The Worst Episodes of 'Allo 'Allo!

Episode Rankings

1. #1 Worst Episode
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   6.1/10(8 votes)

   #1 - The Nicked Knockwurst

   S3:E112/5/1986

   After the Colonel makes René promise not to have further contact with the Resistance, Herr Flick's sausage (containing the forgery of the Fallen Madonna) is stolen by the Communist Resistance. The Colonel and the Captain are anxious that it isn't revealed that they have switched the paintings, and order René to come up with the ransom, which Edith gets from Monsieur Alphonse. The ransom is to be left by René and his staff, dressed as German soldiers. But the whole thing is watched by German soldiers dressed as French policemen, the Gestapo dressed as French Resistance girls, and the Colonel and the Captain dressed as trees. And of course, Lieutenant Gruber stumbles upon the meeting, and his dog can't help but chase the sausage.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
2. 

   6.4/10(8 votes)

   #2 - The Funeral

   S1:E510/5/1984

   René tries to go back to his normal life after his fake execution, posing as his twin brother, also named René, but the funeral arrangements are difficult when there is no body. Monsieur Leclerc is cheaper than the regular priest and the coffin is filled with anti-tank bombs.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
3. 

   7.6/10(7 votes)

   #3 - The British 'ave Come

   S1:E19/7/1984

   The Colonel and the Captain mull over their situation and decide they should probably hand over René and the painting to the Gestapo in order to get rid of Herr Flick. But René convinces them that they could hand over a forged copy of the painting instead (with the assistance of a conveniently-located forger), and gets them to lend their uniforms to the escaping British airmen so they can take the painting to England to be forged. Meanwhile, everyone keeps handing René poison pills "to make it easier", Herr Flick decides his relationship with Helga should include an intimate dinner in Rene's back room, and Hans figures out that putting cheese in one's ears improves the sound of Madame Edith's singing.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
4. 

   7.7/10(6 votes)

   #4 - Six Big Boobies

   S2:E110/21/1985

   After the British airmen are gone for good – or so René thinks – there is still the problem of Herr Flick owning all three copies of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies (the original and two fakes), and while Herr Flick kidnaps Lieutenant Gruber (a former art house worker), the Colonel and the Captain start to plan their next move. All the while, René's widow Edith has found René's will, and being the sole beneficiary, goes on a spending spree with René's money to attract better suitors. And the British airmen return as nuns. They are last seen hidden in the piano.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
5. 

   7.8/10(6 votes)

   #5 - Saville Row to the Rescue

   S1:E39/21/1984

   The Colonel, the Captain and Herr Flick are all disguised as onion sellers while the German uniforms are being remade by the Jewish tailors of London. Michelle delivers a bottle of nitro-glycerin disguised as a bottle of Bols Gin to hide in the café until they come to fetch it that night to blow up a German railway.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
6. 

   7.8/10(6 votes)

   #6 - Red Nick's Colonel

   S1:E610/19/1984

   The Communist Resistance want to make a martyr out of the dead René, and kidnap the Colonel and the Captain at the Captain's birthday party. To make matters worse, they offer them on a platter to René's supposed twin brother, so that he can shoot them.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
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7. 

   7.8/10(6 votes)

   #7 - The Dance of Hitler Youth

   S1:E710/26/1984

   The Colonel's birthday party is the perfect opportunity to retrieve the real painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies from Herr Flick, and substitute it with the forgery. The plan is to not invite Herr Flick but make sure that he hears about the big binge – a traditional feast with genuine Bavarian dances featuring girls dressed as the Hitler Youth – so that he will have to come. In the meantime, René and Edith are to enter the office of Herr Flick to make the switch. Of course, they fail – which means Herr Flick now has both the fake and the original plus a second forgery, which he commissioned in order to fund his marriage with Helga after the war.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
8. 

   7.8/10(6 votes)

   #8 - The Wooing of Widow Artois

   S2:E210/28/1985

   René is caught in a dilemma when he must choose between the women he loves: his waitresses Yvette and Maria, and his wife Edith, who, as his widow, has all his money. Unfortunately, he cannot bring himself to woo Edith again, so Edith seeks the attention that she can get from other suitors in town.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
9. 

   7.8/10(6 votes)

   #9 - Swiftly and With Style

   S2:E411/11/1985

   After failing to destroy the train, which will take the copy of the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies to Hitler, René and the Captain are captured by the Resistance, only to be rescued by Herr Flick. The Colonel and the Captain are afraid that Hitler will understand that the painting is a copy, and prepare to escape to Switzerland. In the meantime, British agent in disguise, Officer Crabtree, has a new escape plan for the British airmen.

   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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   Director:David Croft

   Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
10. 

    7.8/10(6 votes)

    #10 - Prisoners of War

    S4:E111/7/1987

    Having been trapped in the POW camp, René is enlisted in the plan to re-dig the tunnel, by getting rid of the dirt. Von Strohm and Geering are playing cricket, though not very well, and Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are digging their own tunnel into the camp. Monsieur Alphonse arrives at the café to report to Fanny the news that René has been captured, but René and company join in on the British prisoners' plan to escape – though it will free only one man. Meanwhile, Helga reports the situation to Gruber, and together they devise a plan to rescue the Colonel, the Captain and René - involving Gruber dressing as a nun!

    Directors:David Croft, Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Directors:David Croft, Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
11. 

    7.8/10(5 votes)

    #11 - Camp Dance

    S4:E211/14/1987

    Dressed as girls from the Folies Bergère, the entire gang (the staff and the Germans) escape from the prisoner-of-war camp, and completely against plans bring the two British airmen with them. Outside again, the Colonel finds that the Captain is missing; only his glasses are found. Herr Flick and Von Smallhousen intercept a message from London and try to send their own, but René catches on and tosses the radio out of the window, which leaves the Resistance without a means to contact London, until Michelle suggests the radio in Lieutenant Gruber's little tank.

    Directors:David Croft, Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Directors:David Croft, Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
12. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #12 - No Hiding Place

    S5:E710/15/1988

    René disguises himself as his father in order to escape the wrath of Denise Laroque.

    Director:Susan Belbin

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Susan Belbin

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
13. 

    7.8/10(5 votes)

    #13 - The Confusion of the Generals

    S5:E1111/12/1988

    René is in even more trouble as the generals gather round at the chateau.

    Director:Susan Belbin

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Susan Belbin

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
14. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #14 - Going Like a Bomb

    S5:E1712/24/1988

    Michelle and Crabtree hatch another plot to get the British airmen back to Blighty. Captain Bertorelli has stolen Gestapo money planted on him.

    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
15. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #15 - Money to Burn

    S5:E1812/31/1988

    Edith is in a romantic mood, and René is playing the piano.

    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
16. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #16 - Land Mines for London

    S5:E201/14/1989

    Not only does René nearly get blown up by an exploding Christmas pudding, he also gets roped into another Resistance plan to smuggle out the British airmen.

    Director:Richard Boden

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Richard Boden

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
17. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #17 - A Quiet Honeymoon

    S7:E11/5/1991

    Newly-weds Fanny and Leclerc are sent to jail by the Germans for flying around in a bed attached to a balloon. Edith decides they have to be rescued - much to René's horror. But her plans are thwarted by a loose bed knob.

    Director:Mike Stephens

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam

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    Director:Mike Stephens

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
18. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #18 - An Almighty Bang

    S7:E21/12/1991

    The Colonel, Gruber and Bertorelli desperately try to stop General Von Flockenstoffen's suicidal plan to kidnap Churchill.

    Director:Sue Longstaff

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam

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    Director:Sue Longstaff

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
19. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #19 - Awful Wedded Wife

    S8:E42/2/1992

    René has organised a secret wedding with Yvette.

    Director:John B. Hobbs

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam

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    Director:John B. Hobbs

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
20. 

    7.8/10(4 votes)

    #20 - Tarts and Flickers

    S9:E411/30/1992

    Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen plan to impersonate Yvette and Mimi to search the cafe.

    Director:John B. Hobbs

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam

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    Director:John B. Hobbs

    Writers:Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
21. 

    8.0/10(6 votes)

    #21 - The Duel

    S2:E511/18/1985

    René tries to hide from the seconds of Monsieur Alphonse, the undertaker, but in his stead Lieutenant Gruber accepts the duel. However, the Colonel and the Captain want to save René and plan an exercise to "accidentally" kill Monsieur Alphonse. The plan is thwarted by Herr Flick, who has discovered that the sausage that was sent to Berlin containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies did not contain any painting – either real or fake. Herr Flick correctly assumes that the Colonel and the Captain stole the painting, and arrests them and cancels the exercise. Now René has to fight the duel on his own, while Yvette and Maria grieve on the sidelines and his wife Edith catches up on the gossip of the week.

    Director:David Croft

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:David Croft

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
22. 

    8.0/10(5 votes)

    #22 - The Flying Nun

    S4:E411/28/1987

    The Gestapo suspects that the Colonel and the General are in on a plot to assassinate Hitler, so Herr Flick goes undercover as Private Irma Von Kinkenrotten and plants a somewhat bizarre daffodil-shaped microphone in the Colonel's office, where Gruber and Von Strohm are making plans to get rid of Bertorelli in some way. Meanwhile, as Edith prepares for her wedding, René and company must get the aerial for their new radio above the jamming signal of Herr Flick, so they disguise Mimi as a small nun to obtain a box kite which they fly to contact London and request plastic explosives to blow up the safe in the General's chateau to get the British Invasion plans.

    Directors:David Croft, Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Directors:David Croft, Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
23. 

    8.0/10(4 votes)

    #23 - The Camera in the Potato

    S5:E29/10/1988

    Starting off in women's underwear in the dungeons of the General's castle, René is rescued by Lieutenant Gruber, and comes back just in time to be briefed by Michelle of the Resistance about the camera which will be used to photograph the safe in the château. That night, Helga and the General are supposed to dine at Café René, but Helga is ordered away by Herr Flick, and the General has to endure Edith's "seduction" before he can get away. René can get into the château, but he doesn't know that the safe is in Lieutenant Gruber's room.

    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
24. 

    8.0/10(4 votes)

    #24 - Dinner with the General

    S5:E39/17/1988

    Leclerc and René plan to blow the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom. Edith's job is to drop a smoke canister down his chimney, but will she get the right one?

    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd
25. 

    8.0/10(4 votes)

    #25 - Otherwise Engaged

    S5:E510/1/1988

    Denise, the head of the Communist Resistance, who was René's sweetheart in his childhood in Nancy, and who's now determined to marry René. Meanwhile, Edith and the servant girls have to explain to the Lieutenant why his little tank has crashed into the public toilet, and ends up getting Gruber's compassion. René has a difficult time telling Edith that he will marry Denise, since Monsieur Alphonse has asked for Edith's hand, and Yvette has it in her heart to tell Edith that René will marry her instead.

    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd

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    Director:Martin Dennis

    Writers:David Croft, Jeremy Lloyd