Twilight Monthly magazine needs a new cover star and Victor is convinced he's the man for the job. Meanwhile, Winston battles with a neighbour to win a stray cat's affections.

Winston saves the day by thwarting a mugger and becomes an internet sensation. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor have one mix up too many and decide it's time to get mobile phones.

Navid and Boabby settle a dispute over whose job is the cushiest.

Jack and Victor gather a team for the walking football tournament. They absolutely must win, but will they be match-fit or have to employ other tactics?

The future is here as Navid shows off his new scanner, Tam befriends an older woman and Jack and Victor must get their hands on the last steak pie in the butcher's shop.

Isa's pulse is set racing as a long-lost companion returns. Boabby attempts to learn to drive, and Methadone Mick enrols in a mysterious online course.

Jack and Victor: together again, for the first time! The problem is Jack's having problems with his neighbours, and Victor's neighbour rolls over and joins the choir invisible. Will the DHSS listen to Robbie Burns, or will our heroes be kept apart? And as for What the Vicar saw...

Victor is awaiting a visit from his son John who now lives in Johannesburg. But when John leaves a message on Victor's answering machine, a crucial part of the message is inaudible due to background noise. Jack and Victor set out to discover what it says with help from their friend Shug who has an acute sense of hearing. Meanwhile, Winston gets injured in a fight with Peggy at the butchers over who gets the gigot chops.

Jack and Victor decide to become dog sitters and enlist the help of computer-savvy Isa to register them on the 'Pets Home From Home' website. Meanwhile Isa limbers up for the Craiglang Bake Off and locks whisks with local cake rival, Peggy. Utterly determined to beat the reigning baking champion, Isa strong-arms her pals into becoming reluctant cake-tasting guinea pigs.

Jack and Victor persuade Navid to lend them his caravan for one night only, but end up spending most of their precious time tracking down an unwanted guest.

Winston receives wounding news about his remaining leg. Meanwhile, Isa struggles with her new cleaning job at the undertaker's and Tam pushes his skinflintishness to new depths

In the second of this double-bill, a trip to the cinema ends up creating a mystery for Jack and Victor and the gang. Meanwhile Boabby has discovered internet dating and encourages Winston to try it too

Jack and Victor offer a helping hand to Methadone Mick.

Everyone is displaced as Winston needs a place to stay and the Clansman regulars are turfed out. Isa wants to know who is throwing her a surprise birthday party.

Craiglang has never had it so good; everyone's suddenly come into money. There's rumours of a money-dealer newly arrived in Craiglang. Even Jack and Victor decide to get in on the action by buying stock market shares from Navid at the corner shop. Winston and Tam renew their feud with the local Neds, and decide the only way to solve things is to challenge them to a championship gold tournament: winner takes course!

Navid finds Pete 'the Jakey', Craiglang's answer to Barny Gumball, has been letting himself go, lately. It seems he's been going through the shopkeeper's rubbish for food. Is it, in fact, a giant rat, or is Pete plumbing every further depths of scabbydom? But soon he's seen in The Clansman clean-shaven and wearing a brand new suit. Has someone died, or is Pete suddenly involved in top-secret affairs of the state?

Winston's had enough of Craiglang and decides he wants to live beside the seaside. Jack and Victor become wedding chauffeurs for the day.

Jack and Victor discover Pete the Jakey was the inventor of The famous Beefy bake and seek recompense on his behalf. Tam and Frances are having marital problems. Who can offer counsel, Navid?

Navid is giving out invitations to what promises to be the wedding of the year in Craiglang. They're as rare and desired as Willy Wonka's golden tickets - so why don't Jack and Victor have one? And what are they to do when an old friend - and notorious tapper - 'dies', and the chance to slip back a few items presents itself?

The television crew which makes Blighty's Hardest Pubs drops by The Clansman and Bobby foolishly promises them all the action they can handle.

A creepy new undertaker moves into Craiglang. As Isa spreads gossip he's the grim reaper, the residents become spooked - but what is he really up to?

Jack and Victor aren't sure what to make of it when one of their pals takes up with a woman half his age.

Tam finally does the decent thing. He doesn't buy a pint; he decides to get married.

Jack and Victor decide to visit Winston in his new home at the seaside town of Finport - but find the local people are even stranger than those in Craiglang. Tam falls in love with his ex-sister-in-law, a former variety star even more careful with her money than he is.

Craiglang's residents can't resist the temptation of the Futuroo catalogue. Meanwhile, Winston prepares for the arrival of his brother, Walter, and Jack needs help after having a long bath.