gavin - In Short- There's this guy and he's paintin' a chair. Cops - Shootout: 205 - Stars- Bruce, Mark - Recurring Characters- Cops - In short- A standoff outside a house. Chicken Lady: Episode 205 - Stars- Dave, Mark, Scott - Recurring Characters- Chicken Lady - In short- Man answers her personal ad. Simon & Hecubus: Episode 202 - Stars- Dave, Kevin, Mark - Recurring Characters- Sir Simon Milligan, Hecubus, Satan - In short- Hecubus proves he is impolite and evil; Satan likes the show. Cops - Dad: Episode 209 - Stars- Bruce, Mark - Recurring Characters- Cops - In short- Never told his Dad he loved him. Hazy Movie: Episode 220 - Stars- Dave, Scott - Recurring Characters- Francesca Fiore, Bruno Puntz Jones - In Short- Man in a bar tries to explain a Francesca Fiore movie. Eating In The Shower: Episode 210 - Stars- Kevin - Recurring Characters- n/a - In short- Over the credits, Kevin eats in the shower.

This Season 5 Best-Of Compilation features fan-favorite sketches: God is Dead, Chicken Lady at the Mall, Hillbilly's Problem, The Convenience Store Worker, Meet Your New Male Slave, and Disgusting Old Man.

Sketches: - Spring: What a man likes about spring. - Comfortable: How comfortable are these couples? - Trucker #2: Truck Owner makes a phone call. - Hard Day: An undercover alien overreacts to innocent questions. - Off Swingin': One cool cat. - The Doctor: How far can you coast on just charm? - Bobby & The Devil: Bobby has a guitar fight with Satan.

Sketches: - Cops - Good Cop/Bad Cop: They're getting the hang of it. - Brad & The Phone: A guy calls for phone sex. - Fact #1: Uncle Tony. - Book, Bottle, Blonde: A story of a guy who writes children's books. - Cops - Money: Best thing about being a cop. - Shoes: Evan the intense shoe salesman. - Evil T: Maybe it's the letters? - Fact #5: Bigfoot Singing. - Heckler: Mississippi Gary is heckled. - Fact #4: Neighbors in love. - The Long Note: The Kids visit Bruce as he recovers from his suicide attempt.

Sketches: - Report: A man coughs up the report in a business meeting. - Gandar #1: An attempt at hypnosis. - M. Piedlourde Court Un Marathon: Speaks for itself. - Jazz Music: Bruce hates jazz. - Gandar #2: Hypnosis attempt continued. - Touch Bellini: Announcement of the contest winner. - The Affair: Story of the secret affair. - M. Piedlourde Essait L'Auto: Speaks for itself. - Queen To Queen: Buddy and the Queen's correspondence.

Crazy Dad (KD)-A man tells a story about his dad locking him up for 10 years, but as a cruel joke. Chicken Lady Goes Home (all)-The chicken lady visits her old house (Chicken Lady, Tucker, Bearded Lady) Assistant Fired (MB)-The 45-year-old man fires his assistant (45 guy) Mixed Up Names (DS)-The bad doctor mixes up files at the hospital (bad doctor) 7 Things To Do (KD)-"Gotta keep on top of my life" (Thug a.k.a. Inept Hitman) Interviewing New Assistant (BM)-He doesn't get the job. He slobbered on the guy's joint. (45 year old guy) Hiring Assistant (B)-He finds a new assistant (45 year old guy) Judy & Fran (DBS)-They meet the new widow (Fran, Gordon, Judy)

Receptionist • Walk A Mile In My Shoes • Cops - Rookie Trick Question • A Soulfulness They Never Had • Cops - Rookie Coffee • Answering Machine • Celebrity • Cops - Rookie Puke • Divorce Court

Skits: Fiore Parfums Commercial - Stars- Scott - Recurring Characters- Francesca Fiore - In short- Smell like a bitch. Things To Do - Stars- Dave, Kevin - Recurring Characters- Thug - In Short- He's gotta keep on top of his life and on top of his schedule. Art Collector - Stars- Bruce, Mark - Recurring Characters- Shirling Guy - In short- Man negotiates the price for a piece of "art" to add to his collection. Who's Hot and Who's Not - Stars- Dave, Kevin, Scott - Recurring Characters- Smitty, Butch, Riley - In short- They guy-watch from the steps. Night I Connected With My Dog - Stars- Bruce - Recurring Characters- n/a - In short- Bruce connects with a dog for which he previously felt nothing. The Life of Cyril St. John - Stars- Dave, Kevin, Mark, Scott - Recurring Characters- n/a - In short- A 70s-style documentary on an escape artist. Gay Marriage - Stars- Dave, Kevin, Scott - Recurring Characters- Smitty, Butch, Riley - In short- They

Skits: Inexperienced Cannibal - Stars- Dave, Kevin, Scott - Recurring Characters- n/a - In short- He didn't get on the plane expecting to eat anyone. Try it NOW! - Stars- Kevin, Scott - Recurring Characters- Danny Husk, Danny's Wife - In short- Maybe the uh spark plugs aren't firing. Sock Puppet - Stars- Dave, Scott - Recurring Characters- Jocelyn, Maudre - In Short- It's for nervous johns. Do Re Mi - Stars- Dave, Bruce, Kevin, Mark, Scott - Recurring Characters- n/a - In short- Turning that frown upside down. Anal Probing Aliens - Stars- Dave, Kevin, Mark - Recurring Characters- Tucker - In short- Alien questions the point to his work. Transvestite - Stars- Dave, Scott - Recurring Characters- Jocelyn, Maudre - In short- A man wants to know if Maudre is one. Answering Machine - Stars- Bruce, Kevin - Recurring Characters- n/a - In short- Husband and wife make their answering machine greeting. Chicken Lady Goes Home - Stars- Dave, Bruce,

End of the Beginning (P)(5): Bellini listens to the radio (Paul Bellini) • Armada Grows Old (MBK)(5): Armada sees the future (Armada) • The Sixth Kid (all)(5): Jeff Berman tribute • Buddy's Bar - Closure (S)(5): Buddy closes the bar • On Censorship (KDB)(5): ""recap"" of censored episodes • A.T. Buyout (all)(5): Everyone is fired (Cathy, Kathie, Tanya, Ms. Ferguson, Secretary, A.T. Boss) • Burial (all+P)(5): the boys are buried and Bellini speaks! (Paul Bellini)

Sketches: - Guess Your Weight: Guy who can guess everything but weight. - Go For Guilt: Nena's first date with a guy. - Hustlers - Math Teachers: The message to the old math teachers. - Fag Basher: Leslie saves a guy from some delinquents. - Friendly Rivals: Worker who keeps a list of his office enemies. - Show Within A Show: The Scott Thompson show by Scott Thompson. - Mr. Hugula: A man in restaurant who can't remember who he is. - Housework Hustlers: Men whoring their maid service. - Chocolate: The girls have a get-together. - Eating In The Shower: Credits.

Sketches: - Thousand Dollars: Song in a western bar. - Cops - Towing: Ticketing my car. - Decorator #1: A man gets a demon to brighten up his apartment. - Headcrusher - Rival: A battle to the death. - Shortest: They haven't got a clue. - Bellini Finale: Bellini gets touched. - Cops - Graveyard: First traffic ticket. - Governor: A governor talks with hooker. - Ham Of Truth: It's F-ing good ham. - Decorator #2: Credits

Sketches: - Clandestine Meeting #1: Humanoids for Humanism plan to kill Cabbage Head. - The Letter: A disturbing piece of mail. - Plungers: A man talks about a great plunger salesman. - Clandestine Meeting #2: Cabbage Head is shot! - Fact #7: Aliens - Mr. Pin: Pin waiting in grocery store line impatiently. - Liza's Party: Weston Esterhazy's Hollywood spoon-head movie. - Clandestine Meeting #3: Cabbage Head in Heaven.

Sketches: - The Cure: A man embarrasses his friend at a bar. - Secretaries - Logey: The office is exhausted. - Thirty Second Stories - Tess: Who Built Cars - Directions: A guy who speaks English meets a guy who claims to speak no English. - Excellent Guy - Big Brother: Darryl spends time with his "Little Brother." - Thirty Second Stories - Office Party: Shame! - Taxpayer: A bad sketch is a waste of taxpayer money. - Thirty Second Stories - Fries: The Stones concert. - Into The Doors: A man in record store thinks about getting a Doors album.

Sketches: - Lively Party: A group of people play charades. - Butcher Shop: Gavin prices meat in a butcher shop - Cops - Sexism: Is it real? - Who's To Blame: The boss looks for someone to blame! - Cops - Clouds: What do they look like? - Having Tea: Two destructive guys have a tea party. - Faux Pas:: A man makes inappropriate comments. - Cops - Partners: What happened to them. - Messages: He is the best. - Tube Top Of Justice: What a story. - Hazy Movie: A man in a bar tries to explain a Francesca Fiore movie.

Alan Bouvier • Career Crisis • Nice Day For Work • Hookers - Plastic Surgery • Armada - Understudy • Hookers - Commitment • Lost and Found • Clothesline • Hookers - Too Easy • Comfortable High

The Test-Tube Baby (SD)(5): man complains about being a test-tube baby • Kathie & Dry Cleaner (BMSK)(5): Kathie sleeps with dry cleaner (Kathie, Cathy, Tanya, Secretary, Bigot Cabbie) • Whores (DSK)(5): first timer (Whores, Rudy) • Starving Street Singers (BKM)(5): street singers look for food (Street Singers) • Communist Threat (DK)(5): man talks about the communist threat • Whores (SK)(5): Maudre pretends to be Rudy's wife (Maudre, Rudy) • Man's Girlfriend's Jobs (all)(5): man who wants girlfriends with various jobs

Sketches: - Lady Is A Tramp #1: A man tries to befriend a whore. - Meet The Geralds: Gerald is in a slump - I'm English: Thinks everyone should speak English. - Lady Is A Tramp #2: Man proposes to the Lady. - Painting A Chair: Gavin pesters a guy painting a chair. - The Lack-O-Trust Blues: Philanderer sings a song in a western bar. - Lady Is A Tramp #3: Lady is a Tramp 30 years later.

Sketches: - Fact #2: Beethoven's 5th - That's America: Bruce salutes America. - Prisoner's Jam: A politician judge at a jam-tasting contest. - Fact #3: Queen's ABC's - Cuttin' It Close #1: A guy who watches for tits on TV. - Secret Of Broadway: Girls backstage discuss the new play. - Cuttin' It Close #2: A guy who finally sees some tits on TV. - Hustlers - Richard Nixon: A message to Richard Nixon. - Mispronouncer: This is why some words are spelled FOU-NET-ICK-LY - Fact #3A: Red-headed Witches. - Dead Fish: Guys who hold their arms in a tank of dead fish. - Fact Girl & Queen: Credits.

Sketches: - Cops - Bubble Bath: Disturbing. - How I Sleep: Kevin shows us how he sleeps. - Old Friends: Woman talks about her husband's mistress. - Standing: "Stand in the New Style" hip-hop song. - Vegas: On a faraway planet, son asks his father about the place they call Vegas. - Carpenter: Proof that Jesus was a bad carpenter. - Cops - Daughter: She's so young. - Encounter: The support group for people that won't be tyrannized by their bladders.

Sketches: - One Of These Five Men: Really? - Cincinnati Kid: The Cincinnati Kid looks for the Toronto Kid. - Career Ending #2: Leslie de Gaulle Trio -- anti-Communist folk singers. - Thirty Second Stories - Joe: Magnetic Joe. - No Words: A woman misinterprets an innocent request for the time. - Thirty Second Stories - Dump: Going to the zoo. - Career Ending #1: Woman thanks Hitler. - The Trip: A trip to the farm. - Wild Weekend: Cathy has a scandalous weekend.