Aulus' repulsive right-hand man Grasientus, winner of 'The Ugliest Git in the Empire', falls in love with a beautiful British girl. The problem is Aulus also desires her hand - and other bits as well...

Badvoc attempts to relieve Aulus Paulinus of a priceless ring and use it to exact sexual favours, incurring the wrath of the governor's wife Marcella.

Things are quiet in Chelmsford. Too quiet. Aulus hasn't heard anything of Badvoc for weeks, which can only mean one of two things; either Aulus has gone deaf or Badvoc is up to something.

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Aulus is depressed because Badvoc always runs rings around him. He consults with a psychiatrist and confronts his anger. Badvoc is arrested and sentenced to death. Aulus eventually relents but Badvoc convinces him to go ahead with the sentence.

A great heatwave hits Chelmsford, giving the Romans an opportunity for to top up their tans and Britons to die of thirst. It gets so bad that Badvoc has to cancel his annual bath.

Aulus' priceless statue of the heavenly twins is stolen by Badvoc. Confusion arises when he tries to get it back...