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The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode of Two and a Half Men ranked from best to worst. Let's dive into the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men!

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.
Genre:Comedy
Network:CBS
Episodes
262
Avg. Rating
7.3
S1
S2
S3
S4
E1
E2
E3
8.1
7.9
7.8
7.6
7.7
7.6
8.1
7.8
7.7
7.9
7.7
7.5

Best Episodes Summary

"Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men". It scored 8.7/10 based on 1996 votes. Directed by N/A and written by Chuck Lorre, Susan Beavers, Don Foster, it aired on 5/15/2005. This episode scored 0.0 points higher than the second highest rated, "The Two Finger Rule".

  • Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
    8.7/10(1,996)
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    #1 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

    Season 2 Episode 23

    Aired 5/15/2005

    Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

    Director: N/A

    Writer: Chuck Lorre, Susan Beavers, Don Foster

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    0
  • The Two Finger Rule
    8.7/10(1,767)
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    #2 - The Two Finger Rule

    Season 6 Episode 19

    Aired 3/30/2009

    After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

    Director: James Widdoes

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers, Jim Patterson

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    0
  • Camel Filters and Pheromones
    8.6/10(2,629)
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    #3 - Camel Filters and Pheromones

    Season 1 Episode 12

    Aired 1/4/2004

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

    Director: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Robert Berlinger

    Writer: Susan Beavers

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    0
  • Walnuts and Demerol
    8.6/10(1,733)
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    #4 - Walnuts and Demerol

    Season 4 Episode 11

    Aired 12/11/2006

    Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.

    Director: Gary Halvorson

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Susan Beavers, Jim Patterson

    Comments

    0
  • Fish in a Drawer
    8.6/10(1,968)
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    #5 - Fish in a Drawer

    Season 5 Episode 17

    Aired 5/5/2008

    CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.

    Director: Jeff Melman

    Writer: Naren Shankar, Carol Mendelsohn, Sarah Goldfinger, Evan Dunsky

    Comments

    0
  • The Mooch at the Boo
    8.5/10(1,596)
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    #6 - The Mooch at the Boo

    Season 6 Episode 9

    Aired 11/24/2008

    Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

    Director: Jeff Melman

    Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers

    Comments

    0
  • Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
    8.5/10(1,763)
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    #7 - Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

    Season 7 Episode 8

    Aired 11/16/2009

    While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

    Director: James Widdoes

    Writer: N/A

    Comments

    0
  • An Old Flame With a New Wick
    8.4/10(1,964)
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    #8 - An Old Flame With a New Wick

    Season 1 Episode 18

    Aired 2/29/2004

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

    Director: Chuck Lorre, Andrew D. Weyman

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn

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    0
  • Just Like Buffalo
    8.4/10(1,883)
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    #9 - Just Like Buffalo

    Season 1 Episode 23

    Aired 5/16/2004

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

    Director: Chuck Lorre

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster

    Comments

    0
  • Hi, Mr. Horned One
    8.4/10(1,964)
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    #10 - Hi, Mr. Horned One

    Season 3 Episode 6

    Aired 10/24/2005

    Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

    Director: Gary Halvorson

    Writer: N/A

    Comments

    0
  • Ergo, the Booty Call
    8.4/10(1,533)
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    #11 - Ergo, the Booty Call

    Season 3 Episode 16

    Aired 3/6/2006

    Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

    Director: Gary Halvorson

    Writer: Susan Beavers, Don Foster

    Comments

    0
  • Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
    8.4/10(1,716)
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    #12 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

    Season 5 Episode 8

    Aired 11/12/2007

    Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

    Director: Ted Wass

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Comments

    0
  • Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
    8.4/10(1,610)
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    #13 - Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

    Season 8 Episode 1

    Aired 9/20/2010

    When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.

    Director: James Widdoes

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Comments

    0
  • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
    8.3/10(1,903)
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    #14 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    Season 1 Episode 7

    Aired 11/2/2003

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

    Director: Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn

    Comments

    0
  • Does This Smell Funny to You?
    8.3/10(1,599)
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    #15 - Does This Smell Funny to You?

    Season 2 Episode 24

    Aired 5/22/2005

    Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

    Director: Pamela Fryman

    Writer: Chuck Lorre, Susan Beavers

    Comments

    0
  • That Voodoo That I Do Do
    8.3/10(1,608)
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    #16 - That Voodoo That I Do Do

    Season 3 Episode 8

    Aired 11/14/2005

    Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

    Director: Gary Halvorson

    Writer: N/A

    Comments

    0
  • Santa's Village of the Damned
    8.3/10(1,673)
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    #17 - Santa's Village of the Damned

    Season 3 Episode 11

    Aired 12/19/2005

    Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

    Director: N/A

    Writer: Susan Beavers, Don Foster

    Comments

    0
  • Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
    8.3/10(1,532)
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    #18 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

    Season 3 Episode 20

    Aired 4/24/2006

    Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

    Director: Gary Halvorson

    Writer: Susan Beavers, Don Foster

    Comments

    0
  • Apologies for the Frivolity
    8.3/10(1,565)
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    #19 - Apologies for the Frivolity

    Season 4 Episode 6

    Aired 10/23/2006

    Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother’s.

    Director: Gary Halvorson

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Don Foster

    Comments

    0
  • Baseball Was Better With Steroids
    8.3/10(1,416)
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    #20 - Baseball Was Better With Steroids

    Season 6 Episode 24

    Aired 5/18/2009

    Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

    Director: Lee Aronsohn

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Susan Beavers

    Comments

    0
  • Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
    8.2/10(1,537)
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    #21 - Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?

    Season 2 Episode 16

    Aired 2/13/2005

    When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

    Director: Pamela Fryman

    Writer: Susan Beavers, Don Foster

    Comments

    0
  • Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
    8.2/10(1,458)
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    #22 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

    Season 3 Episode 14

    Aired 2/6/2006

    Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

    Director: Gary Halvorson

    Writer: Susan Beavers, Don Foster

    Comments

    0
  • Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
    8.2/10(1,421)
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    #23 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

    Season 4 Episode 20

    Aired 4/16/2007

    Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.

    Director: Jerry Zaks

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson

    Comments

    0
  • Prostitutes and Gelato
    8.2/10(1,416)
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    #24 - Prostitutes and Gelato

    Season 4 Episode 24

    Aired 5/14/2007

    Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'

    Director: Ted Wass

    Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers

    Comments

    0
  • She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
    8.2/10(1,349)
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    #25 - She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

    Season 6 Episode 16

    Aired 3/2/2009

    Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

    Director: Jeff Melman

    Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Don Foster

    Comments

    0