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The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 3

Every episode of Two and a Half Men Season 3 ranked from best to worst. Discover the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 3!

Binge this in 8h 39m•Peaking at 8.4/10

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
    Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 1 - Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
    7.8/10(1640 votes)

    #1 - Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

    S3:E1

    After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  2. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 2 - Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
    8.1/10(1701 votes)

    #2 - Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

    S3:E2

    Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers

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  3. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 3 - Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
    7.7/10(1500 votes)

    #3 - Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

    S3:E3

    Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  4. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 4 - Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
    7.7/10(1499 votes)

    #4 - Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

    S3:E4

    Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  5. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 5 - We Called It Mr. Pinky
    7.7/10(1544 votes)

    #5 - We Called It Mr. Pinky

    S3:E5

    Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  6. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 6 - Hi, Mr. Horned One
    8.4/10(2119 votes)

    #6 - Hi, Mr. Horned One

    S3:E6

    Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  7. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 7 - Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
    7.9/10(1658 votes)

    #7 - Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

    S3:E7

    Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  8. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 8 - That Voodoo That I Do Do
    8.3/10(1745 votes)

    #8 - That Voodoo That I Do Do

    S3:E8

    Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Unknown

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  9. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 9 - Madame and Her Special Friend
    8.0/10(1610 votes)

    #9 - Madame and Her Special Friend

    S3:E9

    One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

    Director:Asaad Kelada
    Writer:Unknown

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  10. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 10 - Something Salted and Twisted
    7.5/10(1466 votes)

    #10 - Something Salted and Twisted

    S3:E10

    Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Unknown

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  11. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 11 - Santa's Village of the Damned
    8.3/10(1811 votes)

    #11 - Santa's Village of the Damned

    S3:E11

    Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

    Director:Unknown
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  12. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 12 - That Special Tug
    8.0/10(1598 votes)

    #12 - That Special Tug

    S3:E12

    Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

    Director:Unknown
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  13. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 13 - Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
    7.6/10(1455 votes)

    #13 - Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

    S3:E13

    Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

    Director:Unknown
    Writer:Eddie Gorodetsky

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  14. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 14 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
    8.2/10(1579 votes)

    #14 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

    S3:E14

    Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  15. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 15 - My Tongue Is Meat
    7.8/10(1468 votes)

    #15 - My Tongue Is Meat

    S3:E15

    Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  16. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 16 - Ergo, the Booty Call
    8.4/10(1651 votes)

    #16 - Ergo, the Booty Call

    S3:E16

    Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  17. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 17 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
    7.5/10(1470 votes)

    #17 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

    S3:E17

    Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Eddie Gorodetsky

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  18. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 18 - The Spit-Covered Cobbler
    7.7/10(1437 votes)

    #18 - The Spit-Covered Cobbler

    S3:E18

    Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  19. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 19 - Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
    7.9/10(1498 votes)

    #19 - Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

    S3:E19

    Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writer:Eddie Gorodetsky

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  20. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
    8.3/10(1666 votes)

    #20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

    S3:E20

    Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  21. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 21 - And the Plot Moistens
    7.7/10(1480 votes)

    #21 - And the Plot Moistens

    S3:E21

    Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

    Director:Jerry Zaks
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  22. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 22 - Just Once with Aunt Sophie
    7.9/10(1446 votes)

    #22 - Just Once with Aunt Sophie

    S3:E22

    A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

    Director:Lee Aronsohn
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  23. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 23 - Arguments for the Quickie
    7.7/10(1405 votes)

    #23 - Arguments for the Quickie

    S3:E23

    Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  24. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 24 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
    8.1/10(1508 votes)

    #24 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

    S3:E24

    Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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Season 3 Ratings Summary

"Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men" season 3. It scored 7.8/10 based on 1640 votes. Directed by Gary Halvorson and written by Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, it aired on 9/19/2005. This episode is rated 0.3 points higher than the second-best, "Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover".