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All Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Browse all episodes of Two and a Half Men

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Season 1

8.1/103,071 votes
Pilot
Season 1 Episode 1 - Aired 9/22/2003
Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.
Director: James Burrows
Writer: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
7.7/102,498 votes
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1 Episode 2 - Aired 9/29/2003
Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.
Director: Andy Ackerman
Writer: Unknown
7.7/102,308 votes
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 Episode 3 - Aired 10/6/2003
Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.
Director: Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
7.9/102,236 votes
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 Episode 4 - Aired 10/13/2003
Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.
Director: Andy Ackerman
Writer: Unknown
7.8/102,213 votes
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Season 1 Episode 5 - Aired 10/20/2003
Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.
Director: Andy Ackerman, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
7.5/102,103 votes
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 Episode 6 - Aired 10/27/2003
The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.
Director: Andy Ackerman, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
8.3/102,227 votes
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1 Episode 7 - Aired 11/3/2003
Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.
Director: Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
7.8/102,085 votes
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Season 1 Episode 8 - Aired 11/10/2003
Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.
Director: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
7.5/101,992 votes
Phase One, Complete
Season 1 Episode 9 - Aired 11/17/2003
Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.
Director: Andy Ackerman
Writer: Unknown
8.0/102,166 votes
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1 Episode 10 - Aired 11/24/2003
Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.
Director: Jay Sandrich
Writer: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
7.6/101,960 votes
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Season 1 Episode 11 - Aired 12/15/2003
When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.
Director: Robert Berlinger, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
8.6/102,982 votes
Camel Filters and Pheromones
Season 1 Episode 12 - Aired 1/5/2004
Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.
Director: Robert Berlinger, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
7.6/101,928 votes
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1 Episode 13 - Aired 1/12/2004
Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.
Director: Robert Berlinger, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
7.7/101,950 votes
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1 Episode 14 - Aired 2/2/2004
Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.
Director: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Rob Schiller
Writer: Unknown
7.8/102,046 votes
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 Episode 15 - Aired 2/9/2004
Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.
Director: Andrew D. Weyman
Writer: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
7.8/101,998 votes
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 Episode 16 - Aired 2/16/2004
Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.
Director: Andrew D. Weyman
Writer: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
7.9/101,928 votes
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 Episode 17 - Aired 2/23/2004
Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.
Director: Andrew D. Weyman
Writer: Unknown
8.4/102,268 votes
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 Episode 18 - Aired 3/1/2004
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.
Director: Andrew D. Weyman, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
8.1/102,021 votes
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 Episode 19 - Aired 3/22/2004
Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.
Director: Gail Mancuso, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
7.5/101,873 votes
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 Episode 20 - Aired 4/19/2004
Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.
Director: Gary Halvorson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Writer: Unknown
8.0/102,013 votes
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 Episode 21 - Aired 5/3/2004
Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.
Director: Lee Aronsohn, Rob Schiller
Writer: Unknown
7.8/101,869 votes
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 Episode 22 - Aired 5/10/2004
When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.
Director: Gail Mancuso, Lee Aronsohn
Writer: Unknown
8.5/102,193 votes
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 Episode 23 - Aired 5/17/2004
When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.
Director: Chuck Lorre, Rob Schiller
Writer: Unknown
8.1/101,937 votes
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 Episode 24 - Aired 5/24/2004
Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.
Director: Chuck Lorre, Rob Schiller
Writer: Unknown