Sam announces Dropout Gaming and sells his patented Adreno-Nut with accompaniment from Brian's soundboard.

Amy Vorpahl and Erika Ishii's top story tonight: Mike Trapp is a little bitch.

Shukri Abdi and Tao Yang report on summertime fun while Jess does the impression of her life.

Brennan, Lily, and Tao give an in-depth report on Grant, from bad acting to bad bottoming.

John Milhiser and Jess Ross break a scandal about a sexy photo on a computer in Japan.

Ruha explains why the Winter Olympics suck while Ally shows off their dunking skills.

The news team try to pull off a casino heist and it goes as well as you think it does.

Jeremy explains the history of daughters while Patrick has something urgent to say.

The news team show off their comedy skills and learn that Tao can't do a Mid-Atlantic accent.

Vic, Grant, and Raph explore Sam's newest business venture.

Andy Bustillos & Lily get the scoop on the whoop in the night, while teens trick Tao with Look Bait.

The news team head to the county fair and investigate the world of rodeos.

Our reporters have no idea what they're about to read off their Teleprompter. If they laugh, they lose.

The only news team that doesn't know what they're about to read is back with an alarming teen trend.

Ally, Grant, Trapp, and Emily Axford are here with all the info you could ever need on bed bugs and much, much more.

The no-laugh newsroom returns with a breaking report on a thicc-ass bird. You turd it fear cursed.

Brian Huskey and Raph are a father-son news team with issues to work out (on air).

Lauren Lapkus and Mary Holland dive deep in the local business of a lame town.

Patrick McDonald and Katie Marovitch try to cancel teeth, but get distracted by their side projects.

Mike Trapp interviews Mary Holland about a new movie that combines ABBA, Avatar, and the moon.

Vic Michaelis and Rekha report on a town that deserves rain, and a Wolf Blitzer tongue twister.

Mary Holland and Grant break stories on a mascot update and a hot new celebrity power couple.

Rekha interviews Lauren Lapkus on her winning entrant for the Biggest Hog Contest at the state fair.

Raph & Rekha ask "where are they now?" about Soviet space dogs & take a lady soap company to task.

Caldwell Tanner & Ryan Creamer report on the hottest new festivals, from The Babadook to Cream Town.