From ""Romance"": Mrs. Noh Nang Ning's reflections Chris Warner, Midge Dexter lesbian life partner Hope Finch's fantasy about a man at the coffee shop From ""Charity"": Fern Rosenthal's fundraiser party Hope Finch's excessive charity From ""Royalty"": Fern Rosenthal's opinion on real royalty Her Royal Highness visits From ""Family"": Trevor Ayliss's future fatherhood From ""Health"": Ruby Romaine's mammogram From ""Fame"": Kay Clark's encounter with Pablo Escobar Sydney Kross's explanation on how lawyers are now famous Rayleen Gibson calls Tracey Ullman ""that stupid little Brit girl who takes all the parts so no one else gets a crack at 'em"".

Sydney goes on about how the last men she's been with haven't really satisfied her. Hope imagines her future sex life (she's still a virgin) and worries about obsessing about the guy's penis. Birdie Godsen says sex should be taught at home and shares how she's handling her own her. Linda falls into temptation with the cable guy even though she shouldn't (she's a recovering sexaholic). Fern is tired after spending the night awaked with Harry. Kay says she doesn't know what sex is thanks to so much advice from her mother. That doesn't mean she isn't willing to give it a try sometime. Ruby is working on the set of a porn film and gives the solution for the star's ""wood"" problem. Chic remembers when he became a man and the casaba woman retired after him.

Jobie and Fern talk about Jobie's sexual fantasies with the pool guy. Trevor says his fantasy is to be the steward on the space shuttle, where he can weightless with other men. Sydney fantasizes about killing a priest just to win a case and get underground parking. In her fantasy, she becomes a jail celebrity and convinces her mother to change places with her. Her Royal Highness meets Tracey Ullman, the ""expatriate mimic"" and asks if she can do her. Tracey replies with a very subtle answer. Ruby tries to explain to a police officer her first encounter with an alien. Mrs. Nang fantasizes about being a movie stars from the movies she saw as a child. Rayleen and Mitch try once again to make it to the Penthouse ""Forum"" column.

Ruby thinks she raised her kids well – despite her son being mentally ill and her daughter a morgue thief. Mrs. Nang says it's easier being a grandmother than a mother. She had a tough time raising her daughter. Janie feels bad for treating her mother bad after she has a dream where she is old and her own children treat her the way she's treating her mother. Birdie thinks a shotgun and a rifle are better presents for her son than a minibike. Ruby insults a Hispanic clerk at a store after he wouldn't cash her check, and then uses her great granddaughter (whom she just met and happened to be half black) to benefit in the discussion with the black manager. Her Royal Highness meets Mother Theresa and remembers how funny it was when an Indian nanny of her was eaten by a tiger. Fern and Harry handle the birth of their grandson in their own ways. Chic says he's saving money to bring his mother to America, but emergencies like his brother's hair transplant keep him from raising the needed mone

Kay confesses that she once kept a secret bird as a pet, until it learned how to speak and ordered Mother to take her medication 16 times, causing her to lose 22 pounds in 9 minutes. Linda's adopted daughter wants to find her birth parents, so Linda and her manager work on a scheme to hide the truth from her, but Marmalade ultimately finds out: Linda is her real birth mother! She gave her up to save her showbiz career but adopted her after a change of heart. Chic says he'll give away any secrets if the person doesn't tip him. HRH thinks Madonna is visiting and confesses adoring the blonde. Fern says her nosejob is a secret. Janie tells her shrink she'd like to be spanked, only her husband won't do it. After chickening out of a S&M club, she talks her psychologist into spanking her for a double fee. Rayleen says she was born with a small penis, which is now at exhibition at the ""Rupert Murdoch Museum of Exploitation"". She wonders if there's some of it left on her, since she feels an urg

Main Sketches include: Rayleen tells how she was raised by a pack of wild dingoes, Mrs. Noh describes how important the circle has been in her life and Trevor reminisces about the day his family learned he was ""different"".

Main Sketches include: Janie is upset over losing her favorite lunch table, Chic serves lunch to a busy businessman in his Cab Cafe and Trevor & Barry have a spat over a casserole with too much salt.

Main Sketches include: Kay is suspected of robbery but gets close to the PI following her, Linda goes to prison to visit the man who once stalked her and Timmy & Virginia accidently switch bags with a Mafia Boss.

Main Sketches include: Ruby goes to the ""Monsterplex"" and is thrown out for drinking and smoking, The Bugges rent their house to a film crew and Rayleen saves the day at a movie premiere.

Main Sketches include: Linda's co-star in ""Driving Miss Daisy"" is mad at the world, Kay is the forewoman of a multi-racial jury that has a hard time finding common ground or coming to a verdictand and Harry Rosenthal appears in a rap music video.

Main Sketches include: Trevor as a decoy date for a senator's mistress and Fern runs for condo association president.

Sketches include: Mrs. Noh on Food, Ruby on Mothers Chic on Crime, Trevor and Fern on Race Relations, Fern and Jobie on Sex, Birdie on Politics, Sydney on Sex, Kay on Movies, Janie on the Supernatural, Rayleen on Childhood, Trevor on Childhood, Linda on Sex, Fern on Money, Sydney on Music, Mrs. Noh on Fantasy, and Chic with Linda on 1976.

Sketches: Chic on Sports, Ruby on Sports, Trevor on Loss, Janie on Loss, Kay on Smoking, Hope on Smoking, Janie on Sports, Sheneesha on Age, Sydney on Culture, Birdie on Man's Best Friend, Fern on Age, Linda on Smoking, HRH on Age, Kay and Sydney on Marriage, Ruby on Agents and Linda on Marriage

Main Sketches include: Kay finds some medicinal marijuana for her mother, Linda tells how her first cigarette started her road of addictions and Ruby can't find a place to smoke.

Main Sketches include: Linda and Trevor smuggle a dog onto the plane and Ruby gets some unwanted and rather ""personal"" attention from the neighbor's pitbull.

Main Sketches include: Hope wants to have sex with a scottish poet, Sydney's method of stress relief: ""Riverdance"" in a woman's restroom, Linda fights against funding cuts for the arts and Sheneesha gets a book deal.

Main Sketches include: Fern and Phyllis discuss their late husbands' infidelities, Sheneesha and Hellura discuss how to respond to deal with cheating boyfriends and Chic tells a lie to get out of a ticket and suffers the consequences

Kay hasn't been sick in over 15 years due to all the potions her mother makes her take. Chic thinks it's better to pump chicks than iron. Sydney is forced by her partners to take a vacation and goes to a spa, where she runs into Rayleen, Linda and Janie. Rayleen has slipped on a soap and injured herself. Linda has gotten drunk in public and Janie is having a mud bath. Sydney manages to convince all 3 into starting suits. So much for vacations. Mrs. Nang shows her meditation techniques. Fern and Harry solve a few issues with Boca Raton. She manages to clear out her nose and he solves his backache problem. Ruby has to undergo a mammogram, but isn't worried about breast cancer due to her age.

Main Sketches include: Erin's drug dealer contemplates his life, Sheneesha needs her blood-pressure medication, Midge develops a steriod problem while Chris has her own problems with pot and Kay talks to a co-worker about an addiction but gets hooked herself, on swing.

Rayleen questions if numbers are the most precise way to identify a royalty. She defends using referable phrases such as ""Henry the Serial Killer"" instead of Henry IV. Fern thinks Steve and Eydie are real royalty. Kay is a victim of a con artist who claimed to be the last son of the King of Albania. But was he really? Ruby doesn't have nice things to say about Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier's marriage. Sydney Kross offers her services to Lady Di. Hope remembers American royalty – Elvis, Larry King, B.B. King, etc. Virginia Bugge and her husband plan a party for Her Royal Highness. The party is a failure and Her Royal Highness only leaves to watch the X-Files. Virginia is devastated, but the Queen's assistant says she loved the party, where she could make everyone miserable – just what she enjoys. Trevor remembers an episode with Princess Diana's entourage. Linda Granger says she'd make everyone cancer-free if she ruled the world.

Janie's magazine hosts a seventies retro-party at the famous Stage 24 disco. Janie and Hope, who is an intern at the magazine, arrive at the party via Chic's cab. In a flashback Chic tells Hope how be helped a young Janie sneak into the club in 1976, where she spied on Linda Granger's cocaine habit as well as her double dealings with the producers of her hit television show ""VIP LOUNGE."" Afterward Janie wrote an article, which launched her career and destroyed Linda's. Ruby caps off the show by claiming she was actually responsible for Linda's demise.

Mrs. Noh Nang Ning says she once had a problem when a customer ate a finger donut. But it never went too far – no evidence left. Hope says some girls were caught shoplifting, but might be doing it again – a professor's hairpiece has gone missing. Sydney Kross represents an exotic dancer who's suing a vender machine owner because she sat on hot soup. Ruby wants her son to injure himself on purpose so they can make a few bucks on a supermarket. Fern and Harry Rosenthal have a disturbing weekend helping the police bust a suspect drug dealer who turns out to be a secret narcotics agent undercovered.

Virginia is frustrated when her flight is diverted from San Francisco to Las Vegas. Just in time as she was arriving from the ""gastronomical desert"" of New Zealand. Linda is excited about performing in Las Vegas once again, but she doesn't hold as much sparks as she did twenty years ago, and looks back on her memories while giving an interview on a bathtub filled with nonfat milk. Ruby is helping a friend cover up scars for a performance and talks about the time she worked on ""Showgirls"". Trevor finds himself alone in the company of the maid of his high-profile German magician friends, and puts on a white tux to catch Linda's act on the Lapland Lounge. Chic gives Tim Bugge passes to an adult show in case he wants fun on his own. Hope is in town working on a paper and is mistaken by a hooker after almost being run over by a drunk. Later, Chic thinks she's a lesbian when she asks him to drive her to a strip club. Tim runs into Fern at a blackjack table on his way to the Lapland Lounge, w

Main Sketches include: Hope falls for her older, physically challenged professor(think stephen hawking), Fern receives a marriage proposal and then he drops dead, and Trevor & Barry comment on how differently they've aged.

Main Sketches include: Linda is upset she doesnt have a nude scene in ""Hair"", Trevor recalls getting a Beatle haircut as a youth, Fern's hairdresser dies and Erin has a problem with a cactus