A touring USO show brings an unexpected touch of vaudeville to the 4077th when the star showgirl requires an emergency operation. And wouldn't you know, the comedian is Klinger's hero!

Hawkeye is outraged when a sensationalistic war correspondent, Clayton Kibbee, reports irresponsible G.I. stunts as tales of military valor. Kibbee: "As for the last two pints of blood, there's no big finale, no heroes. They helped an old soldier, who'd had visions of glory but finally got it through his thick head how tragic and inhumane war can be. Maybe he'll know better next time."

Hawkeye is injured in a jeep accident and, aware he has a concussion, babbles to a Korean family to keep himself awake.

The nurses go to extremes lengths to find a date for Nurse Eddie - they won't go out with anyone until Eddie gets a date. The men draw straws, and Hawkeye is the big loser, especially after Eddie nearly kills him in a scene resembling teenage "mating" rituals.

B.J. falls off the fidelity wagon while trying to provide consolation to a nurse whose marriage has just ended. But will he confess his infidelity to his wife?

The latest scuttlebutt affects everyone's behavior when a visitor is rumored to be recruiting for a new M*A*S*H unit. The gang fears that the 4077th will be split up.

Hawkeye writes a heartfelt letter to President Harry Truman to protest at the continued fighting in Korea. Meanwhile, Colonel Ditka has promised a much-needed water-heater if the 4077th beautifies the camp.

Winchester infuriates the camp when he hoards his stateside newspapers, and Hawkeye reunites two Korean brothers who have been fighting on opposite sides of the war.

The military police think they've solved a rash of thefts at the 4077th when they apprehend Klinger with Hawkeye's stolen camera.

Margaret's birthday plans are spoiled when she and Klinger get stranded on a desolate roadside. Meanwhile, Charles gives a lecture for Margaret, and the surgeons assist in the delivery of a calf.

An AWOL soldier, Nick Gillis, seeks sanctuary in the mess tent, after Father Mulcahy's service. At the same time, a special Sunday brunch is due to be served, following the donation of some eggs to the camp by a grateful farmer.

Hawkeye is the golden boy of the world press when he treats a celebrity prizefighter, 'Gentleman' Joe Cavanaugh, who has a stroke at the 4077th. Father Mulcahy finds the news hard to take, as Cavanaugh was a hero of his.

To save the life of an elderly local who rejects an operation because he believes bad spirits surround the 4077th, Colonel Potter permits a Korean exorcism.

Newscaster Clete Roberts, reprising an earlier interview appearance, returns to update Korean War conditions, when he conducts a series of television talks with the leading characters of the 4077th.

The 4077th faces a sleepless night as Charles's snoring keeps B.J. and Hawkeye from counting sheep. Meanwhile, Colonel Potter discovers that his son-in-law, Bob Wilson, has had an affair.

Captain Kaplan is to be shipped home, but becomes paranoid that something will happen to him before he leaves. He takes the wheel of the jeep to drive to Kimpo himself, but crashes and ends up in plaster. Henry's wife is in labor and gives birth while he has Radar calling the hospital every 5 mins.An entertainer, Jackie Flash, visits the camp to entertain the troops.

A brawl at Rosie's Bar puts Rosie in the hospital, and the 4077th doctors are pressed into service as temporary saloon-keepers. Meanwhile, Father Mulcahy is apprehensive that his long-pending promotion to captain will again be denied. Potter: "The Pentagon. Weird looking building. Four walls and a spare. Monument to Murphy's Law."

Friction arises between B.J. and Winchester when they are asked to write an article for a prestigious medical journal, on how they saved a soldier's life with a daring operation. Meanwhile, Hot Lips receives an eventful visit from Scully, her combat soldier beau.

Hawkeye uses a bottle of vintage wine to lure unsuspecting nurses into his den; and Potter tries to secure a different sort of anesthetic when the army threatens to ban a painkiller.

With the camp facing prohibition, and a severe medical supply shortage, during another heat wave, Hawkeye resolves to lift morale by importing a racy new movie.

Radar gets a Dear John recording from home. Hawkeye and Trapper try to set him up with a date, but fail. Radar is taken by a new nurse at the camp and she is into poetry and music, so they coach him. Margaret wants to stop the relationship, so Hawkeye and Trapper get between her and Frank until she relents. Radar's "Ahhhh, Bach!" and "That's highly significant," quotes win him the girl.

Hawkeye and Trapper prevent a GI from marrying a call girl who has TB, whilst trying to help a Korean soldier join his pregnant wife. Radar, of course, provides his usual invaluable help.

Hawkeye tangles with a tough Army colonel, Colonel Spiker, B.J. helps Zale, who's received a "Dear John" letter, and Frank looks endlessly for Korean saboteurs.

B.J. almost becomes the surrogate father to a Korean family. Finding them a substitute for his own absent family, B.J. spends so much time with them that his medical efficiency begins to suffer, and Hawkeye worries about his health. B.J.: "First they take me from my wife and kid, and just when I find something to help fill the gap, they take that away, too."

The impossible happens for the snobbish Charles when he shares an emotional experience with Klinger, who discovers a U.S. nurse, Debbie, finds him and his bizarre attire attractive, while Charles succumbs to the exotic charms of a Korean girl, called Sooni, who he meets at Rosie's Bar.