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The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode of Two and a Half Men ranked from best to worst. Let's dive into the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men!

The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.
  1. Background image for Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
    8.7/10(2.1k votes)

    #1 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

    S2:E23

    Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

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  2. Background image for The Two Finger Rule
    8.7/10(1.8k votes)

    #2 - The Two Finger Rule

    S6:E19

    After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

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  3. Background image for Camel Filters and Pheromones
    8.6/10(2.7k votes)

    #3 - Camel Filters and Pheromones

    S1:E12

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

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  4. Background image for Walnuts and Demerol
    8.6/10(1.8k votes)

    #4 - Walnuts and Demerol

    S4:E11

    Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.

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  5. Background image for Fish in a Drawer
    8.6/10(2.0k votes)

    #5 - Fish in a Drawer

    S5:E17

    CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.

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  6. Background image for The Mooch at the Boo
    8.5/10(1.6k votes)

    #6 - The Mooch at the Boo

    S6:E9

    Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

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    The 20 WORST Episodes of Two and a Half Men

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  8. Background image for Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
    8.5/10(1.8k votes)

    #7 - Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

    S7:E8

    While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

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    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown
  9. Background image for An Old Flame with a New Wick
    8.4/10(2.0k votes)

    #8 - An Old Flame with a New Wick

    S1:E18

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

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  10. Background image for Just Like Buffalo
    8.4/10(1.9k votes)

    #9 - Just Like Buffalo

    S1:E23

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

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  11. Background image for Hi, Mr. Horned One
    8.4/10(2.0k votes)

    #10 - Hi, Mr. Horned One

    S3:E6

    Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

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    Writer:Unknown
  12. Background image for Ergo, the Booty Call
    8.4/10(1.6k votes)

    #11 - Ergo, the Booty Call

    S3:E16

    Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

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  13. Background image for Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
    8.4/10(1.8k votes)

    #12 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

    S5:E8

    Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

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  14. Background image for Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
    8.4/10(1.6k votes)

    #13 - Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

    S8:E1

    When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.

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  15. Background image for If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
    8.3/10(2.0k votes)

    #14 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    S1:E7

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

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  16. Background image for Does This Smell Funny to You?
    8.3/10(1.6k votes)

    #15 - Does This Smell Funny to You?

    S2:E24

    Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

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  17. Background image for That Voodoo That I Do Do
    8.3/10(1.7k votes)

    #16 - That Voodoo That I Do Do

    S3:E8

    Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

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    Writer:Unknown
  18. Background image for Santa's Village of the Damned
    8.3/10(1.7k votes)

    #17 - Santa's Village of the Damned

    S3:E11

    Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

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  19. Background image for Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
    8.3/10(1.6k votes)

    #18 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

    S3:E20

    Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

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  20. Background image for Apologies for the Frivolity
    8.3/10(1.6k votes)

    #19 - Apologies for the Frivolity

    S4:E6

    Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother’s.

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  21. Background image for Baseball Was Better with Steroids
    8.3/10(1.4k votes)

    #20 - Baseball Was Better with Steroids

    S6:E24

    Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

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  22. Background image for Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
    8.2/10(1.6k votes)

    #21 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

    S2:E16

    When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

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  23. Background image for Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
    8.2/10(1.5k votes)

    #22 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

    S3:E14

    Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

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  24. Background image for Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
    8.2/10(1.5k votes)

    #23 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

    S4:E20

    Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.

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  25. Background image for Prostitutes and Gelato
    8.2/10(1.5k votes)

    #24 - Prostitutes and Gelato

    S4:E24

    Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'

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  26. Background image for She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
    8.2/10(1.4k votes)

    #25 - She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

    S6:E16

    Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

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Best Episodes Summary

"Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men". It scored 8.7/10 based on 2054 votes. Directed by Unknown and written by Don Foster, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre, it aired on 5/15/2005. This episode scored 0.0 points higher than the second highest rated, "The Two Finger Rule".