When Alf is given a cordless telephone it turns out to be more of a hindrance than a help.

Rita buys Alf a second-hand jacket, and when he notices it is covered in medals he uses it to try to gain all sorts of favours under false pretences. He also gets a visit from canvassing politicians.

When Rita and Winston come in at night making a noise, Mrs. Hollingbery decides to start locking the front door of the flats at 10:30. But can Alf make it back from the pub in time?

Opticians are the focus of Alf attention this week. Also in the firing line are yer Fleet Street and yer Church, but he meets his match outside a ladies loo.

Alf and Mrs Hollingbery are preparing for a trip to Australia to meet her rich brother, in the hope that he'll lend them money to buy their house cheap off the council once they are married. Alf, ever the romantic, persuades Arthur, as best man, to go with them, so he can have someone to talk to. (Mrs Hollingbery 's company doesn't count). It could also have something to do with the fact that Alf is terrified of making the trip.

Alf enjoys his new-found wealth and indulges in some of his hobbies: eating, drinking and looking after himself! In between, he tries to resist Min's amorous advances and foil the bank manager.

Alf tries the patience of good natured Fred Johnson and his wife from next door by using their phone to make a very long-winded long distance call to Rita. After expounding upon funerals in the pub Alf repays Fred by buying him so many drinks he falls over but Alf's homeward progress pushing Else in her wheelchair also ends in drunken calamity.

Alf is now a rich man and sees life in a new way. The bank manager is curious as to how Alf acquired his money. Alf enters a private hospital to spend all his money before he dies.

Alf's joy at Rita's pending divorce is short lived when he learns she is to live with the new doctor.

The arrival of Alf's AIDS leaflets spurs him and Arthur into action to aid Mary Whitehouse.

Alf and Mrs Hollingbery are now engaged to be married and Alf has already started to enjoy her cooking. They treat Arthur, who thinks he's won the pools, to a celebration dinner. Naturally, Alf has to remind Arthur who his best friend is, as best friends share everything.

Alf Garnett has not mellowed with the years and is as bigoted as ever. The Garnetts are now living in a council maisonette, near West Ham football ground, but Alf's lot is not made easy by having to push Else, who has rheumatoid arthritis, around in a wheelchair.

Alf returns from the funeral of Else, his long-suffering wife. Having lost her disability allowance of E30 and half the pension, life ahead is not too rosy.

Alf gets fed up with everybody having a Sunday roast except him, so he makes his first trip to a supermarket. But he's forgotten he can't cook

Arthur is still trying to convince Alf that he should get married again, to Mrs Hollingberry. Alf is toying with the idea, not so much for love, but for the opportunity to put two pensions together and get the house cheap off the council!

Alf, Mrs Hollingbery and Arthur have made the trip to Australia to meet Mrs Hollingbery's rich brother Ricky and his wife Railene. After a few days of Alf's company, Railene and Ricky would like to pack him off to Crocodile Dundee country!

Tired of pushing Else around in her chair Alf feels she should have an electric scooter but they cost two and a half grand and the woman at Social Security tells Alf that,as long as he is around to push,Else is ineligible. Taking an idea from some kids with a go-kart Alf adds jet propulsion to the chair,which goes out of control,foiling a bank robbery and landing him in hospital. He is declared a hero but,following Winston's view that the robbers' accomplices may be out to get him,decides to remain anonymous.

Alf, Mrs Hollingbery and Arthur are still staying with Mrs Hollingbery's rich brother Ricky in Australia. Ricky and his wife Railene take them off on a trip to the outback; Alf is terrified and his fear is not helped by Ricky's practical jokes. What has so far been dislike, now becomes open war between Alf and Ricky, particularly when Alf discovers that Ricky's 'generous' offer to lend them the money to buy their council house in London may not be all it seems.

Alf is initially delighted when he is called up to jury service, but then he becomes paranoid that he is being stalked.

As jury service draws closer, Alf is worried about the possibility of revenge from the criminal fraternity.

Alf forgets his bus pass and is unable to get on the bus. The following day he arranges a day out for a group of OAP's who, armed with their passes, commandeer a bus.

Alf is suffering from problems of old age. Just cutting his toenails turns into a major operation. The only joy in his day is when he hears about the discomfort of others.

Gwenneth and Min come to visit Alf. They decide to hold a seance to talk to long departed friends.

Alf has a fight at a tea dance and meets up again with his adversary outside his house.

Alf complains to the DHSS that he should have been paid more winter's heating allowance. He has a loud, revealing dream in front of his friends.