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The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 9

Every episode of Two and a Half Men Season 9 ranked from best to worst. Discover the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 9!

Binge this in 8h 14m•Peaking at 6.6/10

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
    Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
    5.4/10(3945 votes)

    #1 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

    S9:E1

    Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Jim Patterson, Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky

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  2. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 2 - People Who Love Peepholes
    5.3/10(2096 votes)

    #2 - People Who Love Peepholes

    S9:E2

    Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  3. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 3 - Big Girls Don't Throw Food
    5.3/10(1776 votes)

    #3 - Big Girls Don't Throw Food

    S9:E3

    Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  4. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 4 - Nine Magic Fingers
    5.6/10(1602 votes)

    #4 - Nine Magic Fingers

    S9:E4

    Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  5. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 5 - A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
    5.8/10(1501 votes)

    #5 - A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

    S9:E5

    Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:David Richardson

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  6. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 6 - The Squat and Hover
    5.6/10(1460 votes)

    #6 - The Squat and Hover

    S9:E6

    Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:David Richardson

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  7. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 7 - Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
    5.9/10(1380 votes)

    #7 - Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

    S9:E7

    Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  8. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 8 - Thank You for the Intercourse
    6.6/10(1490 votes)

    #8 - Thank You for the Intercourse

    S9:E8

    When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  9. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 9 - Frodo's Headshots
    6.4/10(1471 votes)

    #9 - Frodo's Headshots

    S9:E9

    Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:David Richardson

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  10. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 10 - A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
    6.2/10(1368 votes)

    #10 - A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

    S9:E10

    Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  11. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 11 - What a Lovely Landing Strip
    6.3/10(1308 votes)

    #11 - What a Lovely Landing Strip

    S9:E11

    Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  12. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 12 - One False Move, Zimbabwe!
    5.7/10(1365 votes)

    #12 - One False Move, Zimbabwe!

    S9:E12

    Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  13. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 13 - Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
    6.6/10(1287 votes)

    #13 - Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

    S9:E13

    Walden's ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  14. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 14 - A Possum on Chemo
    6.3/10(1218 votes)

    #14 - A Possum on Chemo

    S9:E14

    Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  15. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 15 - The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
    6.3/10(1254 votes)

    #15 - The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

    S9:E15

    Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  16. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 16 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
    6.6/10(1228 votes)

    #16 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

    S9:E16

    Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  17. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 17 - Not in My Mouth!
    5.5/10(1289 votes)

    #17 - Not in My Mouth!

    S9:E17

    Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  18. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 18 - The War Against Gingivitis
    5.6/10(1160 votes)

    #18 - The War Against Gingivitis

    S9:E18

    Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  19. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 19 - Palmdale, Ech
    6.2/10(1133 votes)

    #19 - Palmdale, Ech

    S9:E19

    Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  20. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 20 - Grandma's Pie
    6.0/10(1130 votes)

    #20 - Grandma's Pie

    S9:E20

    Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  21. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 21 - Mr. Hose Says "Yes"
    6.1/10(1105 votes)

    #21 - Mr. Hose Says "Yes"

    S9:E21

    Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  22. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 22 - Why We Gave Up Women
    6.2/10(1217 votes)

    #22 - Why We Gave Up Women

    S9:E22

    Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  23. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 23 - The Straw in My Donut Hole
    5.7/10(1173 votes)

    #23 - The Straw in My Donut Hole

    S9:E23

    Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn't so sure it's deserved.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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  24. Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 24 - Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
    6.3/10(1189 votes)

    #24 - Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

    S9:E24

    Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writer:Unknown

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Season 9 Ratings Summary

"Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men" season 9. It scored 5.4/10 based on 3945 votes. Directed by James Widdoes and written by Jim Patterson, Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky, it aired on 9/19/2011. This episode is rated 0.1 points higher than the second-best, "People Who Love Peepholes".