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The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode of Two and a Half Men ranked from best to worst. Let's dive into the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men!

Binge this in 3d 20h•Peaking at 8.7/10

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
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    Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 23 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
    8.7/10(2255 votes)

    #1 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

    S2:E23

    Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

    Director:J.D. Lobue
    Writer:Unknown

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  2. Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 19 - The Two Finger Rule
    8.7/10(1967 votes)

    #2 - The Two Finger Rule

    S6:E19

    After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  3. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 12 - Camel Filters and Pheromones
    8.6/10(2965 votes)

    #3 - Camel Filters and Pheromones

    S1:E12

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

    Directors:Robert Berlinger, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Unknown

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  4. Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 11 - Walnuts and Demerol
    8.6/10(1965 votes)

    #4 - Walnuts and Demerol

    S4:E11

    Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  5. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 17 - Fish in a Drawer
    8.6/10(2163 votes)

    #5 - Fish in a Drawer

    S5:E17

    CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.

    Director:Jeff Melman
    Writer:Unknown

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  6. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 23 - Just Like Buffalo
    8.5/10(2177 votes)

    #6 - Just Like Buffalo

    S1:E23

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

    Directors:Chuck Lorre, Rob Schiller
    Writer:Unknown

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    The 20 WORST Episodes of Two and a Half Men

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  7. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 8 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
    8.5/10(1904 votes)

    #7 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

    S5:E8

    Charlie writes a children's song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

    Director:Ted Wass
    Writer:Unknown

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  8. Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 9 - The Mooch at the Boo
    8.5/10(1790 votes)

    #8 - The Mooch at the Boo

    S6:E9

    Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

    Director:Jeff Melman
    Writer:Unknown

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  9. Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 8 - Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
    8.5/10(1912 votes)

    #9 - Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

    S7:E8

    While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  10. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 18 - An Old Flame With a New Wick
    8.4/10(2254 votes)

    #10 - An Old Flame With a New Wick

    S1:E18

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

    Directors:Andrew D. Weyman, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Unknown

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  11. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 6 - Hi, Mr. Horned One
    8.4/10(2217 votes)

    #11 - Hi, Mr. Horned One

    S3:E6

    Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  12. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 16 - Ergo, the Booty Call
    8.4/10(1720 votes)

    #12 - Ergo, the Booty Call

    S3:E16

    Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  13. Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 1 - Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
    8.4/10(1752 votes)

    #13 - Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

    S8:E1

    When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  14. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
    8.3/10(2209 votes)

    #14 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    S1:E7

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

    Directors:Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Unknown

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  15. Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 24 - Does This Smell Funny to You?
    8.3/10(1822 votes)

    #15 - Does This Smell Funny to You?

    S2:E24

    Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

    Director:Pamela Fryman
    Writer:Unknown

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  16. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 8 - That Voodoo That I Do Do
    8.3/10(1844 votes)

    #16 - That Voodoo That I Do Do

    S3:E8

    Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  17. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 11 - Santa's Village of the Damned
    8.3/10(1899 votes)

    #17 - Santa's Village of the Damned

    S3:E11

    Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

    Director:Rob Schiller
    Writer:Unknown

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  18. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
    8.3/10(1747 votes)

    #18 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

    S3:E20

    Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  19. Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 6 - Apologies for the Frivolity
    8.3/10(1787 votes)

    #19 - Apologies for the Frivolity

    S4:E6

    Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother's.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  20. Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 24 - Baseball Was Better with Steroids
    8.3/10(1583 votes)

    #20 - Baseball Was Better with Steroids

    S6:E24

    Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

    Director:Lee Aronsohn
    Writer:Unknown

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  21. Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 13 - Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)
    8.2/10(1748 votes)

    #21 - Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)

    S2:E13

    After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damaged and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charlie, without getting Charlie's permission. Charlie isn't happy with this, but accepts it. Alan becomes jealous when Judith goes on a date, and asks Charlie to find him a date, so that he can show Judith that he dates as well.

    Director:Pamela Fryman
    Writer:Unknown

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  22. Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 16 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
    8.2/10(1751 votes)

    #22 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

    S2:E16

    When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

    Director:Pamela Fryman
    Writer:Unknown

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  23. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 14 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
    8.2/10(1658 votes)

    #23 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

    S3:E14

    Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  24. Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 20 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
    8.2/10(1604 votes)

    #24 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

    S4:E20

    Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.

    Director:Jerry Zaks
    Writer:Unknown

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  25. Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 24 - Prostitutes and Gelato
    8.2/10(1593 votes)

    #25 - Prostitutes and Gelato

    S4:E24

    Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'

    Director:Ted Wass
    Writer:Unknown

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Best Episodes Summary

"Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men". It scored 8.7/10 based on 2255 votes. Directed by J.D. Lobue and written by Unknown, it aired on 5/16/2005. This episode scored 0.0 points higher than the second highest rated, "The Two Finger Rule".