I have been asked to tell you a bit about tonight's Kenny Everett Television Show. Well, what can I say ? It's a show that could change and illuminate our lives and yet, in its sheer insignificance, demands to be ignored. A show that asks the questions we all long to ask and yet makes no attempt to tell us who the guests are. Suffice to say the show tonight is about a half an hour.

This is the last of the present series and features Kenny with another array of star guests who include Susan George, Lulu, Billy Connolly, Cannon and Ball, a cardboard replica of Michael Parkinson, plus Gizzard Puke, Sid Snot , Marcel Wave and that delectable film star Cupid. The whole thing adds up to a bumper bundle of fun... You have been reading a straightforward RADIO TIMES blurb.

Once again Kenny introduces a galaxy of international superstar guests, including Joanna Lumley , Billy Connolly , Richard Johnson , Toyah, Madness, Bill Wyman , Lionel Blair , Terry Wogan , Britt Ekland. Yes, all these and more but not necessarily in tonight's show.

On this, the first show of an eight-part series, Kenny gets involved in many different and exciting situations while playing many different and exciting roles. He will also be doing some very different and exciting characters and introducing numerous different and exciting sketches which are filled with different and exciting surprise guests. The two words which best sum up the show are - really great.

Tonight finds Kenny in a relaxed mood and going out on the town to really enjoy himself -and why not, these shows were taped weeks ago, so now he can do whatever he likes ... you didn't think they were live, did you???

Having received your special glasses you're now ready to enjoy this special 3-D edition of The Kenny Everett Television Show. You'll thrill to the special visual effects as Kenny comes flying right through the screen and into your living rooms, makes a cup of tea in your very own kitchen and leaves - because he's already seen the show. Hope you enjoy it. Now turn to page 48 for your free 3-D photograph... By the way, your flies are open.

If you're looking for political comment, social commitment and cerebral involvement, our sympathies are with you and we hope you find the programme you're looking for, because this isn't it.

Why are you reading this blurb ? Haven't you got anything better to do with your life ? Don't you realise there are important things going on in the world and all you seem to be interested in is what Kenny Everett is doing tonight on his show ? You should be ashamed of yourself. On the other hand you are our viewer and we love you. Don't you worry about the world, it'll take care of itself.