The Osbournes' pets begin to drive Ozzy crazy, as they monopolize the house and go to the bathroom all over the floors and carpets. He believes that the situation could be brought under control if someone would simply remember to let the dogs outside to do their business, but they seem to be completely untrained. The worst offender is Jack's dog Lola, who tears up a couch cushion and leaves the most unpleasant deposits of any of the animals. Sharon finally brings in a pet therapist to deal with the situation, much to Ozzy's dismay. The woman, Tamar, offers some advice and tries to work with the animals, but it really doesn't make any difference. Lola goes to the bathroom on the floor seconds after Tamar has praised her. Ozzy and Sharon consider getting rid of Lola, but cannot bring themselves to do this because she is so lovable. Although Sharon promises Ozzy that they will not get any more pets, Kelly brings a second cat home from the pet store.

The family tries to decide where to go on vacation. Sharon turns down Fiji because none of the hotels meet her standards, while Ozzy nixes a number of other locations for various reasons. Sharon ultimately decides on Hawaii, although Ozzy is still reluctant to go. Meanwhile, Kelly wins a major role in a television pilot. She must miss out on the family's vacation to go to Vancouver for filming.

Kelly irritates her mother by getting a lip ring. Ozzy and Jack are convinced that Kelly's erratic behavior and chronic illness are the result of drug use, but Sharon refuses to hear of it. Kelly eventually admits the truth to Sharon and enters rehab. Ozzy and Sharon don't believe she will stay at the facility for long.

After 17 years of waiting, Ozzy fulfills his dream of taking Jack on a fishing trip. They get in trouble with the captain for throwing firecrackers at the pelicans. Everyone on board places bets on who can catch the largest fish, and a friend of Jack's wins the contest. Ozzy winds up catching some tin cans and a bird. He also momentarily mistakes a seal for a shark. Nevertheless, they both have a great time on the trip.

Kelly struggles to adjust to life in rehab, and frequently calls home requesting various personal belongings. She wants to leave, but Jack urges her to tough it out. Jack celebrates both his birthday and a year of sobriety. Kelly arrives home and becomes frustrated by the curfew and other rules she must follow. She clashes with her mother often, and accuses Sharon of messing with her head when she expresses her concerns.

Aimee (Ozzy and Sharon's eldest daughter) schedules Kelly for a gynecologist's appointment without her consent. A panicked Ozzy fears that this means Kelly is sexually active, and refuses to listen to her claims to the contrary. The Osbournes' neighbors continually irritate them by blasting loud music outdoors in the middle of the night. Sharon confronts them, and tries to invite them over for tea to talk about the situation. They do not show up. On another night, the neighbors gather outside singing folk songs. Jack tries to counteract them by playing Norwegian death metal, and goes over to argue with them. Sharon winds up throwing a ham and bagels over the fence, prompting the neighbors to call the police. The cops arrive and tell Sharon to call them instead of getting into a confrontation. Ozzy finally becomes fed up with the late night parties. Despite Sharon's pleas, he goes next door and throws a log through the window.

Kelly experiences problems in her relationship with Bert. He finally breaks up with her over the phone on Valentine's Day, claiming that no one took him seriously because he was dating her. Kelly becomes extremely irritable and depressed, and takes her anger out on the family. She argues with Sharon, who suggests that she find another manager; and bites Jack on the arm. She overhears her family talking about her and decides to leave home. Meanwhile, Jack is alarmed when he acts out violently in his sleep. He wakes up one night to find himself beating up Lola. On another night, he attacks Minnie; and is horrified to wake up and discover that he has killed her. He flees the house with the body. A devastated Sharon retreats to the family's Malibu home to escape memories of Minnie. Ozzy is left all alone, with no one to help him fix the television. Suddenly, the director yells, ""Cut!"" Ozzy rejoins his family (including Minnie) in another room, and it is revealed that this episo

Jack invites his friend Jason Dill, a professional skateboarder, to stay at the house after he is kicked out of the home of yet another of his friends. Ozzy and Sharon are more than a little put off by the fact that Jack just lets Dill come over without telling them, let alone asking for permission. Dill is obnoxious and slovenly, and creeps out Ozzy and others with his habit of always scratching his head. Dill also smokes and drinks a lot, and Sharon is annoyed to find a bottle of Jack Daniels with his belongings. She decides that she is going to go to the bathroom in the bottle, but Kelly pleads with her not to do this. Dill accidentally starts a fire in the kitchen, doing damage to a pan and the stovetop. Jack is irritated by the fact that Dill is the only one who doesn't seem to be helping clean up the mess, although Dill points out that he would only make things worse. Ozzy and Sharon finally persuade Jack to ask Dill to leave the house.

As Christmas approaches, Sharon goes on a shopping spree in New York while on tour with Ozzy and Jack. They learn that Michael, their security guard, has been arrested for robbing the house behind theirs. Michael denies any wrongdoing and insists that it was all a misunderstanding. He says he is filing a suit for wrongful arrest. The family, including Ozzy's eldest son Louis, gathers for the holidays. Christmas dinner features a number of arguments, but also several bright spots. Ozzy is very excited about the gravy he helped prepare. Jack receives a knife as a gift, but his parents want to take it away because they fear he will get into trouble with the law.

Dr. Phil McGraw pays a visit to the house, where he holds a frank discussion with the Osbournes about drug abuse and other issues that have affected the family's relationships with one another. Examples are given through clips from previous episodes.

Ozzy Osbourne moves into a multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion with his wife/manager, Sharon; and their teenage children, Jack and Kelly. Ozzy grows increasingly frustrated by his inability to operate the family's new satellite television system. Kelly takes Jack to task for his habit of using his name to get into clubs. The two constantly argue, sometimes coming to blows. Ozzy reveals Kelly's tendency to have tempter tantrums, which he calls ""wobblers."" Sharon explains that Jack is a nice guy, but has trouble fitting in with his schoolmates. Sharon convinces a reluctant Ozzy to perform on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno. He later watches the broadcast (with Mike, the security guard who watches over the house), and feels that he gave a good performance.

Ozzy mixes alcohol with the pain medication for his foot injury and winds up stoned. He tries to take Lola for a walk, but Sharon sends Jack to retrieve him. The Osbournes suffer through a miserable Thanksgiving. Ozzy works on the video for his song ""Dreamer,"" and adamantly refuses to wear a bat coat. Kelly grows frustrated when the media continually mentions Jack's work with Epic Records, as she feels they are implying that she isn't doing anything with her life. She angrily insists that she actually discovered the band that Jack is helping, and that he hasn't given her any credit. She turns to Ozzy for sympathy, but he isn't quite sure what he wants her to say. Ozzy grows fed up with the family and insists on returning to the tour alone. Sharon, Jack and Kelly decide to surprise him in Chicago for his birthday. They hide from him until his birthday because they fear he would become angry if he saw them before his birthday dinner.

Ozzy begins suffering from insomnia. He eventually undergoes testing with a sleep disorder expert to determine the cause. Jack gets a tattoo of a cross on his chest, but Ozzy and Sharon do not like it.

Sharon and Kelly plan a trip to Kenya on behalf of a charity organization. Ozzy doesn't want them to go, as he fears they will be kidnapped or contract malaria. Sharon also has second thoughts after hearing more details about the trip. The family receives a visit from Sir Elton John, who gives Ozzy an expensive necklace that leaves him feeling a bit embarrassed; and goes on a shopping spree with Sharon, Jack and Kelly. Ozzy, Sharon and Kelly later attend an event in honor of Covenant House, where Sharon receives an award and Kelly bids on a puppy.

The family travels to Japan, where Ozzy is to receive the Legend Award at the Video Music Awards. Kelly also makes several personal appearances. One of the employees, Sam, meets with some family members whom he hasn't seen in years, but can only communicate with them through a translator.

Sharon's talk show tapes its final episodes. Feeling mistreated, Sharon clashes with her bosses to the very end, showing up late on purpose and demanding money upfront. She takes her mind off of things by shopping, including the purchase of a state-of-the-art toilet. Kelly feels hurt when Sharon repeatedly criticizes her wardrobe. Ozzy pays another visit to the dentist.

Jack and Robert fly to England to spend time at the Osbournes' other home. Jack shows Robert the house and introduces him to the family's oldest dog, Sugar. Some of Jack's friends also come over to hang out with them and drink. Lola grows lonely and bored because she misses Jack so much. Sharon also laments the departures of both Jack and Kelly, who is away on tour. Meanwhile, Ozzy uncovers an old keyboard from his Black Sabbath days and tries to get it working again. He also becomes fascinated with carrot cake, but Pete tries to stop him from overdoing it. Jack and Kelly return home and are reunited with their loved ones.

Ozzy and Sharon fret about all of the time they must spend apart as she works on her talk show. One of Sharon's scheduled guests, rapper/actor DMX, runs late and is in danger of not making it to the show on time. He has a history of being late or skipping out on events, and Sharon finds the whole situation very amusing. Ozzy gives everyone who stops by the house a tour of his new home studio. He enjoys watching porn on the state-of-the-art TV. Ozzy also buys a new motorcycle, but isn't quite sure how to start it. Meanwhile, Jack and his friends find new and disgusting ways to entertain themselves.

Kelly annoys everyone, particularly Sharon, with her disgusting lack of personal hygiene as she refuses to shower for a long period of time. She is upset when Sharon accuses her of smoking. Ozzy receives a letter supposedly from the Prime Minister of Canada asking him to come to Canada to receive an award. Ozzy, however, suspects that the whole thing is a hoax.

Ozzy works with a personal trainer and attends rehearsals in preparation for an upcoming tour. He also records a series of silly videos that feature him in drag (including a spoof of the ""Lady Marmalade"" video) to be displayed on the giant screen during the shows. Sharon and Kelly upset Ozzy with their tendency to go on shopping sprees. They try to pull the wool over Ozzy's eyes, lying about what they have purchased and just how much they have spent. Kelly takes Ozzy's credit card without permission and manages to lose it. Sharon covers for her until she is able to find it in her truck. Sharon, Kelly and some of the dogs accompany Ozzy on the tour, while Jack stays home and tries to get his own record label started. Ozzy is appalled to discover some of the garish special effects to be used in conjunction with the shows, especially a bubble machine. He repeatedly complains about this to Sharon. Sharon tries to keep the tour itinerary hidden from Ozzy.

Kelly suffers a broken foot when she trips over a curb. At the same time, Ozzy suffers a leg injury during his tour. The kids stay at home, where Jack constantly clashes with the nanny, Melinda. He worries her by staying out at clubs all night and resisting her when she tries to get him to go to school. Ozzy calls Jack and tries to convince him to apologize to Melinda. Ozzy aggravates his injury while jumping around onstage, and X-rays reveal a hairline fracture. He must take a few weeks off from the tour. He and Sharon return home and continue to have problems with the kids. Kelly upsets Sharon by showing her a fake ID. Jack and Kelly invite friends over to party all hours of the night, keeping their parents from sleeping. Ozzy and Sharon decide to lay down the law in a family meeting. The kids explain that is difficult to be expected to stick to a routine because they have spent most of their lives on tour.

Ozzy sits down to a multi-course meal in the dining room and reflects on his life. He says that he doesn't know the definition of a ""normal"" family, as he is so used to his lifestyle that he doesn't know anything else. He explains that he always encourages honesty because he had to endure so much secrecy growing up. However, his blue collar background also instilled him with an appreciation for hard work, so he tries to do enough of his own chores as he can. He discusses Sharon and the kids, and his battle with dyslexia and ADD. Ozzy is thrilled when he is presented with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and receives praise from the mayor of Hollywood. The episode concludes with a montage of season highlights.

Jack tries to deal with the annoying tourists who have begun showing up at the Osbournes' house since the show became a hit. He uses remote control sprinklers to encourage the trespassers to leave the premises. Ozzy and Sharon travel to Washington, D.C. to attend the White House Correspondents Dinner. The president mentions Ozzy during his remarks, prompting Ozzy to stand and salute the crowd. He immediately travels to London the next day, while Sharon returns to Los Angeles to watch Kelly perform ""Papa Don't Preach"" at the MTV Movie Awards. Kelly believes that Jack is jealous of her success, but he seems genuinely excited for her as he watches her performance. Jack also tracks one of his favorite actresses, Natalie Portman, and gets to sit on her lap. Kelly moves to New York for a few months to work on her album. As Sharon travels with her, she comments on the family's success and expresses her fear that something terrible will come along to bring them back to earth.

As Kelly's 18th birthday approaches, she repeatedly whines about the fact that she doesn't want to have a party. She feels that she would just end up being ignored on what is supposed to be her day. The family decides to go to Las Vegas for the weekend, and Ozzy will play a show. Sharon insists that the whole thing will be a low-key affair. Kelly becomes upset when Jack decides to bring eight friends along on the trip. Jack and company wind up sitting around the hotel room watching Teletubbies because they can't get away from security. Jack complains to Sharon about how unfair this is. Kelly and Sarah get very drunk, and Sarah does a striptease atop a table while Sharon, Ozzy and other adults are trying to have dinner. Jack and his friends eventually make it downstairs. Kelly gets very upset because she thinks Jack is stealing her thunder. Kelly and Sarah have an altercation with some girls who are hanging out with Jack and Dill, as one of them apparently looks at Kelly the w

The Osbournes prepare for Christmas in a series of skits. The dogs are dressed in festive attire; Sharon horrifies Kelly by trying to make her dress ""Christmasy"" for the family's upcoming party; Mandy Moore tries in vain to get Jack and Kelly into the holiday spirit; and Ozzy very reluctantly performs a holiday duet with fellow MTV reality star Jessica Simpson. The family hosts a blow-out celebrity bash for the holidays, complete with cooking segments, a visit from Santa, Christmas carols, and a unique version of ""'Twas the Night Before Christmas.""