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The Best Episodes of Never the Twain

Every episode of Never the Twain ranked from best to worst. Let's dive into the Best Episodes of Never the Twain!

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Never the Twain is a British sitcom that ran for eleven series from 7 September 1981 to 9 October 1991. It was created by Johnnie Mortimer, and was the only sitcom he ever created without

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
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    Never the Twain Season 1 Episode 2 - Of Meissen Men
    7.5/10(24 votes)

    #1 - Of Meissen Men

    S1:E2

    Veronica appears on the scene - causing Simon and Oliver to compete for more than antiquities.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  2. Never the Twain Season 1 Episode 6 - Father Of The Groom
    7.4/10(25 votes)

    #2 - Father Of The Groom

    S1:E6

    Simon holds a dinner for Oliver, Lyn and David, his ulterior motive being to expose Oliver's lack of etiquette. Lyn prepares for her move into Simon and David's home. David and Lyn's wedding day arrives.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  3. Never the Twain Season 1 Episode 3 - A Night At The Opera
    7.3/10(27 votes)

    #3 - A Night At The Opera

    S1:E3

    Veronica wants to go to the opera in Edinburgh. Simon and Oliver each compete to be her date. Simon has to find a replacement au pair.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  4. Never the Twain Season 4 Episode 2 - The Royal Connection
    7.2/10(18 votes)

    #4 - The Royal Connection

    S4:E2

    Oliver attempts to gain the Royal Warrant for his shop from the Prince of Wales. Simon investigates his family tree in the hope of finding that he has blue blood.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:Vince Powell

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  5. Never the Twain Season 2 Episode 4 - Blood Brothers
    7.1/10(21 votes)

    #5 - Blood Brothers

    S2:E4

    Simon needs a blood transfusion, but he has a rare blood type. Oliver has the same blood type and agrees to donate in return for favours from Simon, including dating Veronica.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  6. Never the Twain Season 2 Episode 5 - lf You Knew Susan
    7.1/10(21 votes)

    #6 - lf You Knew Susan

    S2:E5

    Simon's sister visits him and Oliver immediately falls for her. Simon and Oliver each purchase one of a pair of figurines and then attempt to purchase the others to make a valuable pair.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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    The 20 WORST Episodes of Never the Twain

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  7. Never the Twain Season 1 Episode 1 - Families At War
    7.0/10(26 votes)

    #7 - Families At War

    S1:E1

    The feuding fathers find out about the relationship between their son and daughter and consider taking steps to prevent a marriage.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  8. Never the Twain Season 1 Episode 5 - Nothing But The Truth
    6.9/10(23 votes)

    #8 - Nothing But The Truth

    S1:E5

    Oliver beats Simon to a painting they both want. But is it a Constable or not? David confesses propositioning another woman, jeopardising their engagement.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  9. Never the Twain Season 2 Episode 2 - As Young As You Feel
    6.9/10(21 votes)

    #9 - As Young As You Feel

    S2:E2

    Simon and Oliver seek to win Veronica's affections. Oliver reaches the age of 50. Lyn is concerned about her father being lonely, but David is concerned about the amount of time she spends with him.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  10. Never the Twain Season 4 Episode 3 - Words and Music
    6.9/10(17 votes)

    #10 - Words and Music

    S4:E3

    Oliver and Simon volunteer to perform at a Vet Circle luncheon for Caroline.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:John Kane

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  11. Never the Twain Season 5 Episode 3 - Thicker Than Water
    6.9/10(17 votes)

    #11 - Thicker Than Water

    S5:E3

    Simon reveals that he was left at an orphanage as a baby.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:Vince Powell

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  12. Never the Twain Season 5 Episode 6 - Definitely Not Cricket!
    6.9/10(16 votes)

    #12 - Definitely Not Cricket!

    S5:E6

    Lady Devereaux offers Simon some sporting memorabilia at knock-down prices provided he captains her staff cricket team against the rival side led by parvenu bookie Bernie Miller.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:John Kane

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  13. Never the Twain Season 2 Episode 6 - The More We Are Together
    6.8/10(20 votes)

    #13 - The More We Are Together

    S2:E6

    Oliver and Simon each separately consider reforming their partnership due to the poor state of their accounts and the imminent arrival of the taxman.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  14. Never the Twain Season 3 Episode 3 - A Nose For Quality
    6.8/10(17 votes)

    #14 - A Nose For Quality

    S3:E3

    Both Simon and Oliver believe that they have appointments to meet Lady Deveraux with a view to purchasing some of her antiques.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:John Kane

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  15. Never the Twain Season 5 Episode 4 - Kung Who?
    6.8/10(15 votes)

    #15 - Kung Who?

    S5:E4

    Simon takes up judo to defend himself against likely muggers and invites Oliver to accompany him to his class at the gym.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:Vince Powell

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  16. Never the Twain Season 10 Episode 2 - S.W.A.L.K.
    6.8/10(12 votes)

    #16 - S.W.A.L.K.

    S10:E2

    Simon has a female pen-pal who he is looking forward to meeting, with a view to marriage. However, the reality is different.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  17. Never the Twain Season 1 Episode 4 - A Matched Pair
    6.7/10(22 votes)

    #17 - A Matched Pair

    S1:E4

    Oliver's antiques shop is burgled. A pair of pistols is reported missing, but when these mysteriously turn up in Simon's shop Oliver turns this misfortune into an opportunity to make money from an insurance claim. Simon is arrested when a police officer spots the pistols in his shop window. To encourage Oliver to assist him in getting the charges dropped he agrees to help Oliver get membership at his golf club.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  18. Never the Twain Season 2 Episode 1 - Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed ?
    6.6/10(21 votes)

    #18 - Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed ?

    S2:E1

    Simon nominates Oliver for membership of his golf club. Oliver holds a function for the committee members to win their support. Lyn and David are on their honeymoon and return to find Oliver and Simon quarrelling over their wedding presents.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Johnnie Mortimer

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  19. Never the Twain Season 3 Episode 5 - The Welsh Connection
    6.6/10(14 votes)

    #19 - The Welsh Connection

    S3:E5

    Simon and Oliver go on a health kick. An auction in Wales causes disagreement between the two men.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Peter Tilbury

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  20. Never the Twain Season 3 Episode 6 - Not On The Same Wavelength
    6.6/10(14 votes)

    #20 - Not On The Same Wavelength

    S3:E6

    Simon and Oliver are invited as guests onto a radio show. The two men become convinced that Lyn is pregnant.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  21. Never the Twain Season 4 Episode 4 - No Flame Like An Old Flame
    6.6/10(16 votes)

    #21 - No Flame Like An Old Flame

    S4:E4

    Simon's life becomes complicated when an old sweetheart pays him an unexpected visit.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:Vince Powell

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  22. Never the Twain Season 5 Episode 1 - In Whom We Tryst
    6.6/10(14 votes)

    #22 - In Whom We Tryst

    S5:E1

    Peel and Smallbridge become attracted to the same shop assistant.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:John Kane

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  23. Never the Twain Season 5 Episode 2 - Going, Going, Gone!
    6.6/10(14 votes)

    #23 - Going, Going, Gone!

    S5:E2

    Peel and Smallbridge have to share a room in a country pub.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:Vince Powell

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  24. Never the Twain Season 3 Episode 4 - The End Of The Line
    6.5/10(14 votes)

    #24 - The End Of The Line

    S3:E4

    Oliver and Simon discuss the issue of grandchildren. David claims to have had a vasectomy. Oliver and Simon join a dating agency as an alternative route to continuing their family lines.

    Director:Peter Frazer-Jones
    Writer:Vince Powell

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  25. Never the Twain Season 4 Episode 1 - A Home of Your Own
    6.5/10(16 votes)

    #25 - A Home of Your Own

    S4:E1

    David and Lyn have moved to Canada. Simon needs to find someone to rent his flat quickly before his Aunt Eleanor moves in.

    Director:Robert Reed
    Writer:John Kane

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Best Episodes Summary

"Of Meissen Men" is the best rated episode of "Never the Twain". It scored 7.5/10 based on 24 votes. Directed by Peter Frazer-Jones and written by Johnnie Mortimer, it aired on 9/14/1981. This episode scored 0.1 points higher than the second highest rated, "Father Of The Groom".