Two and a Half Men backdrop
Comedy

The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 9

Every episode of Two and a Half Men Season 9 ranked from best to worst. Discover the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 9!

Binge this in 8h 14m•Peaking at 5.8/10

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Airs on
CBS
BestEpisodes
WorstEpisodes
BestSeasons
AllEpisodes

Seasons12

All123456789101112

Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
    Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
    4.5/10(17 votes)

    #1 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

    S9:E1

    Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  2. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 2 - People Who Love Peepholes
    5.0/10(12 votes)

    #2 - People Who Love Peepholes

    S9:E2

    Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  3. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 3 - Big Girls Don't Throw Food
    4.8/10(11 votes)

    #3 - Big Girls Don't Throw Food

    S9:E3

    Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  4. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 4 - Nine Magic Fingers
    4.4/10(13 votes)

    #4 - Nine Magic Fingers

    S9:E4

    Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  5. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 5 - A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
    5.1/10(12 votes)

    #5 - A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

    S9:E5

    Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Dave Richardson, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  6. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 6 - The Squat and Hover
    4.6/10(11 votes)

    #6 - The Squat and Hover

    S9:E6

    Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Dave Richardson, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

    7. Trending NowTRENDING NOW

    The 20 BEST Episodes of Two and a Half Men

    READ
  7. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 7 - Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
    5.1/10(11 votes)

    #7 - Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

    S9:E7

    Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  8. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 8 - Thank You for the Intercourse
    5.5/10(11 votes)

    #8 - Thank You for the Intercourse

    S9:E8

    When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Susan McMartin, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  9. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 9 - Frodo's Headshots
    5.6/10(10 votes)

    #9 - Frodo's Headshots

    S9:E9

    Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Dave Richardson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  10. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 10 - A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
    5.1/10(10 votes)

    #10 - A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

    S9:E10

    Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  11. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 11 - What a Lovely Landing Strip
    5.2/10(10 votes)

    #11 - What a Lovely Landing Strip

    S9:E11

    Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  12. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 12 - One False Move, Zimbabwe!
    4.8/10(10 votes)

    #12 - One False Move, Zimbabwe!

    S9:E12

    Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  13. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 13 - Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
    4.9/10(11 votes)

    #13 - Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

    S9:E13

    Walden’s ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  14. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 14 - A Possum on Chemo
    5.3/10(10 votes)

    #14 - A Possum on Chemo

    S9:E14

    Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Susan McMartin, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  15. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 15 - The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
    5.1/10(10 votes)

    #15 - The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

    S9:E15

    Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  16. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 16 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
    5.4/10(10 votes)

    #16 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

    S9:E16

    Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  17. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 17 - Not in My Mouth!
    4.0/10(12 votes)

    #17 - Not in My Mouth!

    S9:E17

    Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  18. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 18 - The War Against Gingivitis
    4.7/10(10 votes)

    #18 - The War Against Gingivitis

    S9:E18

    Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  19. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 19 - Palmdale, Ech
    4.6/10(12 votes)

    #19 - Palmdale, Ech

    S9:E19

    Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  20. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 20 - Grandma's Pie
    4.3/10(12 votes)

    #20 - Grandma's Pie

    S9:E20

    Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  21. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 21 - Mr. Hose Says "Yes"
    5.5/10(10 votes)

    #21 - Mr. Hose Says "Yes"

    S9:E21

    Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  22. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 22 - Why We Gave Up Women
    5.8/10(12 votes)

    #22 - Why We Gave Up Women

    S9:E22

    Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  23. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 23 - The Straw in My Donut Hole
    4.9/10(10 votes)

    #23 - The Straw in My Donut Hole

    S9:E23

    Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

  24. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 24 - Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
    5.3/10(10 votes)

    #24 - Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

    S9:E24

    Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

    Be the first to start the conversation for this episode

Season 9 Ratings Summary

"Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men" season 9. It scored 4.5/10 based on 17 votes. Directed by James Widdoes and written by Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, it aired on 9/19/2011. This episode is rated 0.5 points higher than the second-best, "People Who Love Peepholes".