Two and a Half Men

The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 3

Genre:Comedy
Network:CBS

Every episode of Two and a Half Men Season 3 ranked from best to worst. Discover the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 3!

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.
Episodes
24
Avg. Rating
7.9
S1
S2
S3
S4
E1
E2
E3
7.8
8.1
7.7

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  1. 8.4/10(2.0k votes)

    #1 - Hi, Mr. Horned One

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    S3:E6

    Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

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    Writer:N/A
  2. 8.4/10(1.6k votes)

    #2 - Ergo, the Booty Call

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    S3:E16

    Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

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  3. 8.3/10(1.6k votes)

    #3 - That Voodoo That I Do Do

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    S3:E8

    Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

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    Writer:N/A
  4. 8.3/10(1.7k votes)

    #4 - Santa's Village of the Damned

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    S3:E11

    Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

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    Director:N/A
  5. 8.3/10(1.6k votes)

    #5 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

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    S3:E20

    Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

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  6. 8.2/10(1.5k votes)

    #6 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

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    S3:E14

    Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

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  8. 8.1/10(1.6k votes)

    #7 - Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

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    S3:E2

    Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

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  9. 8.1/10(1.4k votes)

    #8 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

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    S3:E24

    Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

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  10. 8.0/10(1.5k votes)

    #9 - Madame and Her Special Friend

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    S3:E9

    One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

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    Director:Asaad Kelada
    Writer:N/A
  11. 8.0/10(1.5k votes)

    #10 - That Special Tug

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    S3:E12

    Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

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    Director:N/A
  12. 7.9/10(1.6k votes)

    #11 - Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

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    S3:E7

    Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

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    Writer:N/A
  13. 7.9/10(1.4k votes)

    #12 - Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

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    S3:E19

    Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

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  14. 7.9/10(1.4k votes)

    #13 - Just Once with Aunt Sophie

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    S3:E22

    A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

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  15. 7.8/10(1.5k votes)

    #14 - Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

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    S3:E1

    After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

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  16. 7.8/10(1.4k votes)

    #15 - My Tongue is Meat

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    S3:E15

    Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

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  17. 7.7/10(1.4k votes)

    #16 - Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

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    S3:E3

    Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

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    Writer:N/A
  18. 7.7/10(1.4k votes)

    #17 - Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

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    S3:E4

    Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

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    Writer:N/A
  19. 7.7/10(1.5k votes)

    #18 - We Called It Mr. Pinky

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    S3:E5

    Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

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    Writer:N/A
  20. 7.7/10(1.3k votes)

    #19 - The Spit-Covered Cobbler

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    S3:E18

    Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

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  21. 7.7/10(1.4k votes)

    #20 - And the Plot Moistens

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    S3:E21

    Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

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  22. 7.7/10(1.3k votes)

    #21 - Arguments for the Quickie

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    S3:E23

    Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

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  23. 7.6/10(1.4k votes)

    #22 - Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

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    S3:E13

    Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

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    Director:N/A
  24. 7.5/10(1.4k votes)

    #23 - Something Salted and Twisted

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    S3:E10

    Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

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    Director:N/A
    Writer:N/A
  25. 7.5/10(1.4k votes)

    #24 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

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    S3:E17

    Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

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Season 3 Ratings Summary

"Hi, Mr. Horned One" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men" season 3. It scored 8.4/10 based on 1999 votes. Directed by Gary Halvorson and written by N/A, it aired on 10/24/2005. This episode is rated 0.0 points higher than the second-best, "Ergo, the Booty Call".