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Mrs. Thatcher confesses her true feeling to Ronald Reagan, whilst yet another ITV Telethon tries it's best but fails miserably. Alan Bennett attempts to get Richard Attenborough interested in his new play about an old lady from Huddersfield who can't open a packet of biscuits. Dickie's not sold on the idea.

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Edwina Currie vents her spleen on the state of the National Health Service. Singer Bryan Ferry tries to release a new album but finds opposition from his record company, while Des Lynam hosts the 1986 World Chess Campionships and Paul Daniels seeks the path to enlightenment.

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When a Cherubic urchin gets an unfortunate visitation from the Tooth Fairy, the BBC News gets a revamp with Marcel Marceau reporting live from Northern Ireland. A bunch of professional cockneys show off their new long-playing record and Jeffrey Archer appears on Mastermind - his special subject; Jeffrey Archer.

Points of View is taken to task for a continuity error made during the transmission of some hard-core porn, Neil Kinnock takes on a true Mission Impossible - turning the Labour Party into an electable force by 1992 - and Bros are shocked to find that they've just gone out of fashion.

In an attempt to capture the Green Vote the entire cabinet has grown beards, including Mrs. Thatcher. Sycophancy runs riot during the Royal Variety Show which, this year, celebrates 'Prince Edward - One Year in Showbusiness'. Donald Sinden personally introduces its highlight - Ben Elton taking a brisk trot through history as The Fool.

Jimmy Greaves' concerns about hooliganism at Wimbledon are laid to rest, while Esther Rantzen has a bit of a shock when she meets a dog that refuses to say 'sausages'. While the truth about Kennedy's assasination still refuses to come out, Pavarotti gives a star turn at 'the Last Night Of The Yobs'.

Prince William's plan to remove all obstacles between himself and the throne continues apace. Snooker champion Steve Davis bemoans his lack of a nickname and comes up with something altogether more 'interesting'...

While the Cabinet celebrates Michael Heseltine's resignation, Prince Philip wastes his time trying to teach his son how to play Colditz. Ronald Reagan's diary tells the inside story on the presidency, and celebrities band together for another charity songbecause they are scared of Bob Geldof.

Brucie has isues with Tarby's new material when he discovers that it's just a potato. Andy and Fergie become concerned when Billy Connolly helps to write the Queen's Christmas Message. The press react with predictability when Sooty is put in charge of the NCB.

Prince Philip grumbles that not only are his quotes being taken out of context, but that he's also expected to eat dog sick. Actor Leslie Grantham finds it hard to catcha cab, while things don't go to plan when the Penns and the McEnroes have dinner together.

While Sir Alastair fawns lyrical, he is taken to task for not using enough superlatives. Paul Daniels helps 'Eastenders' become Britain's favourite programme, while Mr. Beezlebub gets a surpise visit from Margaret Thatcher.

Norman Tebbit ensures that the Government gets unbiased news coverage by doing it all himself. Brucie Forsyth tries to get his toupee past Customs and the Two Davids get a visit from the Ghost of the Liberal Party Past.

Sir David Attenborough has a philosophical discussion with a suicidal seal. Leon Brittan discusses the possible repercussions of being outed as a mole and Brian Walden discovers that you can't put a better bit of Botha on your knife.

As Liz Taylor explodes, Donald Sinden tries his best to sell the viewing public a nice cup of Reptiles Bland Blend Coffee. Sir John Geilgud reads another excerpt from the Booker Prize winning 'The A Team' (in the original Latin).

The magician Paul Daniels chances his arm by hosting the brand new quiz show 'Block Your Odd Bob Mr. Name That Priceslines 2-1'. The world of theatrical luvvies goes into overdrive when they find out that one of their number has died. Unfortunately, they don't know which one...

The Royal Family frantically band together when they discover that one of Diana's hairs is out of place. As Conan the Stamp Collector struts his stuff, Denis Norden finds out how funny he really is when he falls victim to Jeremy Beadle in 'Game for a naff'.

Michael Grade of Channel 4 Television is under attack from the advertising menace that is 'Saatchi and Saatchi'. Mystery abounds when eight 'complete strangers' are brought together at Vincent Price's spooky mansion. Unfortunately, his logic for doing so doesn't bear close inspection.