Simon’s life is a tragedy. He’s attracted to his dad’s fiancée, the stripper he just slept with is actually a real policewoman, and Jenny is livid after he told the students her lessons were boring.

Susan’s convinced Simon has a thing for women with authority. He’s determined to prove her wrong, even though his new policewoman girlfriend Maggie is coming into the school to talk about drugs.

Maggie’s upset that Simon was clearly so embarrassed of her when she met his friends, so she stops returning his calls. Brian and Kurt let Simon move into their flat, which is a relief. At first ….

Simon’s terrified his sex life is deteriorating when he and Maggie go for a few days without any action, and he feels intimidated when he finds out she’s had sex in all sorts of interesting places.

The students lock Simon and Jenny in the stationery cupboard, where sexual tension gets the better of them. Spurred on by guilt, Simon moves in with Maggie and they throw a housewarming party.

It’s open evening, and Susan’s husband turns up angrily demanding she accompany him to his work dinner. When she storms off, everyone thinks she’s had some kind of nervous breakdown.

Pornography with teachers’ faces superimposed on it has been doing the rounds, including a delightful depiction of Simon and Bob together. And Simon has to handle a female student's chest complaint.

Simon has his big interview, and finds out if he can keep his job. Liz can’t wait to tell everyone about Kurt’s secret relationship with Carol. And Jenny and Simon finally admit to their feelings.

It’s a new term. Simon mistakes new languages tutor J.P. for a sixth former, and buxom newcomer Penny receives a lot of attention from the men. Recently divorced Susan turns on the charms with J.P.

Carol continues to pursue Kurt, even though he insists their relationship is over and tries to convince her that Penny is his new girlfriend. Meanwhile, Bob tells Simon he hasn’t had sex for 23 years.

Jenny’s house-shaking romping with her new boyfriend Alec is driving Susan crazy, so she agrees to get a flat with Simon. And then Brian and Kurt convince Simon that he fancies her.

When J.P. comes out to the rest of the teachers, Simon, Kurt and Susan begin a campaign of wind-ups against Brian. But with J.P.’s help, Brian finds a way to get his own back.

Susan drags the others over to the house to prove how annoying Jenny’s boyfriend is. Brian and Kurt are confused when J.P. spends the night with a girl.

A delusional Bob manages to convince himself that Penny fancies him. This spurs him into undergoing a ridiculous fitness regime, which soon results in total collapse. Is this the end of Bob?

When a former student brings her baby into school to illustrate the hardships of motherhood, Susan ends up desperate for a child of her own. She doesn’t need a father, just good genetic material.

Jenny decides it’s time to finish with Alec; she just needs to work out how. Meanwhile, Simon shocks everyone by announcing he’s going to quit his job and fly to South America—on Saturday.

Having split up with Alec, Jenny’s going through a hedonistic phase—much to Brian and Kurt’s delight as she keeps buying all the drinks.

Penny takes a shine to Simon’s replacement Matt because he’s the only person who talks to her. And Kurt wonders if he made a mistake splitting up with Carol.

A new term and a new teacher, in the (rather large) shape of Lindsay. She can outdrink the boys, and Brian in particular thinks she’s brilliant, until Kurt convinces him that she fancies him.

Penny’s self-obsession and self-pity have reached such dizzying new heights that she’s driving everyone insane. Bored to tears with her moaning, Lindsay finally cracks.

Kurt thinks his luck with the ladies is changing. At parents’ evening he meets a woman he reckons he has a good chance of pulling. As usual, however, his judgement in these matters isn’t perfect.

Bobs wife throws him out of the house and moves her boyfriend in. For the first time, Liz takes pity on this dishevelled wreck. But a combination of pity and alcohol can have surprising results.

Lindsay is about to turn 30, which is fine, until everyone points out that 30 is very old. What’s the best way to handle being 30? Grow old with grace and start acting your age, or the exact opposite?

Half the staff are off with stress, leaving the other half even more stressed. In a desperate bid to relieve the pressure, Clare assigns them all a stress partner, which proves very stressful.

There’s something disturbing in the air. A stranger, with a sinister beard, is lurking by the perimeter fence. But it turns out that he’s not so strange after all.