Cartman decides to seek the friendship of older men. Using the Internet, he makes a connection with men who love to hang out with little boys. An organization called NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) holds a meeting in South Park and Cartman becomes their poster child. The boys learn how much an adult can really love a child.

The "Raging Pussies" concert is on! Kyle calls the police and say his parents have been "molestering" him. Soon all the children are calling in on all the adults in South Park. Until only children live in South Park. Someone from out of town breaks down and they have the task of retrieving a book for the fat-ass. The locked-up adults of South Park get therapy to prevent them from sexually abusing their children.

The kids have just won a sledding race. Token says that the only reason they won is because of Eric's fat ass. The girls challenge the boys to a sledding race down Phil Collins Hill. Token says that the boys can't lose thanks to Eric's fat ass. Eric then tosses a rock into the side of Token's head. The FBI claim that this was a hate crime and Cartman is sent to jail. Can the other boys bust Cartman out in time for the big race?

Mrs. Cartman holds an intervention for her son's eating problem and is sending him to fat camp. Cartman returns from camp, 40 lbs. lighter. Cartman is selling candy to the fat kids. Kenny is challenged by the other children to do crazy things for money. Kenny's popularity rises and he soon gets his own TV show. An event happens where Kenny gets inside Ms. Crabtree's uterus for six hours.

The boys attend church and the priest puts the fear of hell in them. They must go to Sunday school and learn that they must confess their sins. The boys are worried about Timmy, after all, he can only say his name. Feeling the need to confess their sins they catch the priest in a compromising position and decide to save themselves.

The tooth fairy has visited Cartman, leaving him two dollars. He rushes to the bus stop to share his news with the others. He then unveils his latest plan. If all they all combined their lost teeth, the tooth fairy will provide them with enough cash to purchase a Sega Dreamcast. They soon find out that they are treading on someone else's territory. Now they have to work with the mobsters to keep their manhood.

Chef is declaring that South Park's flag is racist. Stan & Kyle head up the team championing the current flag, while Wendy and Cartman head up the side for a new flag. Wendy ends up confessing to Bebe of her attraction to Cartman. The debate starts, but before Wendy can make her point, she kisses Cartman to regain her composure. Chef realizes that Stan & Kyle's point of view on the flag issue was colorblind.

Cartman preaches and the children begin plans to build a church. Satan spends the night with Saddam. Kenny wasn't killed in the previous episode, but the bus that ran him over stops in Mexico, where Kenny is found. Satan, in his time of crisis turns to God for advice. Cartman is discovered as a fraud and is sent to Mexico for punishment.

There's something wrong with new student Timmy. About the only thing Timmy can do is say his name. Ignorant of the fact that Timmy is "retarded", he is "diagnosed" with ADD, which relieves him of the responsibility to do any homework. Soon the rest of the class manages to get diagnosed with ADD, and all get prescribed Ritalin. Everyone is on Ritalin and just complacent enough to sit through a Phil Collins show.

The kids have to face the 4th grade, and they're not too happy about it. Cartman cooks up a scheme to go back in time to return to the 3rd grade where things were fun and easy. Two geeks help them rig Timmy's wheelchair into a working time machine and send Timmy on the trip of his life!

Kyle needs a kidney transplant and Cartman is a perfect donor. Cartman has a $10 million price for his kidney. The other boys go to Cartman's house with the plan to take one of his kidneys. Cartman thwarts their plan. Stan, depressed about the inevitable loss of his friend decides to take action into his own hands and with the help of the parents gets Cartman's kidney for Kyle.

"Fingerbang" is the latest boy band starring the four boys. Randy Marsh is against Stan's participation in any boy band for dark reasons. The boys land a gig at the local mall when it is threatened because there are only 4 members in the band. Stan arrives and the group is set to perform when suddenly the mall elevator tragically crushes Kenny. A former boy band member steps into the spotlight to save the gig.

Cartman has a new Trapper Keeper (that blows Kyle's out of the water) After he's done bragging, a stranger tells him that it will soon take over the world if they don't destroy it now. Cool 2001: A Space Odyssey and Akira parodies!

The boys are doing their version of the Helen Keller Story and plan to beat the kindergartners show. Timmy stars as Helen Keller and gets a new friend to play with! Fireworks, fountains, and outstanding musicals galore!

Kyle and Ike anxiously await Mr. Hankey. When he doesn't show, Kyle calls the others for a late night emergency meeting. They find Mr. Hankey living with his alcoholic wife and their three little nuggets. He tells them that no one is into Christmas. They all decide to try and spread some Christmas cheer. Their effort fails and the boys decide to create an animated special of their own. Featuring Jesus, Santa Claus and themselves.

The boys discover 8-year-old contorting quintuplets from Romania. Cartman decides to stage his own performance. The quintuplets and their grandmother defect from Romania and wind up staying at the Marsh's home. Thanks to Grandpa Marsh the girls' grandmother gets "loved to death." The girl's father is brought in by the Romanian government to demand his daughters back, Janet Reno to the rescue!

This is the story of Pip's origin. Pip gets a job at the Havesham Estate where he meets Estella. She only spurns his optimism with insults. When Pip is offered the opportunity to become a gentleman he goes to London only to discover that Miss Havesham plans to break his heart. Her plan is to use Pip's tears to power her Genesis device and will allow her to gain revenge on all men.