The Worst Episodes of Payne

Episode Rankings

1. #1 Worst Episode
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   #1 - The J. Edgar Hoover Pin Story

   S1:E13/15/1999

   Royal panics when he realizes he forgot to buy an anniversary present for his wife, Connie. Breeze saves the day when she finds a pricey antique pin left behind by a guest, and Connie is thrilled with her gift. Royal is also ecstatic since he didn't have to spend a cent on it -- until the frantic guest returns to Whispering Pines offering a $1,000 reward for the heirloom. Royal can't resist stealing the ""gift"" back from Connie in order to collect the money but then finds himself setting up his own reward fund when Connie discovers that her new pin is missing.

   Director:Dorothy Lyman

   Writer:Gail Parent

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   Director:Dorothy Lyman

   Writer:Gail Parent
2. 

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   #2 - Sexual Intercom

   S1:E23/17/1999

   The Whispering Pines' new telephone system has an added feature that Royal and Connie unexpectedly discover -- an intercom that allows them to listen in on the guests' conversations. Connie is thrilled to discover this new form of entertainment, and Royal decides to ""use the power for good"" -- satisfying their guests' requests before the requests are made -- a plan that inevitably catches Payne with his pants down.

   Director:Michael Zinberg

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:Michael Zinberg

   Writer:Unknown
3. 

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   #3 - Whatever Happened to Baby Payne?

   S1:E33/24/1999

   A representative from Family Friendly Travel pays a visit to evaluate Whispering Pines, and Royal attempts to dupe her into believing that the inn is a wholesome establishment. Unfortunately, Royal is busy trying to dupe the Family Friendly woman during a week in which the inn is coping with a cross-dressing guest and a lost child.

   Director:John Rich

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:John Rich

   Writer:Unknown
4. 

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   #4 - Gossip Checks In and a Cat Checks Out

   S1:E43/31/1999

   Livid about Connie's continual barrage of banal banter with anyone who'll listen to her, Royal attempts to prove that he's above all the gossip. However, when a mysterious guest checks in, it's Royal who is falling all over himself -- literally -- to learn ""her story.""

   Director:John Pasquin

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:John Pasquin

   Writer:Unknown
5. 

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   #5 - Pacific Ocean Duck

   S1:E54/7/1999

   Royal laments the quality of his clientele. He longs to play host to presidents and kings but rather he gets blue collar families and philandering husbands with their mistresses. His ire is piqued when he learns that his competition, the Sand Dune, has received two stars in the Mobile guide while Whispering Pines wasn't even ranked. Royal resolves to put Whispering Pines on the map by adding a ""gourmet night"" to the hotel's attractions. After he accuses the Mobile Guide critic of being a tart and comes to believe that his four-star chef has expired, it begins to look as though success is not on the menu.

   Director:Andrew D. Weyman

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:Andrew D. Weyman

   Writer:Unknown
6. 

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   #6 - Trouble in Room 206

   S1:E64/14/1999

   Payne gets himself into trouble when he rents a room -- already occupied -- to a young couple desperate to be together. Payne is forced to evict the young couple when the original guests return earlier than expected -- but finds that it's not so easy. He seems to be stuck with them.

   Director:John Rich

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:John Rich

   Writer:Unknown
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   #7 - I Never Forget a Face-Lift

   S1:E74/21/1999

   When a bandaged woman recovering from a face-lift mistakes Whispering Pines for the luxurious Sand Dunes Inn down the street, Royal has her check in and lets her continue with her false assumption. Figuring the woman will have bandages over her eyes during the recovery process, Royal has Mo play nursemaid to her. The situation becomes tricky, however, when the guest's husband shows up looking for her.

   Director:Craig Zisk

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:Craig Zisk

   Writer:Unknown
8. 

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   #8 - Wedding Fever

   S1:E84/28/1999

   Royal, who is hosting an expensive wedding at Whispering Pines, begins to panic when the father of the bride won't pay until after the ceremony. Determined that the wedding will go smoothly, Royal is frantic when he discovers that Breeze and the groom have the hots for each other, and desperately attempts to intervene -- which leads to disastrous results.

   Director:Dorothy Lyman

   Writer:Unknown

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   Director:Dorothy Lyman

   Writer:Unknown