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The Worst Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode of Two and a Half Men ranked from worst to best. Explore the Worst Episodes of Two and a Half Men!

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A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Worst Episode
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    Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 17 - Not in My Mouth!
    4.2/10(13 votes)

    #1 - Not in My Mouth!

    S9:E17

    Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  2. Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 15 - Of Course He's Dead (1)
    4.2/10(22 votes)

    #2 - Of Course He's Dead (1)

    S12:E15

    Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  3. Two and a Half Men Season 10 Episode 13 - Grab a Feather and Get in Line
    4.3/10(14 votes)

    #3 - Grab a Feather and Get in Line

    S10:E13

    Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  4. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 4 - Nine Magic Fingers
    4.4/10(13 votes)

    #4 - Nine Magic Fingers

    S9:E4

    Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  5. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 20 - Grandma's Pie
    4.6/10(13 votes)

    #5 - Grandma's Pie

    S9:E20

    Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  6. Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 14 - Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
    4.7/10(12 votes)

    #6 - Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe

    S11:E14

    Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Susan McMartin

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  7. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
    4.8/10(18 votes)

    #7 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

    S9:E1

    Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  8. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 19 - Palmdale, Ech
    4.8/10(13 votes)

    #8 - Palmdale, Ech

    S9:E19

    Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  9. Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 13 - Bite Me, Supreme Court
    4.8/10(12 votes)

    #9 - Bite Me, Supreme Court

    S11:E13

    Marty Pepper (Carl Reiner) proposes to Evelyn; Alan and Walden plan a bachelor party for Marty.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  10. Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 16 - Of Course He's Dead (2)
    4.8/10(16 votes)

    #10 - Of Course He's Dead (2)

    S12:E16

    Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  11. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 18 - The War Against Gingivitis
    4.9/10(11 votes)

    #11 - The War Against Gingivitis

    S9:E18

    Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  12. Two and a Half Men Season 10 Episode 1 - I Changed My Mind About the Milk
    4.9/10(15 votes)

    #12 - I Changed My Mind About the Milk

    S10:E1

    Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Chuck Lorre

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  13. Two and a Half Men Season 10 Episode 21 - Another Night with Neil Diamond
    4.9/10(13 votes)

    #13 - Another Night with Neil Diamond

    S10:E21

    Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  14. Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2 - A Chic Bar in Ibiza
    4.9/10(18 votes)

    #14 - A Chic Bar in Ibiza

    S12:E2

    Alan has second thoughts about getting married after he's asked to sign a pre-nup.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Saladin K. Patterson, Jim Vallely, Tim Kelleher

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  15. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 6 - The Squat and Hover
    5.0/10(12 votes)

    #15 - The Squat and Hover

    S9:E6

    Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Dave Richardson, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

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  16. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 12 - One False Move, Zimbabwe!
    5.0/10(11 votes)

    #16 - One False Move, Zimbabwe!

    S9:E12

    Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  17. Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 2 - I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
    5.0/10(14 votes)

    #17 - I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

    S11:E2

    Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty (Carl Reiner).

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  18. Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 21 - Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
    5.0/10(14 votes)

    #18 - Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

    S11:E21

    Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to see his first car.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Susan McMartin, Steve Tompkins

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  19. Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 11 - For Whom the Booty Calls
    5.0/10(12 votes)

    #19 - For Whom the Booty Calls

    S12:E11

    Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  20. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 3 - Big Girls Don't Throw Food
    5.1/10(12 votes)

    #20 - Big Girls Don't Throw Food

    S9:E3

    Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Chuck Lorre

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  21. Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 9 - Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
    5.1/10(13 votes)

    #21 - Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

    S11:E9

    Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information about herself to him.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Jim Patterson, Saladin K. Patterson, Jim Vallely

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  22. Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 10 - On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!
    5.1/10(14 votes)

    #22 - On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!

    S11:E10

    Jake sends Alan a Japanese delicacy; the house comes alive with questionable Christmas lyrics.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  23. Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 4 - Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
    5.1/10(16 votes)

    #23 - Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight

    S12:E4

    A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  24. Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 7 - Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
    5.1/10(17 votes)

    #24 - Sex with an Animated Ed Asner

    S12:E7

    Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  25. Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 13 - Boompa Loved His Hookers
    5.1/10(16 votes)

    #25 - Boompa Loved His Hookers

    S12:E13

    Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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Worst Episodes Summary

"Not in My Mouth!" is the worst rated episode of "Two and a Half Men". It scored 4.2/10 based on 13 votes. Directed by James Widdoes and written by Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, it aired on 2/20/2012. This episode scored 0.0 points lower than the second lowest rated, "Of Course He's Dead (1)".