Despite confiscating the local kids' football, Alf is invited by the vicar to act as youth soccer coach, attracting scorn from Mike. Needless to say, Alf is not a good trainer, concentrating on the skills of only one player, though he does attract the attention of some well-known players.

Alf returns from the pub with a mongrel puppy. The family find it adorable but it isn't exactly house-trained. The more the others find it charming through its antisocial antics, the more Alf comes to resent it and wants to get rid of it.

Alf and Bert decide to increase their status by joining the local golf club though they're not very good and the regular club members notice. However, they learn that the seventeenth hole is famous in that everybody seems able to score a hole in one there and they set about faking their own version of obtaining the coveted score by cheating.

With no sign of Else ever returning, Alf decides to put his house on the market, though with Rita and Mike as sitting tenants, this creates a problem. As a trial run, he becomes the Reads' lodger but falls foul of Min who, after he's resisted her amorous advances, refuses to cook him a proper meal.

Alf, the Reeds, and the Rawlins get involved in the undeniable political discourse. Alf regards long term Labour minister Anthony Wedgewood Benn a fraud because he has a title – which he'll later renounce – and resides in a wealthy Conservative neighbourhood. Mike, however, turns the tables on his father-in-law by pointing out that Alf is a Conservative voter living in a far from wealthy Labour stronghold.

Alf has been asked to look after the Christmas club subscriptions at the local pub in Else's absence. However, maths isn't his strong point and he has trouble balancing the books. This in turn leads to the regulars suspecting that, instead of intending to pay them out, he is keeping the cash to join his wife in Oz.

Returning home from work, Alf finds Min with her feet up watching his colour television with no attempt to make him dinner. This is the cue for Alf and Bert to repair to the pub and compare stories about Min. Mike challenges Alf to a race around the block.

When Mike points out that the windows at the Garnett house have not been washed in years, Alf decides to save money and clean them himself rather than bring in a professional. Unfortunately, whilst he sits on the ledge, the window comes down, trapping his legs underneath and, although several passerby gawp, it's a while before he is freed. Fortunately, Bert has brought the television up to the bedroom to help pass the time for the prisoner.

Min has decided that Bert must lose weight and keep fit by going out jogging. Alf accompanies on a pushbike to make sure that Bert keeps pace. Before long, they're both heartily sick of the exercise and repair to the pub to drown their sorrows. But, on the way home, they are pulled over by the police who find Alf drunk in charge of a bicycle.

Alf is not a happy bigot; he's lost his job and returns to an empty and dark house. And all on his birthday too. He fears that he has been burgled but in fact the lights go on and friends and neighbors are ready to spring a happy birthday surprise on him.

Pipe smoker Alf reluctantly accepts a challenge given by Mike to give up smoking. Both Else and Rita are pleased, but which of the two men will crack under the strain first?

Alf returns home full of pride, having bought a portrait photograph of the Duke of Windsor—the former King Edward VIII—he astonishes his family by telling them that his late father was a personal friend and drinking companion of the Duke, and also the Duke is an ardent supporter of Alf's beloved West Ham United.

Alf finds himself in the middle when neighbour Bert arrives, closely followed by his wife Min after they've had a row over her food. The two men repair to the pub to drown their sorrows and to hit upon the ideal solution as to how to keep a woman in her place. This is of course asking for trouble when they inevitably return home and face Min's wrath.

Alf is well and truly missing Else's housework and cooking so he rings her to ask when she will be home but receives no definite answer. Else has asked Min from next door to cook meals for Alf.

On New Year's Eve, Alf, not wanting to join the others at the party over the road, gets out his old Monopoly set. When everyone returns, they have a game, leading to the inevitable row over property between Alf and Mike, and Alf resorting to drastic action.

Else has sent a letter to Min and not to Alf, suggesting that Rita and Mike bring Michael Junior to Australia, as she has no intention of returning to England. Alf doesn't believe Min when she tells him but, on finding the letter, must face up to the truth.

Alf wants his grandson Michael to play for West Ham, and follow in the footsteps of his beloved Bobby Moore, so he whisks baby Michael away to watch 'The Hammers' at Upton Park, but an unpleasant welcome awaits on his return home.

In yet another political argument, this time about the war in Vietnam, Alf declares that all protesters are Communists. However, when a lorry driver parks outside Alf's house and refuses to budge, Alf indulges in a little protest of his own.

When Mike loses his job and has to sign on the dole, Alf is suspicious because he offers to give him more money for the rent. It turns out that he has an extra £5 in his National Assistance but has to give most of it to Alf as increased rent.

Out of grudging respect for a late female neighbour he despised, Alf orders the telly off for the whole day. Mike informs Alf that his beloved West Ham will play Fulham, on telly that evening, but will Alf ultimately watch the Hammers 7-2 triumph?

Min's mother has died and everybody has returned from the funeral though Min is adamant that her mother will be reincarnated as a blackbird. Having ensured that he has not already learnt of its outcome, Alf settles down to watch the Ali-Foreman fight but there are, of course, complications.

Alf is less than pleased when Mike's Irish parentsbcome to stay for the week. However a bizarre alliance forms between Alf and his son-in-law when Mike feels that his father is criticising him as well.

Rita gives birth to a son and Alf, eventually – as he would rather be in the pub wetting the baby's head – visits her in hospital. Initial pride at seeing his grandson soon leads to an argument with Mike, who wants to call his son Michael Patrick – too IRA for Alf, who is also annoyed that the surname will be Rawlins, not Garnett, and the christening will take place in a Catholic church.

While boozing at the pub, racist Alf makes Gran laugh by ridiculing the Pakistani, 'Paki-Paddy'. But the laughter screeches to a halt when Gran informs him the strangely half-Irish, half-Pakistani gentleman will be his new neighbour!

The Garnetts visit the West country on holiday. Alf is driving (badly) and, to make matters worse, it turns out that he does not even have a licence! Upon arrival, Alf has inevitable run-ins with the locals and a couple of aristocrats.