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The Best Episodes of Son of the Beach

Every episode of Son of the Beach ranked from best to worst. Let's dive into the Best Episodes of Son of the Beach!

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A parody of "Baywatch" featuring Malibu Adjacent's Notch Johnson, the world's greatest lifeguard (hardly), and his unit SPF-30.

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
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    Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 13 - Mario Putzo's... The Last Dong
    7.5/10(41 votes)

    #1 - Mario Putzo's... The Last Dong

    S1:E13

    Vinnie Fellachio returns to terrorizes the beach. Chip's sister, Ava Rommel visits him, and puts the moves on B.J.

    Director:Unknown
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  2. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 2 - Silence of the Clams
    7.4/10(49 votes)

    #2 - Silence of the Clams

    S1:E2

    A unpopular girl, doesn't have a date for ""Clamapolooza"" in a end party for the college students spring break. She starts to polute the beach to close this event.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  3. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 12 - Attack of the Cocktopuss
    7.4/10(46 votes)

    #3 - Attack of the Cocktopuss

    S1:E12

    When the Cocktopuss sets shores on the beach, the mayor wants it as another wonder of the world. Chip sings for a rock band.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  4. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 4 - Rod Strikes Back
    7.4/10(39 votes)

    #4 - Rod Strikes Back

    S2:E4

    Rod returns and wants his revenge on everyone, Especially for B.J.; Chip's dog ""shitsu"" (sp?) arrives at Malibu Adjacent and challenges Steve.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  5. Son of the Beach Season 3 Episode 14 - Bad News, Mr. Johnson (3)
    7.4/10(39 votes)

    #5 - Bad News, Mr. Johnson (3)

    S3:E14

    ""Master of disguise"" Notch Johnson is on the run and he spends some time hiding out at Aunt Jizzy's, where he learns that Kooze and Harry have conspired to move up Harry and Kimberlee's wedding date to the next day. Kooze knows Notch will come when he hears this news and he plans to assassinate him at the wedding. Chip finds out he's in imminent danger of being deported. To avoid this, he convinces a reluctant Jamaica to marry him, which is a great shock to his ""Mootie"" and ""Poopie"" when they arrive for the wedding. Porcelain has now come up with a plan to seduce Nick Jr. into marriage so she can get her hands on the Pappasmearos fortune, so it looks like there's going to be a triple wedding at Malibu Adjacent. Notch sneaks into the SPF-30 headquaters looking for evidence against Kooze, but while he's looking, B.J. goes into labor. Notch helps to deliver her baby, after which the surprise identity of the father is revealed.

    Director:Tim Andrew
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  6. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 1 - With Sex You Get Eggroll
    7.3/10(57 votes)

    #6 - With Sex You Get Eggroll

    S1:E1

    The Mayor wants Head Lifeguard Notch Johnson out of Malibu Adjacent, and she's recruited Kimberlee Clark to join his squad and get the low-down on him by wearing a mini-camera. She thinks that her work is done when Notch decides to bust enslaved girls from a whore house from the inside, by posing as a customer. If the slavers don't get Notch, the Mayor's video will. Or will Kimberlee help Notch to save the day?

    Director:Unknown
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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    The 20 WORST Episodes of Son of the Beach

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  7. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 3 - In the G-Hetto
    7.3/10(41 votes)

    #7 - In the G-Hetto

    S1:E3

    When Jamaica is blackmailed into running drugs for a gangsta, Notch insists upon taking her place as the "mule". After all, who else can swallow 13 cocaine-filled condoms and then swim two miles? Also, Chip enters the Mr. Pec pageant. The Mayor's a judge, and she's got a guaranteed way for Chip to win.

    Director:Unknown
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  8. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 5 - Two Thongs Don't Make a Right
    7.3/10(42 votes)

    #8 - Two Thongs Don't Make a Right

    S1:E5

    When Little Peter Gozinya disappears on the beach, Notch and the gang mobilize to find him. And also mobilize to repeal the Mayor's ban on thong bikinis. Which effort will prove successful?

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  9. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 8 - Miso Honei
    7.3/10(43 votes)

    #9 - Miso Honei

    S1:E8

    When the world's most dangerous tsunami, Miso Honei, is detected rushing at Malibu Adjacent, the Mayor senses a media event and tries to get Notch to surf it. He refuses until the Mayor grants a parole to the only other surfer capable of surviving the wave, Adolf Manson. Manson's bad boy image wows Malibu Adjacent's impressionable children. Will Notch jump on Miso Honei for the kids and ride it safely to shore? Also, Chip and B.J. fall in love and decide to quit the force.

    Director:Gloria Muzio
    Writer:Unknown

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  10. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 11 - A Star Is Boned
    7.3/10(40 votes)

    #10 - A Star Is Boned

    S1:E11

    The glamour of Hollywood is hitting the beaches of Malibu Adjacent: the fabulous stars, the adoring crowds, the death threats. Notch Johnson joins the case when actress Regina Streep is almost killed on his beach. Can Notch find the assailant before they grab Regina? Also, Jamaica runs a bachelor auction.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  11. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 4 - Love, Native American Style
    7.2/10(42 votes)

    #11 - Love, Native American Style

    S1:E4

    Notch is distraught when his step-father, local Indian Chief Pokemon, passes on, and a local casino developer convinces the Kahonee Tribe to construct a casino on their land. Although the deal's crooked, Notch is no Indian giver, and he seeks a legal way to halt construction. Also, Chip's South American relatives need money, so Chip moonlights as a male stripper.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writer:Unknown

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  12. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 9 - South of Her Border
    7.2/10(46 votes)

    #12 - South of Her Border

    S1:E9

    When Notch and the girls travel to the South American nation of Humidor to stop a military coup, they end up in prison instead. The shackles aren't so bad, but the all-bean diet? Ai, ai, ai. Can they escape in time to stop the coup? While the others are gone, Chip runs a junior lifeguard program.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  13. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 8 - A Tale of Two Johnsons
    7.2/10(35 votes)

    #13 - A Tale of Two Johnsons

    S2:E8

    When an evil crime syndicate clones an operative to look like Notch, the Gang is suddenly seeing double. The real Notch Johnson must stop ""Evil Notch"" from wreaking havoc in Malibu Adjacent. Can Notch beat himself? Also, Kimberlee's old boyfriend, a musician, comes to town and tries to get Kimberlee to come back to him.

    Director:John Putch
    Writers:Joe Port, Joe Wiseman

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  14. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 9 - It's a Nude, Nude, Nude, Nude World
    7.2/10(29 votes)

    #14 - It's a Nude, Nude, Nude, Nude World

    S2:E9

    The Nude-lympics come to Malibu Adjacent, and someone is killing beautiful, naked women because he feels they are 'Dirty'. Mayor Anita wants to cover up the story, but SPF-30 is at work cracking the case. Kimberlee lands a date with the murderer unaware until he arrives to pick her up that he is the killer of all the women. While on her date, Kimberlee makes a private call to Notch telling him that she is with him but the killer finds out and then tries to kill Kimberlee until Notch and the gang come along to save her.

    Director:Tim Andrew
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  15. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 7 - Eat My Muffin
    7.1/10(41 votes)

    #15 - Eat My Muffin

    S1:E7

    When BJ muffs a save, she goes into an identity crisis and ends up in the care of The Divine Rod, who runs a home for lost women. And runs a web-site where people pay to watch the women, and Rod, um, ""treating"" them. Under Notch's direction, Kimberlee infiltrates the cult and snatches it's secret: psychotropic-drug-laced bran muffins. Realizing that BJ is under someone else's control, the bran muffins move Notch into action. Meanwhile, the Tetherball Invitational Tournament is in town, and the Mayor's bet that the gang can win.

    Director:Unknown
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  16. Son of the Beach Season 1 Episode 10 - Day of the Jackass
    7.1/10(37 votes)

    #16 - Day of the Jackass

    S1:E10

    Malibu Adjacent is hosting a peace conference between China and Africa, and Notch has been banned from attending. That would be no problem, except Notch's old Army Secret Ops buddy, Captain ""Buck"" Enteneille has shown up and wants to go. It's even more of a problem when Notch sees him going anyway, with a sniper rifle. Can Notch stop Enteneille from ruining the conference, and still keep his friendship with Buck? Tune in. Also, Jamaica falls in love with an African prince.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  17. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 5 - Queefer Madness
    7.1/10(41 votes)

    #17 - Queefer Madness

    S2:E5

    The beach is terrorized by a gang of bad boys.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  18. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 15 - Booger Nights
    7.1/10(28 votes)

    #18 - Booger Nights

    S2:E15

    Quotes: Notch: ""Here's a picture of my head. And here's a picture of my face.""

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:James R. Stein, Timothy Stack

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  19. Son of the Beach Season 3 Episode 9 - Godfather Knows Best
    7.1/10(29 votes)

    #19 - Godfather Knows Best

    S3:E9

    Jamaica is shocked when Vinnie Fellachio claims to be the father she has never known.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writer:Unknown

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  20. Son of the Beach Season 3 Episode 13 - Jailhouse Notch (2)
    7.1/10(34 votes)

    #20 - Jailhouse Notch (2)

    S3:E13

    Notch is convicted of the war crime and goes to jail, where he meets all sorts of unsavory characters, but soon he breaks out and begins his search for Colonel Kooze so he can clear his name. But there are some surprises back at Malibu Adjacent. Notch's brother Harry is working for Kooze, and part of their evil plan is for Harry to court and propose marriage to Kimberlee. Kimberlee falls for it and accepts Harry's proposal. Meanwhile a court rules against Porcelain and her claim on ""Snuggles'"" will, with the result being that she's now homeless.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writer:Unknown

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  21. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 2 - From Russia with Johnson
    7.0/10(36 votes)

    #21 - From Russia with Johnson

    S2:E2

    Notch and his unit must stop a Russian terrorist.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:Joe Port, Joe Wiseman

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  22. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 6 - Light My Firebush
    7.0/10(37 votes)

    #22 - Light My Firebush

    S2:E6

    Notch hires his half Indian sister as a life guard and uses savages techniques to help the beach. B.J. is reunited with her mother Ima Cummings. But her (step) daddy butts in her life and threatens B.J. and Ima's lives.

    Director:Tim Andrew
    Writers:Joe Port, Joe Wiseman

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  23. Son of the Beach Season 2 Episode 13 - Grand Prix
    7.0/10(33 votes)

    #23 - Grand Prix

    S2:E13

    Notch must defend the honor of America in a three-quarter midget car race vs. a man from France. The Frenchman, who goes by the nickname ""The Frenchman"", is married to Notch's old flame, a beautiful French maiden named Nicorette. After her reappearance on the scene, Notch realizes she's a hard habit to break. Meanwhile, B.J. and Jamiaca help save a lesbian bar from going under.

    Director:Scott McAboy
    Writers:Joe Port, Joe Wiseman

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  24. Son of the Beach Season 3 Episode 10 - Empty the Dragon
    7.0/10(32 votes)

    #24 - Empty the Dragon

    S3:E10

    Notch travels to Japan with Kimberlee, Chip and Porcelain for the Nagasaki Fried Chicken (NFC) Karaoke Championships. To Porcelain's dismay, the blonde Kimberlee gets all the attention from the press. Notch gets involved with Binaka, whose crazed vegetarian father has concocted a formula that turns a chicken into a giant beast which is rampaging through Tokyo. The giant chicken captures Kimberlee and things look grim when the Japanese troops prepare to blast the big animal, but Notch comes to the rescue. Also, Chip visits a geisha house, where he gets a big, unexpected surprise.

    Director:Tim Andrew
    Writer:Unknown

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  25. Son of the Beach Season 3 Episode 12 - Taco Lips Now (1)
    7.0/10(33 votes)

    #25 - Taco Lips Now (1)

    S3:E12

    In a flashback to Notch's war days, we see how his commanding officer Colonel Kooze ""improperly disposed of"" the village of Tam Pon. Kooze implores Notch to ""never tell"" about this atrocity. Later Notch sees the guilty colonel hanging from a tree, having apparently commited suicide. Back in the present, Notch's brother Harry Johnson has arrived at Malibu Adjacent. His secret past begins to catch up with Notch, and he is questioned by reporters about the incident at Tam Pon. This leads to his arrest, and as he's being taken into custody, Notch can hardly believe his eyes--in the distance he sees Col. Kooze! Also, Porcelain marries the decrepit old multi-millionaire Nick ""Snuggles"" Pappasmearos so she can inherit his money, but she'll have to contend with his family, including Nick Jr.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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Best Episodes Summary

"Mario Putzo's... The Last Dong" is the best rated episode of "Son of the Beach". It scored 7.5/10 based on 41 votes. Directed by Unknown and written by James R. Stein, Timothy Stack, it aired on 9/12/2000. This episode scored 0.1 points higher than the second highest rated, "Silence of the Clams".