While Ronald Reagan loses a debate to a cheese sandwich, Robert Maxwell ponders the content of tomorrow's newspapers. The Royal Family decide long and hard on a name for the new baby, but one of their number hides a dark secret...

Prince Williams devious machinations continue, while Barry Norman takes time out to interview Dustin Hoffman in his starring role as The Lettuce. The Cabinet struggle to find a response to the latest piece of news when they find all the best answers have already been used.

As Liz Taylor explodes, Donald Sinden tries his best to sell the viewing public a nice cup of Reptiles Bland Blend Coffee. Sir John Geilgud reads another excerpt from the Booker Prize winning 'The A Team' (in the original Latin).

Prince William's plan to remove all obstacles between himself and the throne continues apace. Snooker champion Steve Davis bemoans his lack of a nickname and comes up with something altogether more 'interesting'...

It's Rubinovski and Franks - the new crimefighting duo starring a sheep and an anteater - and woe betide the lawbreaker who gets in their way! Meanwhile, the pound sterling is in freefall and so is the Chancellor!

Russian Prime Minister Gorbachev proves beyond a doubt he;s the grooviest Russian premier in history. Meanwhile, Jim Callaghan states publicly that, being a pedigree wolverine breeder, he would feed them nothing other than new Chunky Lumps.

The magician Paul Daniels chances his arm by hosting the brand new quiz show 'Block Your Odd Bob Mr. Name That Priceslines 2-1'. The world of theatrical luvvies goes into overdrive when they find out that one of their number has died. Unfortunately, they don't know which one...

The Royal Family frantically band together when they discover that one of Diana's hairs is out of place. As Conan the Stamp Collector struts his stuff, Denis Norden finds out how funny he really is when he falls victim to Jeremy Beadle in 'Game for a naff'.

Michael Grade of Channel 4 Television is under attack from the advertising menace that is 'Saatchi and Saatchi'. Mystery abounds when eight 'complete strangers' are brought together at Vincent Price's spooky mansion. Unfortunately, his logic for doing so doesn't bear close inspection.

Prince Charles receives a vegetable related epiphany when his food embroils him in a heated dialogue. Horse racing jockey Lester Pigott's horse tries to convince him that he really ought to be retired and put out to the stud farm.

Enjoying a quiet drink with Saint and Greavsie, Dustin Hoffman realises that he's surrounded by every racial and social stereotype imaginable. There is only one possible explanation - they're all stuck in a Disaster Movie!

While the Cabinet celebrates Michael Heseltine's resignation, Prince Philip wastes his time trying to teach his son how to play Colditz. Ronald Reagan's diary tells the inside story on the presidency, and celebrities band together for another charity songbecause they are scared of Bob Geldof.

Prince Andrew's in trouble wih his Pa for the size of his unmentionables. Terry Wogan chooses Sooty as his holiday replacement while Margaret Thatcher works on a new softer image. Derek Jameson gor-blimeys his way through another horrible programme.

Sir David Attenborough has a philosophical discussion with a suicidal seal. Leon Brittan discusses the possible repercussions of being outed as a mole and Brian Walden discovers that you can't put a better bit of Botha on your knife.

Desmond Wilcox's new intrusive, fly-on-the-wall documentary comes to grief when the happy couple refuse to watch 'That's Life!'. Sir Alistair Burnet almost come to blows with John Craven when 'News At Ten' doesn't have a funny story to end the show.

Arthur Daley has to bow out of Thatcher's service because he's just not sleazy enough. Jim Callaghan shows the best way to grow your money, while the Shadow Cabinet break into Number 10 and the Queen Mother buys a new titfer (hat).

Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson (Fergie), try to sort out their wedding plans, while a brand new song about holding chickens aloft gets it's first airing. The Who discover that they are no longer the voice of urban youth, and Prince Charles meets up with a cheeky Cockney chappie.

Ian Paisley indulges in a bit of shouting while Larry gives Johnny advice on ducks. A political dinosaur ponders wistfully on the lack of values in modern-day society. Frank Muir threatens to strangle Denis Norden again.

President Botha gives his country The Facts as he sees them, while some unsuspecting Mormons pay a visit to Cliff Richard's house. Barry Norman discovers that Meryl Streep is actually Dustin Hoffman, who wants to be both the greatest actor and greatest actress.

Ronald Reagan confides to Nancy his idea for finishing off Gadaffi. Mick and Keith indulge in a bit of shopping and Andrew Ridgeley from pop group Wham!, tries for a solo career. Bernard Levin encourages Jonathan Miller to call him Ishamel.

Michael Foot sends the rest of the Shadow Cabinet to sleepybobos. Tarby interviews Michael Caine about some of his favourite cheques and Russell Harty gets a bit flustered whilst interviewing 'The Sun's' page three pinup Samantha Fox. Ronald Reagan employs the Four Larrys of the Apocalypse as new advisors.

The latest edition of 'Potato World' is interrupted with the breaking news that no nuclear accidents have happened at Chernobyl. The Royal Family indulge in a bit of a sing-song for a new album, while David Owen takes the SDP back to the shop as he believes it may well have ceased to be.

David Coleman introduces the Euro Winkle Championships while Cliff frowns on Mrs. Whitehouse's non-virginal status. Margaret Thatcher causes consternation amongst her Cabinet when she discusses the subject of her successor.

Brucie has isues with Tarby's new material when he discovers that it's just a potato. Andy and Fergie become concerned when Billy Connolly helps to write the Queen's Christmas Message. The press react with predictability when Sooty is put in charge of the NCB.

Edwina Currie vents her spleen on the state of the National Health Service. Singer Bryan Ferry tries to release a new album but finds opposition from his record company, while Des Lynam hosts the 1986 World Chess Campionships and Paul Daniels seeks the path to enlightenment.