Rita gives birth to a son and Alf, eventually – as he would rather be in the pub wetting the baby's head – visits her in hospital. Initial pride at seeing his grandson soon leads to an argument with Mike, who wants to call his son Michael Patrick – too IRA for Alf, who is also annoyed that the surname will be Rawlins, not Garnett, and the christening will take place in a Catholic church.

Alf has received a tax rebate and is celebrating by blowing it in the pub, where he hears about another regular's racing pigeons. Alf believes he's onto a winner by taking up the sport himself and takes a train to set the birds free, though inevitably, things don't go as planned.

The Garnetts take a train to Bournemouth, where Alf gets into an argument with an Indian passenger and is aghast to be informed that the man is first class. On arrival, there's further moanings – sunburn, the taxi driver, though the hotel proprietress with the henpecked husband can teach him a thing or two about rabbiting on.

Even at the breakfast table, Alf is on his high horse, mouthing off about how the government should put looters and thieves up against the wall and execute them. However, when he gets to work and finds that Else has got her own back on him by putting nothing in his lunch-box, he faces an ethical dilemma. Steal or starve.

Alf wants his grandson Michael to play for West Ham, and follow in the footsteps of his beloved Bobby Moore, so he whisks baby Michael away to watch 'The Hammers' at Upton Park, but an unpleasant welcome awaits on his return home.

Alf is bedridden, having slipped on Else's newly-polished floor and broken his leg. Bored with being stuck inside, he asks Else to push him in a wheelchair to the pub but it's too much for her and she forfeits. Some lads come to Alf's rescue and take him to his destination but not exactly in the best manner.